Colinism

I hand a Kool-Aid jammer to Colin.

Mom: Now be careful, don't squeeze.

Colin drinks his juice carefully. Then, a few minutes later:

Colin: Mom, I know why if you squeeze a juice box or a jammer, the juice comes out. It's because when you squeeze, you take away the place where the juice was, and it has nowhere to go but to come up the straw and then spill out.

Mom: Yep, it's called "displacement".

Colin: Displacement.

Mom: Yes - it means you are taking away the place where the juice was.

(I love seeing kids process stuff like that on their own!)

Parent teacher interviews

Every now and then I come across something that is like a huge red flashing light reminder that I am a parent. I know, it shouldn't surprise me any more. But sometimes it's hard to remember that I am the grown up here. Parent teacher interviews are one such event.

First of all, I have to say how much I am loving my boys' school. There are some definite disadvantage to being in such a small school (less than 100 kids, and only 5 classes) but the positives outweigh the negatives every time. One of my favourite things about the school is that everyone knows everyone. All the teachers and administrators know my boys, and can talk easily about them. It is really a small community feel. Last week when I called to set up my interviews, I had Colin's report card in hand and so asked the secretary to slot me in at 7:30 with his teacher. Then, just as I was about to hang up, she interrupted me with "And would you like to see Caleb's teacher also?" I laughed at my forgetfulness, and said, yes please. And I smiled at the fact that even just over the phone the secretary knew me, knew Colin, and knew that Caleb was his brother.

And so last night was the interviews. Both boys' report cards were nothing of a surprise. Both are working at their grade level, completing their work, progressing well. Both need to work a little on improving their French, which is understandable considering we don't speak French generally at home. Really, the interview was just about keeping in touch with the teacher, and about hearing them speak about my kids in specifics.

Colin's interview left me soaring. Colin is a really, really smart kid. He hears, learns, understands and applies things so quickly and knows things way beyond his grade level. But I have been worried that with the newness of the French language, the teacher might not see his potential. I have thought often about pulling him out and putting him in English where he might be able to work at his own level, but I usually come to the conclusion that the English might hold him back even further, if the teacher is not amenable to creating his own curriculum for him.

At any rate, the first comment Colin's teacher had was "Colin is brilliant. No, he's actually brilliant. And I'm not just saying this for you, to puff you or him up." I sighed a huge sigh of relief and then we spoke at length about how the French language can work as a challenge for him. She said that while Colin may be at the low end of the class in terms of French, he is miles ahead of anyone in terms of knowledge and understanding. She said that even with the language barrier, his abilities are obvious.

Caleb's interview was a lot of fun, because Caleb is such a fun personality. His teacher remarked that everyone loves Caleb, and he has friends all throughout the school. He is stubborn, though, and only produces the kind of work he is capable of when he feels like it. We compared notes of what he does at school and what he does at home (in terms of speaking French) and there are so many inconsistencies (things he does at school but won't at home, and vice versa) that we both realized he's capable of much more than either of us thought. But he's the youngest in his class, so both his teacher and I are granting him some leniency right now. His teacher did say that he's very advanced in math, which I didn't realize. As I noted in my previous entry, Colin is also good at math, and both James and I were good at math also, so I guess we shouldn't be completely surprised. Sometimes I think Colin and Caleb are so different that I surprised to find similarities between them!

And so, another school year well on its way. I really like both the boys' teachers this year, and I think they are doing really well. Hopefully things continue on in a like manner!

When they are ready, they will learn

The concept that kids will learn things readily and easily when they are ready is one that homeschooling is a huge advocate of. Learning to read or to do math have been skills that have frustrated many students in schools. Children painstakingly sound out letters into syllables and words, and have no idea what they have read by the end of the sentence. Other children look at the abstract concept of numbers and don't understand what is actually means.

Kids can be ready to read generally any time between three and nine. That is a huge age difference. Most schools require their students to know how to read by grade one, or six years of age. But many simply aren't there yet. And so what happens is that these kids, being forced to spend hours pouring over words, start to hate reading. And that is the worst of all.

Homeschooling philosophies say that the best thing you can do to promote reading is to foster a love of the act itself by reading to your children. Then one day the child, on his own terms and in his own time, will be curious to know how it is that the letters come together to tell such wonderful tales. This desire will foster the dedication and diligence it takes to learn to read, and in no time at all it will all come together for him.

This philosophy always made sense to me, but I was able to see it in action two weeks ago with Colin. This experience was in relation to math, rather than reading, but equally applies. I was sitting in our church service, Colin seated next to me. He had several toys, books, and a pad of paper and a pen around him. He took pen to paper, scribbling away while I listened to the talks. Then he tugged at my shirt and handed the paper over to me. He had drawn out several simple math equations, and asked me to complete the answers. I was somewhat surprised, as he has not covered equations yet in school or at home. But somewhere he had seen what one looked like, had assimilated the idea of it in his mind, and was now trying to replicate it. (My guess is that the grade twos in his class were doing work like this, and while he was supposed to be at his own grade one work, he was watching with interest the older students. I LOVE split classes so much!)

I quickly completed the equations and passed it back. But he pushed the paper back to me and asked me to write some problems for him to do. I turned my attention to the task at hand, carefully crafting questions that someone who had never done math before might figure out:

He completed the sheet as quickly as he could read off the numbers. Then he asked for another. This time I tried to do the next step up: putting the lower number first (2+8), or adding numbers that equaled more than ten:

This sheet didn't slow him down a bit. So for the next one, I tested him even more:

By the end of this sheet, the service was over, and so ended our math time also. Colin asked if we could do more when we got home. "Math is so fun!" he proclaimed. "I beat every question you gave me!" I thought it was cute that he considered solving a question "beating" it, like in a game. I also thought it was endearing that he loves math, because I always did, too. I secretly used to love soling math homework questions!

Started...

Christmas shopping has begun. It may seem early to some, but with birthdays starting in November, it's just easier to get it all done now.

My gift philosophy evolves each year. This year we decided to set some money aside in June so that we could buy the boys something for the summer. There's no fun in getting a bike in December when you can't even ride it for another 4 months. For birthdays/Christmas this year, I'm going with the "buy something they are asking for." It may not be educational or useful or even something I think they'll play with for years to come. But it is something they want now, and that is enough.

We have so many toys, and so many relatives who love to give gifts, that there will never be a moment where our boys are lacking. I have adopted the "toy in - toy out" rule to try and keep things under control in our toy room here. I'm a little worried already about this year, since the boys love and play with everything that's already in there. But I figure at least half of it is going to have to go in order to make room for the new things.

Yes, this culture of consumerism worries me, and I hope and pray over the years to come that I'm able to teach the boys that toys and things are not everything, and that being lavished with gifts is a great privilege of the blessed life we lead. But I've given up trying to rein it in, since it's a fruitless expense of my efforts. This year I'm embracing the love our friends and family show through gift-giving (it is one of the 5 love languages, after all) and being grateful for it all.

Getting settled

I think I'm finally getting settled after Benjamin's birth. It's been 22 months.

In the haze of sleepless nights that lasted these two years, my body compensated by craving junk food. There was chocolate almost daily, lots of pop, desserts more often than not. My body was craving sugar in order to keep me going during the day, and that isn't like me at all. While I love a chocolate bar or root beer or ice cream now and then, I just don't do well with those things as a daily part of my diet. My body usually rebels, feels ill, can't function. I eat fruit all the time, and veggie sandwiches are a staple for lunch. Not so, this past year.

But I've noticed over the last week or so that this finally seems to be abating. There are three tubs of ice cream in the freezer that have been there since before Thanksgiving. James baked three dozen cookies that I didn't eat any of. My secret stash of chocolate bars dwindled to nothing and I never bothered to replace it. A bag of Dorritos is still sitting on the dishwasher after a week. And on my road trip last weekend, I stocked up on treats and only ate one chocolate bar the whole time.

Better than that, I'm back to my toasted veggie sandwiches and fruit smoothies. Okay, I have been stocking up on those little sausage roll appetizers for lunch also, but after this box I'm not feeling like I want to replace it. Yes, I finally feel like my body is getting settled after my last baby. It's about time!

Colinisms

After two yelps and then Caleb dissolving into screams, I sharply turned my attention and voice toward the playroom. Caleb, crunched over in pain, cried out that Colin had thrown a lego creation at him. I ordered Colin upstairs, when he defended his actions by revealing Caleb's guilt in the incident also. I ordered them both upstairs for five minutes alone, to calm them down. Colin went immediately, but I stopped Caleb to comfort him before sending him up. After a few minutes of soothing words, I heard Colin calling from upstairs that he was ready to resolve things. I sent Caleb up with instructions that they were not to come back down until they had worked it out.

I heard some chatting back and forth on the stairs, and less than a minute later both boys emerged. Colin led Caleb to the living room, and then announced to us all that he had something he wanted to say in front of everyone. He faced Caleb and apologized for throwing the lego and hurting him so badly. Then he pulled out two small objects from behind his back and presented them to Caleb. Caleb looked at them closely as Colin explained what the little toys were and how they worked. I recognized the toys as ones from Colin's bed shelves; these were very previous to him, collections of little toys and trinkets, each one being given a specific and special place on the shelf.

I was so proud of him. I loved that, on his own, he realized that an apology was more than just an "I'm sorry" and that he had a genuine desire to try and make things right.

***

In another incident, my sister Jennifer came for dinner and brought a fantastic apple crisp. Colin tasted the first bite and declared: "Yum! This is delicious! This is way better than a pile of dirt!"

Time Out for Women 2011

This past weekend I road tripped down to Rochester (4 hours) to attend a women's conference called Time Out for Women. This is an amazing conference series put on every year by women in our church, and they tour all over the US and Canada bringing inspirational speakers and musicians to help inspire women. It is impossible to sum up the whole weekend here, but I do want to record some of the highlights and moments of true inspiration for me.

More than anything I was excited to see Hilary Weeks. She is one of my favourite singer/songwriters. She is releasing her 9th album next week, and every single album is beautiful and brilliant. I've seen her once before at one of these conferences, and not only is she wonderful to hear sing live, but she is side-splitting hilarious in between her performances. She really captures what motherhood is about, infusing the issues and problems with so much humour you can't help but laugh. If you get a chance, have a peek on YouTube at her funny little parodies: "to-do list" "laundry" "my favourite things" "teenage language barrier".

The best quote I heard all weekend was by speaker John Bytheway. He is a Bishop (pastor) in his local church and he had a woman come into his office to speak about some troubles she was having. But instead of off-loading right away, she spoke these words of wisdom: "Instead of telling God how big my problems are, I'm going to start telling my problems how big my God is." Yeah. How amazing is that. If I don't take anything else away from this conference, I will always remember those words.

The theme of the 2011 conference series is "Choose to Become." It's an inspiring theme, because it encourages us all to make some deliberate choices in our lives, to choose to become not only what we really want to be, but also that which we have the potential to be that we didn't even know was there. A quote was given that we often make "to-do" lists, but we never make "to-be" lists. And in the long run, what is more important? Do you want to get to the end of your life and see a long list of completed to-do tasks like laundry and dishes and appointments and tidying? Or do you want to see a to-be list of the amazing emotional and spiritual evolutions within you?

"Come unto Christ, and be perfected in him." (Moroni 10:32, Book of Mormon). We often forget this sequence, and think that we must first be perfect and then we can come unto Christ. I loved this reminder that it really is the other way around, and that the only way we can be perfected (eventually, one day, way down the road int he eternities!) is through Christ. This was a good kick in my self-reliant pants.

I tell my kids all the time, when all three of them are hanging off my legs and demanding things all at once, that I am only one mom, and they are three kids, and I can't possibly see to all of them at the same time. This has really helped them get a little (little) patience, because Colin and Caleb both seem to get that picture. But God deals with each of his children one-on-one each and every day. We never have to wait until he gets to us, or step aside while he deals with something more urgent than our request, or assume that our needs are not important for him at this time. He may be one God, and we may be billions of his children, but his awesome omnipotence means that we can be before him every day one-on-one.

One speaker (and mom) noted that her mother-in-law never asked her kids "what did you do in school today" when they came home. (That never works anyway, at least with boys. Have any of you ever actually gotten an answer to that question? And still I ask it every day, and press and probe and use psychology tricks and even bribe until I can get three or four short words of an answer.) Instead, this mother always asked "who did you help today?" That changed her kids' focus when they left home for school every day, because they began to search out opportunities to serve others. This is a HUGE passion, desire and focus of mine as I raise my boys, and I am definitely adopting this.

Instead of trying to chase away bad or negative thoughts, fill your mind with good and positive ones, so that there simply is no room for the bad ones. How simple yet profound this idea is. It takes so much effort to push out the negative thoughts, but much less effort to simply think good ones in the first place. And what you think is what you become, so if I think positive I will feel positive and therefore be positive. Sound so simple, doesn't it?

Deliberate mothering means that each moment is a brick I am laying in my family and home. I am not just vacuuming and cleaning and training and disciplining and chauffeuring and packing lunches. Each of these acts is slowly helping to shape the lives and character of my children, whether by impacting them as people or creating the atmosphere in which they live. My top priorities shouldn't be speed and efficiency, but my family members, one by one.

Well, it's impossible to sum up a whole weekend in a few short paragraphs, but these are the thoughts I really want to remember. The conference will be coming to Toronto again next June, and I'll buy my ticket as soon as I can for that. I love to be inspired by inspiring people!