To bribe or not to bribe? That is the question.

I know this is a hot button topic when it comes to getting your kids to do something. I find there are some people staunchly on the "no" side, who insist that it doesn't accomplish the real goal. Others tend not to do it, but will turn to bribing in times of exhaustion or desperation. Others find ways that it really works.

As in most parenting issues, I find myself in the middle. I don't like to bribe, because I do want my children to develop the desire and ability to do things because it is good for them and not for a toy or a treat. But I often hear the words tumbling out of my mouth "if you just do this now, then..." Ah, as parents we need to give ourselves a break sometime. No one parents perfectly.

This past week I consciously made a decision to use the bribe system. Colin's teacher is very good at sending home activities, books and writing sheets to help improve Colin's french. I, on the other hand, have not been very good at insisting he do them. My philosophy was that he has already spent 6 hours in school, plus 2 hours in travel/waiting time, plus all the morning time before school simply getting ready to go to school. When he gets home, he generally only has 2 hours before it's time to get ready for bed, and that time also includes dinner. I often asked him if he wanted to read or do a French activity, but he would look at me with eyes exhausted from a full day in a foreign language and say no.

After my interview with his teacher last week, I realized that a little at home might go a long way, and so I really wanted to help him do his homework. There was a second problem here, in addition to him not wanting to do it: I would often forget, not have time, or not want to fit in the homework. As it turned out, we all needed a little motivation.

That motivation came in the form of a schedule/check list. While at the Dollar store, I saw a toy I knew he would absolutely love, so I purchased it. When I got home, I displayed it in the kitchen. After school, Colin saw it and went crazy for it. I told him that if he worked on one French thing every day after school, at the end of the week he could have the toy. We would do this each week until school is out, but he had to complete all five daily activities in order to win the reward.

Colin was game right away. So was Caleb, which is also good. His preschool doesn't push learning to write as much as Colin's did, and Caleb has never wanted to sit down and work on anything either. Enter the toy, and he's all game.

I created a chart with their names on the left side, and 5 boxes beside their names. Above each box is a picture of an activity. For Colin: reading, writing, sentence structure, speaking, and singing. For Caleb: reading, writing, singing, letters and numbers. Each day they can choose what they want to do, and when it is completed they put a magnet into that box. Five magnets = toy/treat!

I cannot tell you the success it has had thus far this week. Okay, it's only been three days, but their enthusiasm is fantastic. Colin, who has never wanted to even open the book he gets home every week, read it five times. Caleb, who can't stand holding a pencil, copied out the letter A ten times. They sang a bunch of songs in French. Caleb put together the entire alphabet in blocks. Colin completed a letter homework sheet without complaining once. And every day, after their one movie episode, when I say it's time for homework they run to our magnet board to see what activity to pick.

So on this one, I'm all for the bribe.

I am not a craft mom

I don't do guilt very often. I don't try to make other people feel guilty, and I rarely feel guilty myself. When it comes to others, I think I just innately know that guilt is not an effective motivator. When it comes to myself, I think I innately realize I always do my best and shouldn't be hard on myself.

But I do feel a little guilty about not being a craft mom.

I hate crafts. I don't use "hate" often, but I really do hate crafts. Cutting and gluing and designing sends yucky shivers down my back. I get anxious about having to think out something visually. It never looks great, unless I copy something someone else has designed, and even then my execution is terrible. So because I don't craft, my boys don't get the chance to craft. (Thankfully I have boys, so I don't think it's such a detrimental thing.)

Usually I don't let it bother me much. And then come the holidays. That's when I really feel bad about it.

I have friends who are incredible at decorating their house with holiday dollar store buys. They paint eggs at Easter and make tree decorations at Christmas and have fun tabletop activities at Halloween. Birthdays are an event unmatched. Inspired by such friends (in town and online) I have been trying to spend a little money at the Dollar Store and give the house a festive look during the holidays. Somehow it always just ends up looking like some straggly left-overs thrown up in a pathetic attempt to reluctantly celebrate. I just don't have it in me.

Easter just came and went. We had a great egg hunt in the backyard with the boys. (The squirrel got some eggs, as did the sun, but the boys ended up with enough to make it a fun adventure.) But that was the extent of our Easter celebrations, aside from the straggly boa-like things hanging over doorways and the fireplace, and the plastic egg filled vase on the kitchen table that James always moves because he can't stand it being between him and the person on the other side of the table.

I read/heard/saw photos of some of my friends' fantastic Easter efforts, and wished I had done more. But then I really thought about it, and how, because of my craft talent deficiency, it would have taken an immense amount of effort and preparation and work, and I really don't know that my boys would have spent more than 5 seconds actually doing any of it.

Ahhh. This feels like a very fruitless journal entry. I'm not writing in hopes that I discover anything new about myself, or to talk through the situation to try and change it. I'm just laying it all out there, (a little on the whinny side) and leaving it at this:

It's just not my thing.

Free music

One of biggest music philosophies is that music should be available to everyone. That is part of the reason why I used to charge so little for piano lessons (comparatively) - I really wanted to open the doors to people who might not otherwise have been able to afford it.

Now I have the opportunity to do something I've been dreaming about for at least 5 years: free music classes for children. Learning a specific instrument is something I think can effectively be started between the ages of 6 and 8. But success at playing an instrument comes from already having a love for music, and that starts from birth.

5 years ago I took a fantastic course offered through the Royal Conservatory of Music. Their philosophy was helping young children learn basic music concepts through singing and games. My eyes were opened to a new way of teaching and learning and I absolutely fell in love with it

So while I can see that private music lessons would have a cost associated with it, I really believe that instilling that love of music in really young children should happen without the restriction of a family's pocketbook. The only problem with my philosophy is this: how can I afford to rent a space without charging the students a fee? I was more than willing to forgo earning my own salary. We are blessed right now in James' job to make what money we need for our home. While we are not floating in piles of cash, we have enough if we carefully manage it, budgeting along the way, and relying on God for the rest. So I did not feel the desire to charge for my time.

The answer came in a Mommy's group that is starting up at our church, for the community. Mothers can come and hang out together, have their children play together, and hear different baby and children experts talk about their field of expertise (like sleeping, natural cleaning, food, etc.) Meanwhile, in the next room, I am going to be able to run FREE music classes!

I'm starting with one class for 2-3 year olds (with a parent) and one class for 4-6 year olds. I completed my first lesson plan for the 2-3 class last night, and I am ever so excited! Leafing through my music books, brushing up on the different games, working musical concepts into it all...I'm totally in my element. I also purchased a bunch of silk-like scarves for movement exercises, and I'm hoping to hit up the hardware store to make some rhythm sticks. Again, I will be a bit limited in supplies, since I am buying them out of my own, very small, pocket. But I hope to gather a good collection as I go.

I am beyond excited to realize a dream like this one! I have been doing my best through my limited network of people to get the word out, and I was all over town last week putting up posters. I hope people come! The first class is Monday!

Sleep is coming...coming...

We've had a bit of a breakthrough with Benjamin's sleep...and it came exactly when and as I thought it would.

In the last couple of weeks Benjamin's understanding of language has skyrocketed. He can follow almost any direction I give him, things like "get your shoes" or "time to eat" (he goes to his high chair) or "give this to Colin."

And also: "Time to go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

When he hears that, he generally lies down without any fussing at all. This is a major breakthrough for us. I had this feeling that he was really spinning into a panic whenever I left the room, not just crying but really panicking, unsure of where I was going. Sleep time must be a strange concept for children. I know it took a while for Caleb to understand the difference between nap and night. For the longest time he thought every time he woke up it was a new day (and therefore breakfast time - his favourite meal of the day!) Benjamin, I think, had a difficult time understanding that although I was leaving the room, I wasn't far, and would be back soon.

Since I have noticed him understanding "I'll see you in the morning," he has also started checking on me first thing. When he wakes in the morning (6:30am) James gets up to get him. But Benjamin will not go downstairs until he looks into my room to see me lying in bed. He often then wants to cuddle and nurse, but he's starting to be okay with just checking in. This morning James took him right downstairs to let me sleep and Benjamin screamed for 20 minutes until I gave in and went downstairs. He calmed as soon as he saw me, cuddled for a minute, and then let me go back upstairs.

Needless to say, I'm hoping this new light on inside his head will lead to better sleeping through the night. He's already done a couple of nights where he wakes, sobs for a minute, finds his soother, and goes back to sleep. It shouldn't be long before he simply sleeps through.

Complete and utter frustration

Have you ever had an experience that completely wrenched you up inside? I'm not talking about anger or heartache, but complete and utter frustration. I think doctors and teachers (schools) are the two biggies, which is no surprise since, as mothers, we place such a high importance on the health and education of our children.

I had such a moment last week. I asked for an interview with Colin's teacher, just to check up on his progress in the class. Now, I will preface all this by noting that I think Colin has a fantastic teacher. Blessed with a class of only 8 kids, she is really able to tailor everything to the kids she has and their specific needs. She constantly pushes them beyond normal grade expectations. She incorporates fun and games into learning. Her classroom makes me smile when I go in, because it seems like a learning Wonderland. It makes me want to go back to kindergarten.

At any rate, I have had a close pulse on Colin's progress this past year. Having missed junior kindergarten in the Francophone setting, he came into senior kindergarten quite far behind the others when it comes to language. He's smart as a whip and working at a grade two level in all other areas, and it is only circumstance that has him at this disadvantage. The teacher admitted that if she has a high-middle-low scale, and that Colin is definitely in the low end, with two other children (out of 8, remember.) She also affirmed that it really only is the language, and that he readily excels in all other areas. As we spoke, she said that in grade one, there will be much more emphasis on language, without the benefit of the exaggerated gestures she uses to help in getting across her point.

So I posed the question: does she think grade one will challenge Colin to catch up, or cause him to give up completely? In other words, I asked, would Colin benefit from being kept back in junior kindergarten again?

Her answer: I can't answer that question.

So I rephrased, thinking she hadn't understood me. But, no, she had understood perfectly. She reiterated that she is not allowed to answer that question. Meaning that she is not allowed to even discuss with me holding Colin back a year.

WHAT???????????

My mother, also a teacher, had previously mentioned that she is not allowed to fail a child, but that if the parent opens the conversation, it can be addressed. But as a teacher she was not allowed to recommend to the parent to keep back their child.

First of all, I think that is ridiculous. I am a very involved mother and constantly know what is going on, but not all parents are. If, for whatever reason, I wasn't able to really know what was going on in the classroom, I would hope to high heaven the teacher would warn me that my child might not be ready for the next grade.

But that is not even my point. My point is that I broached the subject, looking for the advice from the teaching professional, the person who knows the curriculum and has watched the growth of my child all year within the school setting, and should have some valuable information and opinion on whether moving on would be beneficial or harmful to my child's learning experience.

I think I sat, mouth agape, speechless, for a good minute. I fumbled over my words, not willing to give up quite yet. I posed the utterly, ridiculous "scenario" of a child "like Colin" and if "such a child" should be "hypothetically" held back. Thankfully, the teacher was willing to start opening up at this point, seeing that I wasn't going to back down on this one. In not so many words, she suggested that Colin's dedication to learning should help him improve quickly, although because French is not his first language, and it is not spoken at home, he would never be able to reach the same level as a truly Francophone child. (Less than 10% in the school are.)

I always worried if James' and my french would ever become a hinderance to Colin's success in this program, and it appears that it might. While many children are not Francophones, most do have one parent that speaks French as a first language. The only "saving grace" is that in many cases, even that parent isn't speaking french at home. I have a feeling that while we might keep the boys in the Francophone program for the short term, that by grade 4 or 5 we may switch them over to French Immersion. We'll play it by ear, though.

In the end, I was outraged by the bureaucratic handcuffs placed on teachers. If they think that pushing kids through from grade to grade when they are clearly not ready is a great self-esteem booster, they are crazy. The kids only fall further and further behind and end up in high school barely able to read and write. Yeah, that sure makes them feel great about themselves.

The Canadian way of voting

Amid this wild ride of an election campaign, I'm beginning to wonder if the American system of voting for your local representative and the leader of the country separately isn't the way to go.

Our riding is an interesting case of campaigning. We have four candidates: Conservative, Liberal, Green and NDP.

The Conservative candidate has come of arrogant and scripted. This riding has been held by the Conservatives forever so it seems the Conservatives don't even feel the need to campaign.

The Liberals, on the other hand, have never even had a chance. The local candidate comes across as uninformed and bumbling, answering most questions by referring constituents to the national Liberal website for answers. The Liberals are giving almost no effort to campaigning here.

The NDP aren't even showing up. Literally. Although there is apparently an official name running for the NDP in our riding, there are absolutely no signs, and no one showed up for the local debates, and no one gave a reason for not showing up. It is obvious there is a name in name only, just so the NDP can say they are running in every riding.

The Green candidate is the only local candidate who is actually making any real effort. This is likely because we are one of the few ridings across the country the Green party actually has a chance of winning. There are more Green party signs than any other party, and the local candidate has made a great showing at the debates, coming off as informed, passionate and articulate.

I am undecided as a voter. Of course, in light of the above opinion (which is also the generally agreed upon consensus,) there should be no contest. Only one local representative has even showed an iota of interest in actually running in this riding. And in the Canadian system, we are supposed to vote for the local candidate and not the party, or its leader.

But what, then, are the implications? What if I don't agree with much of the party platforms? What if I don't think their leader would make an appropriate leader of our country and representative on the world stage? Sure, it is easy to say "vote for the person" when in the grand scheme of things the Green party doesn't have a chance of forming the government. But what if voting for the only "caring" candidate did mean a vote for a party or leader you don't agree with?

Cook in the kitchen

You might wonder about my absence over the long weekend. No, we didn't escape on a lovely Easter holiday. In fact I was up to my elbows in cooking and baking! Between hosting my family for Easter dinner, catching up on baking bread for us, and preparing some frozen dinners for a friend in need, I didn't see the rest of the house for four days! I think I could have turned off the furnace for the amount of heat my gas oven was pumping out, being that it was constantly on, cooking up delicious meals and sending forth amazing aromas. I even managed to use some pie crust scraps and invented my very own dessert (a strawberry custard pie with a oat/brown sugar/pecan crunchy topping!) I think I've had my fill of the kitchen, now, and I am more than grateful for the leftovers from James' family Easter dinner that will provide at least two meals for us.

As I packed my freezer full of frozen pies and casseroles and breads, it made me start thinking about getting a bigger freezer. I even have a small chest freezer in the basement, but both are packed to the brim. As I squeezed the last loaf of bread in last night, I realized I would really love to get myself an upright freezer (the one that looks like a fridge.) We usually have a 3-month food storage on hand, most of which has been canned and boxed goods. But every time I wander down to bring something up, I see all those canned vegetables staring at me. We used to eat them all the time, but recently I've been turned off. Frozen vegetables have come miles since I was a kid, and we much prefer their taste now, not to mention that frozen veggies are much healthier. If I want to turn my canned storage into frozen storage, though, I am definitely going to need more space! I much prefer the organization of a stand up freezer to the free-for-all, forever-lost-in-the-depths, when-did-I-put-that-in-there abyss of a chest freezer.