Don't you love a great book?

I've come to the end of "Better Off," and once again I have the yearning to read it again sometime in the future. This is the second read for me. (It's a good thing the library has this book, or I'd be spending the money and storing yet another book.) I just love when you come to the end of a great book. There's that feeling of satisfaction you get from actually having read the entire thing. Plus there's the homey sense of having gotten to know the characters (in fiction) or the author (in non-fiction). I sort of feel like I have a new friend.

And what's even better than finishing one great book? Finishing two in a row. So often a book is either not as good as you hoped, or it starts off great and gradually tapers out. But to have read two great reads in a row is wonderful. Now the pressure is on to pick my next book...

Back to "Better Off." It is such an inspiring read. I really do feel like I'm on a gradual journey, step by step eschewing the "comforts" of modern technology. Like the author, Eric Brende, I do believe there is a place for some of the things we have. My fridge and stove, for example. Love them. Plus my dryer, in the winter time. But I absolutely LOVE my push lawn mower. I actually try to make time to cut the grass to beat James and his electric tear-up-the-grass-into-an-ugly-1/2"-tall-carpet machine. After reading the book again, I'm also intrigued by a hand clothes washer. I saw a video on the type Brende uses in his current house. Imagine a tub with a large stick handle growing up from it. You take hold of the stick and move it back and forth like a lever. It takes about 200 strokes to complete the small load. Even if you were at the slow pace of 2 strokes a second, that's about a minute and a half. Why bother, if you have the ability to simply toss the clothes into a washer and walk away? Consider this quote from the book:

"Primitive technologies are often better suited to the task than more advanced ones. In a world of organic beings and relationships, machines can act as a wrench. It often makes no sense to save labor and time when "labor" provides needed exercise and "time" is spent with family or neighbours."

I just love that thought. Think about that washing machine. If you earn $20 an hour, you had to spend about 50 working hours to buy it. Then you have the worry of it breaking down and needing repairs - repairs you probably don't know how to do yourself, so you have to pay a repairman to do it. Then, because you want to tone your muscles, keep fit, or lose weight, you pay a monthly fee to the gym, where you go and use machines to meet your physical goals. Broken down like that, doesn't it seem silly to buy the washing machine in the first place?

A perfect example in our home is the bathroom. We only have one, and it is on the upper floor. People are surprised we don't have one downstairs. The way I look at it: having a downstairs bathroom would mean one more bathroom to clean, plus I get the added exercise of going up and down the stairs whenever I need to use it, or the boys need help, or we're brushing teeth or washing out a diaper or washing hands...we use the bathroom a lot in a home with three young children.

The other big example from the book is the car. Did you know the just by getting into the car your stress level rises? Even if you are a good driver and you don't feel stressed. The responsibility of driving a massive machine that could potentially harm or kill another human being, even if you are careful and not at fault, is a great thing for our minds to bear. Then, once again, you must consider the outright hours put in to pay for the car, and the hours you must work each week to pay for insurance, gas, registration and upkeep. Never mind the cost of a mechanic and repairs for inevitable breakdowns. Let's do some quick math.

Again, we'll assume a wage of $20/hour.

Cost of car: $12,000 or 600 hours (15 weeks of 8 hour days)
Insurance: $100/month, or 1 hour a week
Gas: $40/week, or 2 hours a week
Additional Costs: $1000 a year, or 50 hours a year
Repairs: anywhere from $300 - $2000 per repair, or 15 hours to 100 hours.

That is a lot of hours to put in, and a lot of added stress. I'm not saying a horse and buggy are a much better option, but certainly a stroll with your family or a group bike ride might save you stress, add valuable time with loved ones, and bonus: meet the gym need once again.

Seriously - gym memberships are a puzzle to me. I had a gym membership for a year, but I only went to lift weights because I enjoyed the actual use of the machine. I was not born with a quick metabolism, or a body that kept a fantastic shape no matter what I ate and how little I exercised (I do know people like this!) But just a few weeks ago I pulled out the last of my pre-pregnancy clothes and discovered, to my delight, that not only did they fit, but I wasn't sucking in and squeezing in like I thought I would - they slipped on into a perfect, comfortable fit! Here is my exercise routine:

1. climb and descend one flight of stairs 30 times a day (okay, I haven't really counted that one!)
2. push a double stroller with two toddlers (100 pounds) while holding a 20 pound weight (Benjamin in the carrier) and walk for 30 - 60 minutes.
3. Mow the backyard with the push lawn mower (takes about 30 minutes).
4. Maintain the garden and trees, which involves squats, arm lifts, digging motion, and more.
5. Around the house chores, which works your arms, legs, and heart. In fact, you probably work all the different muscles in your body when you think of all the different chores around the house. Some day I'll actually sit down and write out a daily exercise routine based on housework.

Why on earth would you spend the added time and money on a gym membership? That's not making life easier. You have to work more at your job to pay for it, and find an extra 6 hours a week to actually go there! Waste of time and money. And you completely miss out on the interaction with friends or family you get in doing chores, going on a bike ride or for a walk, or engaging in another leisure sport (I took up kayaking this year).

Wow, sorry. That got a little preachy, didn't it? I'm certainly not up on a soapbox here, because I haven't quite yet completely adapted the mentality of which Brende write in his book. But as I once again read through "Better Off," I really understood what his point was. I'm not about to move to an Amish community, but I hope to start slowly assessing the role technology and machines play in my life, and see if I can't simplify things a little, save some time and money by getting rid of those "time-saving devices" that actually don't do what they claim.

(Now, the pressure is on for me to choose my next book...three great books in a row is a total high!)

The Book of Awesome

In a strange (but awesome!) alignment of fate, my sister picked me up this book for my birthday, a mere 3 days after I discovered it online, decided I couldn't spend the money on it, and realized that I would probably be 158th in line for it at the library. Awesome!

If you haven't heard of this book yet, here's the gist: a man started a blog about the little things in your day that make it awesome. Things like snow days, bakery air, warm underwear out of the dryer, or finding money in your pocket.

The most hilarious entry I've read yet is this:

"Seeing a cop car and realizing you are already going the speed limit.
Heart rate goes up.
Heart rate goes down.
Awesome!"

But the most true to life entry I read was about old, dangerous playgrounds. You know the ones: metal slides that reach 50C in the hot sun and give the underside of your legs a second degree burn; metal merry-go-rounds to which you cling for dear life while whipping around at 80 mph; 10 foot high monkey bars and 12 foot high beams for balancing; made of all wood, waxed to provide a surface more slippery than ice. The playgrounds that are so dangerous they are being ripped out at record speed and replaced by brightly coloured, extremely safe and utterly boring plastic contraptions. The author insists that should you see one of the old, fun playgrounds, you MUST take time to play on it.

To my utter delight, the campground we were at these past few days had just this kind of playground. It had all sorts of levels that didn't match up right, and horizontal metal poles for hanging on. It honestly looked like a type of ship, which is what led to the boys and my game of pirates. We sailed, we dug for buried treasure in the sand, we lost shipmates overboard, we made each other walk the plank (slide down the blistering slide!), we fought off enemies with swords (sticks) and hoisted the sails and pulled up the anchor and found a golden compass that showed the direction to sail. I've never had so much fun at a playground. I climbed and swung and jumped as much as, or more, than the boys.

And, just to prove how dangerous it was, I have a nice elbow scrape that is scabbing over nicely and a throbbing headache from running face first, full force, into a metal pole. (I still don't know how I didn't see it, since I got myself right across the brow line.) But trade it for the barely inclined ramps, miles of safety poles, and slides that take over a minute to go down...no way! It was AWESOME!

Kayaking

Last night. Beautiful warm evening. Sun nearing the horizon. Silence. My in my kayak.

45 minutes to myself on the lake. 35 minutes paddling, 10 minutes reading "Walden." (I took the book sealed in a ziploc bag and pulled it out while sitting in the middle of the water.) Thoreau reaches even deeper when you can imitate the environment about which he writes.

Perfect.

Currently Reading

You might notice on the right toolbar a new picture I've added. I love to read and always have three or four books on the go at once. I often include in this blog passages that inspire me. So I decided that I wanted to let people in on what book I'm currently reading. Who knows, it may inspire a conversation between us, or perhaps inspire someone else to pick up the book and try it themselves.

No, I won't post all four (or five, six, eight, ten!) books I have on the go. Just the main one.

Which brings me to my latest thought on choosing and reading books. For the longest time I had it in my mind that if I pick up a book, I must finish it. Even if that means slogging through something I am not enjoying. I also used to subscribe to the idea that I should finish one book before starting a second one.

Now I am more of the ilk that books will speak to the reader in different ways at different times in the reader's life. So while "War and Peace" may do nothing for me right now, five years down the road I may wonder why on earth I didn't see the genius of it before. (Side note: I loved "War and Peace!") Reading is a hobby. Hobbies are for enjoyment. Ergo, if I do not enjoy the book, I put it down. I may pick it up down the road, I may never open its pages again. If I enjoy a book, I may read it another three or four times over the years. Then again, akin to my experience with "The Chronicles of Narnia," I may find that a book was perfect for a time in my past, but not relational to me now.

I am always looking for recommendations of books. I can go through the classics easy enough; the list is out there and well known by almost everyone. But I have trouble keeping up with newer books (written in the last 50 years, say). The number of books written has grown, and there simply isn't time to read everything. I don't even have the time just to investigate all the books that have hit a best-seller list. So if you have a favourite book, or read something particularly inspirational or entertaining, I am just the sort of person with whom you can sit down with and share your excitement.

Currently I'm reading (for the second time) "Gone With the Wind." Fantastic book, and even better the second time through. I have very strong opinions about the film, in light of having the read book. Makes a great debate, if you're ever up for it.

(Also currently on the go: "Better Off" (second reading), "The Book of Mormon" (study of the book of Moroni), "Homeschooling on a Shoestring" (random perusing of subjects), and "Walden" (slow going, a couple of pages a week).

Charlotte's Web

We finally settled into "Charlotte's Web" to read. The first day, Colin sat while I read ten chapters. We only stopped because I had to make dinner. I think he might have sat through the entire book at once, if we'd had the time. One of his favourite parts of chapter books is the chapter title. He always makes me read the chapter number and title, and then his eyes grow wide in anticipation of what that title might mean is coming up. And when we stop, he always wants to know what the next chapter is called, and you can see the anticipation in his eyes. The next day we read another 6 chapters, once again stopping only when I had to tear away to attend to Benjamin.

What's made it even more wonderful is that we've been reading it outside on the swing. The swing folds down into a flat bed, and the boys and I, including Benjamin, pile onto it and read away in the shade of the hot summer-like days. Caleb wanders in and out, Benjamin smiles and gurgles and plays with his feet, and Colin lies enthralled as he listens. I have put a moritorium on movies when the weather is nice, and this has become a natural substitute.

(We're nearly done Charlotte's Web - if you have any other suggestions of books that might be of interest, let me know!)

Summer reading, part two

When I reached into my box of books, down in the dark of my basement (the lights are still out), to my delight my hand landed on my Grandpa Martin's old 1946 copy of "Tom Sawyer"and "Huckleberry Finn" (two volumes, one book). It seemed the perfect summer reading fare! A chance to slide into a time period long past in two ways: one, in the era (1870) and two, in terms of age (both protagonists being children).

As I lounged in the sun and opened the first few pages, Colin descended from his bedroom, not tired enough for an afternoon nap. He took in the grey hardcover book, faded with years and fraying from many days of enjoyment.

"What are you reading?" he inquired.
"Tom Sawyer. It's about a boy not too much older than you, and all the trouble he gets in."
"How come he gets in trouble?"
"Well, he tries hard to be good, but he always seems to choose the wrong thing."

Colin watched the pages intently, seeing no pictures, just line after line of words.

"Would you like me to read it to you?"
"Oh, yes please!" came the delighted reply.

And so I started to read from the first page, Colin standing attentively at my side. I invited him to sit alongside me, but he shook his head. I saw a dreamy look settle into his eyes as I read. After a few pages I paused, asked Colin if he wanted me to continue. "Yes!" he affirmed. I read the first chapter, 9 pages, while he stood and took it all in. In the end, we only stopped because Benjamin started to fuss. It is clear, however, that Colin is ready for the adventures of chapter books and the in depth and involved stories found within their pages.

Summer reading

With the beautiful 30 degree weather we have been having lately, I have suddenly discovered the allure of "summer books." I haven't yet picked one up, but the piles of non-fiction lying around my home just aren't calling my name right now. All I want is to be immersed in a wonderful story with interesting characters involved in captivating plots.

However, I'm still not one for mysteries or romances, the traditional "summer fare." More than likely I'll pull out my box of classics downstairs and settle in with Charles Dickens or Louisa May Alcott. I'll still call it summer reading, though. Hey, it's the best I can do!

Excerpt from John Holt's "Teach Your Own" (2)

"A Life-Taught Man"

"Hiram Salisbury was a man of 1815. I list his skills, one sheet of scratch paper after another. He knew every farm chore. He milked cows and attended the calves in birth. He physicked his horse. He plowed, he planted, he cultivated, hayed, picked apples, grafted fruit trees, cut wheat with a scythe, cradled oats, threshed grain with a flail on a clay floor. He chopped the corn and put down his vegetables for winter. He made cider and built cider mills. He made cheese and fashioned cheese tongs. He butchered the hogs and sheared the sheep. He churned butter and salted it. He made soap and candles, thatched barns and built smokehouses. He butchered oxen and constructed ox sledges. He fought forest fires and marked out the land. He repaired the crane at Smith's mill and forged a crane for his own fireplace to hang the kettle on. He collected iron in the countryside and smelted it. He tapped (mended) his children's shoes and his own. He built trundle beds, oxcarts, sleighs, wagons, wagon wheels and wheel spokes. He turned logs into boards and cut locust wood for picket fences. He made house frames, beams, mortised and pegged. With six men's help he raised the frames and built the houses. He made a neat cherry stand with a drawer for a cousin, fixed clocks and went fishing. He carved his own board measures (yardsticks) and sold them for a dollar apiece. He fitted window cases, mended locks, and fixed compasses. He hewed timber, surveyed the forest, wrote deeds and shaved shingles. He inspected the town records and audited the books of the Friendship Lodge, the oldest freshwater Masonic lodge in the country. He shipped plows, constructed carding machines, carved gunstocks and built looms. He set gravestones and fashioned wagon hubs. He ran a bookstore and could make a find coffin in half a day. He was a member of the state's General Assembly, overseer of the poor, appraiser of property and fellow of the town council. He made hoops by the thousand and also pewter faucets. For many years he collected the town taxes...

"I have not listed all of Hiram's skills but enough. I do not think he was an unusual man. Put me in Hiram's world and I would not last long. Put Hiram down in our world, he might have a little trouble with a computer, but he'd get the hang of it faster than I could cradle a bushel of oats."

"I tend to agree that Hiram, though perhaps not an unusual man in his time, would be a most unusual one in ours, far more knowing, skillful, intelligent, resourceful, adaptive, inventive, and competent than most people we would find today, in either city or country, and no matter how schooled.

"But the real question I want to raise and answer is how Hiram learned all those skills. To be sure, he did not learn them in school, nor in workshops or any other school-like activity. Almost certainly, he learned how to do all those kinds of work, many of them highly skilled, by being around when other people were doing them. But these people were not doing the work in order to teach Hiram something. Nobody raised a barn just so that Hiram could see how barns were raised. They raised it because they needed to raise the barn. Nor did they say to him, "Hiram, as long as I have to raise this barn, you may as well come around and learn how it is done." They said, "Hiram, I'm raising a barn and I need your help." He was there to help, not to learn - but as he helped, he learned."

(my own thoughts)
Is it any wonder kids often turn their nose up at school assignments, knowing that there really is no greater purpose behind it? "Why do I have to?" seems to have a valid point, given the above barn analogy. When you see the real life application of a skill, it makes a lot more sense. You can talk all about fishing in a lecture, make me read pages from a book, and even have me hook a line and catch a fish from a little swimming pool. But when I'm out camping with a friend and we have to catch our breakfast, you can bet that's when I'll really learn how to fish.

It goes to show you-

Feeling quite cultured, I clicked on an item available at a bookstore online. It was titled "The Best Books: Classics for LDS homes, 8 vol. set." I thought I'd see how many I have already read.

A little too high on my own horse, I noted as I scanned down the first seven books that not only had I read them all, I also owned them all in my personal "classics" collection.

Then I read the eighth title: "The Scarlett Pimpernel." Funny, I had always thought it was called "The Scarlett Pumpernickel." Yep, that's me with egg on my face.

Excerpt from John Holt's "Teach Your Own"

I am just finishing up a book by one of the leading proponents of homeschooling, or, more accurately, alternatives to schooling. My own thoughts are still swimming around and formulating, so before I write on those, I'll post a couple of my favourite excerpts, the ones that left the greatest impact on me.

"The idea I hate the most about public schools is that they should have my children all day when I feed, clothe, doctor, transport, and care most for them, and I am denied those hours with them and the sharing of their learning experiences. I cannot reinforce their education if I am denied the subject matter they are exposed to and am only left with tired grumps who eat, do homework, and flop to bed."

"The Case for Christ"

A friend loaned me this popular Christian book last week, and in an effort not to have it in my possession for months on end, I've plowed through it in a week and a half. Luckily it was interesting which aids in speeding through a book. But the fast read also gave me some interesting insight into it that I might have missed had I taken a slower pace.

The book is touted as one of the best out there to "prove" the crux of the Christian faith, namely that a carpenter from Galilee who lived on earth 2000 years ago is the Son of God, the promised Messiah, the Christ. A successful journalist takes a "hard look" at the evidence out there, interviewing 13 different authorities on areas including archeology, history, language, New Testament, and others. The author gives himself some good credibility by providing examples from his career as a crime journalist, covering many controversial murder trials and other sensational court cases.

Being a history-lover, I was interested in reading some of the historical evidences for the New Testament gospels. But to be honest, if I wasn't already a committed Christian, I think this book might have tipped the scales to atheism for me! It was poorly argued and immaturely laid-out. The arguments contradicted each other from one chapter to the next. The author posed a question and accepted a superficial answer as a "knock-out punch," when in fact I could think of at least 5 or 6 more probing questions I would have posed.

Perhaps most unnerving was the forceful conclusions drawn for the reader. In a book where the author claimed to want to research the evidence, examine it all closely, and then draw his own conclusions, I found it bordering on dangerous how manipulative his conclusions were. Many people reading would be guided to simply agree with the author rather than process the information personally. In this way, the book borders on propaganda disguised as impartial - a dangerous combination.

I think, too, that this is a good example of how most people of faith react to their own religions. They are aware of the surface answers to questions. Sitting in a bible study or Sunday School class they would offer up these textbook answers, confident in their knowledge and grasp of key doctrines and principles. But they have neglected to dig deeper and yearn for understanding of the concepts to which they cling. I am not saying that religion is bad, but it does help me understand the Marxist quote "religion is an opium for the masses." Too often people lazily rely on others to hand them a watered-down, easily-digested version of faith and never take the time to immerse themselves in the beautiful ideas beneath.

I already stated I am a committed Christian, and a firm believer in my own faith (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). Gratefully I have been taught both the skill and the importance of critical thinking and I love to spend time pondering on the deeper meaning of scriptural teachings. There is much treasure to be found if one digs deeper into the sand rather than just sifting through the top layer. Certainly there were some interesting ideas presented in "The Case for Christ," once I looked past the formal presentation. I learned much in some areas and was given food for thought in others. But although I think the theories are worthwhile, I would definitely look for a different, less pushy source.

The i-pad

I was really excited watching the announcement for the launch of the new i-pad. Honestly, some of it was me just getting caught up in the hype. Apple is really good at that. But as an avid reader who is always buying books and hoarding books and storing books and trying to give books away and trying to decide what I should keep for future reading, the idea of being able to have all these books at my fingertips without a house-full of bookshelves was really appealing!

But I heard a conversation on the radio this morning, as the host mourned the impending i-pad and demise of the book. "How many times have you been sitting on a subway and seen someone reading a book? Maybe you see a book you read and loved and can start up a conversation with a stranger about a common love. Maybe you see something new and ask them how it is. Maybe you see something you've never seen and wonder if it might be of interest. Many times I have come to a new book simply by seeing someone else with it first. But with an i-pad, you'll never know what someone is reading."

That immediately hit home with me. One of my favourite "snooping" activities is to scan someone's bookshelf when I'm in their home. I think what a person reads can speak volumes about who they really are. So often we are presented with only one side of a person: for example, Emily is my church friend, Kathy is my music friend, Erin is my philosophy friend. We can talk for hours and hours with these friends, but usually only on a handful of subjects. But then I'm casually scanning a bookshelf and I see "War and Peace" and suddenly we're talking about a love of classics, or Russian culture. Or I see a book on using food as medicine and we launch into a debate on modern Western views on medicine and prevention.

An i-pad will eliminate one of my favourite secrets! Ah well, perhaps there will be a contingent of us who hang onto the hold way of the paperback book, reveling in the fanning of soft pages and turning down corners and marking up favourite passages. I wonder if there aren't some things that will be able to stand against technology?

Doing the Love Dare

So I mentioned in a previous post on resolutions that I despite the craziness and unpredictability of life with a newborn and my visiting parents and James being off work, I wanted to start the Love Dare anyway. As it turned out, James had the same idea! He remembered me talking about the book when I bought it months ago, and decided that he would privately start the dare himself! We laughed about it when we realized after the first two or three days that in fact we were both secretly going about this activity. So we decided to start over together, reading the thoughts on love each day and then completing the dare together.

We haven't been diligent in completing the dare every day. Some days go by where we have totally forgotten to even open the book and see what today's dare was. But let me tell you, my mentality about marriage and my husband is totally different! We have been married 6 and a half years now - supposedly coming up on the famous "7-year itch." And although our lives now are completely different than what they were 7 years ago, we haven't felt any pressures or suffocating feelings at all. In fact, other than being busier now with the business and with children, we are very much in love.

How things have changed, however, over this past week and a half, is that James is now in the forefront of my mind every day. In the past while, I always knew he was there, but thinking about things like the kids, errands, the house, cleaning, chores, church, appointments and the like always seemed to be first on my mind. James and I always connected at night, but the rest of the time I will admit that I rarely focused my thoughts on him - just him, who he is as a man and as my husband. I also rarely gave much thought to myself in my role as his wife, what I can and should be doing as his leading support. With a new dare every day, now my mind is constantly on James, thinking about the new angle of love we read about that morning, and contemplating on how to complete today's dare. Now when I am rocking Benjamin or wiping a runny nose or sweeping the floor or folding the laundry or loading the boys in the car, I'm thinking about James. I have always known that in my life my husband has to come first, but now I am living that knowledge daily.

I have always been humbled and taught many things on what love truly is. I have been amazed at just how many of my thoughts and actions are done out of selfishness, where before I never would have pegged myself as one caught up in self-interest. I am learning that it is not my job to change my husband (oh - be honest - we all have at least one thing we wish we could change about our spouse!) but that it is my responsibility to change myself. I am not perfect, and am nowhere near perfect, and there are many things about myself that need changing. Now I can adjust my mentality about my marriage, making sure that I am putting my best foot forward and being all that I can be for James.

This Love Dare was born out of a film about a marriage that needed saving. But the amazing thing is that any relationship at any stage would benefit from this experience. For we are never done growing, and we can always learn another lesson or two about love, pure and unselfish love, love in action.

More from Thoreau

I picked up "Walden" again last night, for a few more pages on some thought-provoking insight. He wrote of the beauty of each new day dawning, each morning being a chance to lift ourselves higher than yesterday. Somehow the dawn of a new day speaks to artists; I certainly have experienced this. I have been at my most creative when I have taken an early morning hike through the wilderness of a forest, letting the early light fall on my shoulders and awaken my mind and spirit.

He also had a humourous passage about the nonsense that is news today (it applied 150 years ago, and I think rings even truer today). Who has decided that murders, car crashes, accidents, disasters and such are news? Sure, they are tragedies, but they really are personal tragedies, affecting the lives of those directly involved. I feel it is nothing more than a sick form of voyeurism that we feel the need to watch images and hear the stories of these awful events. And besides - once I have seen one car accident scene, why do I need to see another, and another and another? This has not expanded my world view, challenged my ideas, or informed me about world and community events. The way I see it, these "news items" are no better than any of the other drivel on TV today. Thoreau makes the point that, other than a few items here and there, the news stories could have been written last week, last month, last year, and no one would suspect it. Argh. In case you can't tell, this is a real pet peave of mind, and I got a good chuckle out of the fact that we haven't seem to have progressed at all in this area in the last 150 years.

For Women Only

I have read a new book. Okay I've read a lot of books lately, but I have read another one that has been very profound. "For Women Only", by Shaunti Feldhahn. There are only a handful of books I have read that have really struck me like this, so few I can actually list them here: "The Parenting Breakthrough", "Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology", "Homeschooling for Excellence", and now "For Women Only". There, that's the entire list.

"For Women Only" is a book based on a massive amount of surveys and data collected that addressed the ways men think. Shaunti researched extensively to figure out what the differences were between men and women, how it affected relationships and communication, and how to help women understand how their man's brain works.

It was eye-opening. And I'm not one of the typical girly-girls, all emotion and shopping and tears and chick flicks and romance. I mean, I'm typically woman in many ways, but I have a bit more of an understanding edge to me from my tomboyish beginnings. But this book deals with some core elements of what makes a man different from a woman, and even I fell into every female notion they presented. I guess it would be impractical to say every man and every woman can be categorized as they said, but because Shaunti's research looks at the hormonal and physiological and instinctual reasons behind men's actions, I would venture to say her book would apply to 95% of the population.

The book talks about a man's need for respect even more than love: when asked to choose between feeling "alone and unloved" or "inadequate and disrespected", 75% of men said they would rather feel alone and unloved. This ties to the idea of "I don't need to call a repairman" and "I don't need to ask for directions." The comments in the book really highlight just how important respect is for a man.

In the same vein, it also talks about the man's need to be provider. Need, not just want. Again, the questions and responses revealed what lay behind this urge, and how it manifests itself.

Well, I could go on and on. It talks about how 70% of men worry about being "found out", that they feel as though they aren't totally sure of what they're having to do. It talks about the emotional depth of sex. It talks about the visual nature of a man's mind. It talks about the taboo truths men wish they could express but know it's not socially acceptable.

Really, it's worth the read. It's not a big read, and keeps you turning the pages. You could finish it in a few hours. Actually, Shaunti's husband wrote a companion book called "For Men Only" - you get the idea. I have it, James is aware of it, but hasn't quite gotten to it yet. I actually peaked at a few chapters, and found myself nodding along, agreeing with everything it said. "That's exactly what it's like!" I found myself saying. And when Shaunti had men read her drafts of "For Women Only", she heard the same comment over and over again. Funny enough, that comment was generally followed by: "You mean, you women really didn't know that about us men?" And it's true. It's a completely different way of looking at the differences between the sexes, and I think a must-read for anyone looking to deepen their relationship.

A break with C.S. Lewis

Well, I have come to the end of the massive first collection of his letters. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this format. Having followed his letters from the age of 6 until 33, I feel as though I almost know the man. Admitedly he has not written everything about himself down, and certainly some areas (romantic) of his life are left out. But I watched him grow from a boy to a man, witnessed changes in character, ideas and ideals, morals and ethics. I saw the hubris of youth give way to the humility of adulthood. I followed his rather logical conversion to Christianity. I discovered his likes and dislikes in literature. I saw the things that influenced him as a writer. There were times I couldn't spend enough time with him, and others when I was bored with his company. But in the end, I feel as though I have made a friend.

There are two more volumes of letters, of equal length. I own the second volume, but do not think I will start it right away. I think I need a bit of a break and variety. I realized this morning how influenced I currently am by him, as I found myself wondering how I might get my hands on some 17th century writings...

The pride and sensibility of Emma at Mansfield

Alright. If you recognize the title of this entry, probably best to stop reading now. Fair warning.

James gifted me with a beautiful mother's day present earlier this month - the BBC collection of Jane Austen productions. Somewhere I also have her completel literary collection, of which I can only recollect reading one or two novels. And so my opinions come mostly from the films, which, I have heard, are fairly accurate renditions, only lacking insomuch as the art of film lacks in adapting large novels.

It seems to me that there is but one plot: a headstrong girl meets the man she should be with, spends the entire film flitting about, entangled in misunderstandings of niceties and courtesy, matches those around her with their proper mates, and ends up with the man meant for her all along.

I admit I was taken by the first one I watched, "Emma". I was lured by the eloquent language (which, forgive me, is no doubt seeping through into my writing), the elegance of the society, the drollness of the propriety, and the charm of the era. But as I moved onto "Persuasion" and "Sense and Sensibility," especially watching them back to back, the characters and plots seemed to blur into one big 19th Century romance.

I wonder that the allure of Austen isn't akin to the allure of music: that feeling you get that "ah - that's exactly how I feel!" You know, the song that exactly voices the emotions bubbling inside. Perhaps Jane Austen has put her finger on exactly that - each story slightly different so that one might feel a kinship to one character or another, depending on their love story and situation and history. Maybe I have come across her too late, well-settled into a strong relationship of my own with no sense left of love misunderstood. Then again, I have never had high tolerance for stories that rely on "misunderstandings." A girl who watches a man rush off without running after and saying "you idiot! That was Miss Taylor my sister, not me, who was married last week!" Even now so many romantic stories rely on weak points like this. Austen's work is all the more driven by it, because of the caste and era of her stories. I guess there was a sense of proper behaviour and mode of conversation and polite gestures - but let me tell you, I wouldn't let something like that come between me and my love. (If you know mine and James' love story you'll know I speak from experience).

The only thing I hope is that the films have adapted the essence of the love story well enough, but have left something on the cutting room floor in terms of societal themes. Perhaps, like Charles Dickens or Victor Hugo the social commentaries on the time and people are just as important as plot and character. Or, perhaps after all, Jane Austen is a celebrated classic author for her romantic tales, which I simply don't seem to take to.

Before this year, I might have wondered at myself reviewing classic works as such. But in reading the letters of C.S. Lewis, I chuckled at his reviews of several classic works - in fact, there were many he thought were terrible. Just because a book is classic doesn't make it to everyone's liking, I suppose. And to end off, a few quotes on the true nature of classics: (I say in jest - I'm a huge classic devourer, most to my liking, some I have never gotten past the first chapter.)

"A classic is a book which people praise and don't read."
"A classic is a book that has never finished saying what it has to say."
"A classic is something that everyone wants to have read but nobody wants to read."
"A classic is a book everyone tells you they have read but never have."

Arghhh!

The other day James was expressing his frustration over work. As a business owner, he lamented that he hated the fact that he never knew if he was succeeding or failing, and that there was no definitive end to anything he was doing. I told him the problem was clear - he simply had to unlearn everything he had learned in school, and then he would be alright.

Seriously. What he was longing for was someone to give an outline for a project, with a list of expectations and a due date. He wanted a mark upon completion, a definitive reward for having worked hard and completing the task according to specifications. But the real world doesn't work like that. Not the individual, thinking, business owner world. He actually drew the parallel to his previous university job at Chrysler, which was not an assembly plant, but operated in exactly the same way.

My frustration is boiling over. I am battling my own education background. I was thankfully allowed critical thinking and some educational freedom in the enhanced learning class I attended, but I still struggle against the futile act of simply performing as instructed to receive the paltry (and meaningless) reward of an 'A' grade.

I see how easily I am manipulated. I see how easily I fall into the mainstream. But I also see how easily I am picked up by every canoe paddling upstream. Persuasive government lulls me into a state of passivity; persuasive revolutionists convince me to string along the back of their tails. What I find hard is swimming on my own - being able to listen and analyze and understand the issues and really figure out what is best for me, my family, my community, my society, my culture, my world. I'm allowed to do that, right?

I am furious at our societal model. Wake up, go to work, collect a paycheque, spend it on things, lather, rinse, repeat. We are driven by the media and I'm appalled at the control wielded by people using this vicious tool.

Consume: Why on earth do I need a new top, because I don't have one in mauve? My boots still fit fine - even if they are only a 2" heel rather than the current stylish flats. My TV projects an image, if I even dare to turn it on. The toy room can't be kept tidy for an hour because of the mountain of toys. And yet I am bombarded by the argument that I need/want/deserve more. I have the urge to abolish gift-giving. Can there possibly be anything else I need? Is there an empty nook or cranny to be found?

Entertain: How is it we can empathize with a television character when we so sorely lack empathy in the real world? Why do we know more about 6 "Friends" than our neighbours? Why are our children unable to entertain themselves without a black box? There aren't enough hours in the day already - why on earth do I give up precious time to sitting uselessly in front of the TV?

And so you have it. Work to get money, and then have other people tell you how to spend it, then mindlessly engage in a fictional world so you aren't distracted by the real issues going on around you.

I'm not giving up everything I am. Questioning doesn't mean discarding. It just means knowing why you are doing it. It means understanding what it's really about, not just what others tell you it's about. It means making a truly informed decision about the real issues and motives. It means asking harder questions, not just answering the polite questionnaire distributed in the name of "free choice". It means beating your own drum because you know it's the right way to go, in spite of politicians, experts, media, and even friends and family. And then it's about accepting the decisions of your friends who have likewise opened their eyes and made their own decisions. Just because we come to different conclusions doesn't mean anyone is wrong. Everyone is right, when they have engaged in the process of critical thinking and understanding. And this revolution doesn't necessarily mean extremist. In fact, I might caution that extremism is just another persuasive movement vying for your vote. It's simply about regaining control.

Weapons of Mass Instruction

Uh-oh. I'm reading another education book. This time I'm going to have to make sure I don't infringe on copyright with the number of fantastic passages I want to share. But I'll start with this one, from the prologue of the book "Weapons of Mass Instruction" by John Taylor Gatto:

"Ellwood P. Cubberley (dean of Standford's School of Education and in charge of publishing elementary school texts) wrote in his book "Public School Administration (1922) that "Our schools are...factories in which the raw products (children) are to be shaped and fashioned...And that is the business of the school to build its pupils according to the specifications laid down."

It's perfectly obvious from our society today what those specifications were. Maturity has by now been banished from nearly every aspect of our lives. Easy divorce laws have removed the need to work at relationships; easy credit has removed the need for fiscal self-control; easy entertainment has removed the need to learn to entertain oneself; easy answers have removed the need to ask questions. We have become a nation of children, happy to surrender our judgments and our wills to political exhortations and commercial blandishments that would insult actual adults."

I don't think his statement about "perfectly obvious specifications" is too harsh at all. Children spend the majority of their time in school, therefore the majority of their thinking patterns and behavioural habits would be learned there. I have some serious reservations about the current school system, but I don't think I need to delve into educations specifics to convince anyone. You can tell the tree by the fruit it bears, and it's safe to say the fruit today lacks in so many ways. Should we not be inspired to reformation simply by seeing the undesired product?

Lewis' thoughts

I read these two great passages last night in the Letters of C.S. Lewis. At 26 years old, he had just received a fellowship at Oxford University to lecture in English and Philosophy. On arriving, he learned that he would in fact not be teaching philosophy, simply focusing on English. These are his thoughts on the subject and profession of philosophy:

I have come to think that if I had the mind, I have not the brain and nerves for a life of pure philosophy. A continued search among the abstract roots of things, a perpetual questioning of all that plain men take for granted, a chewing the cud for fifty years over inevitable ignorance and a constant frontier watch on the little tidy lighted conventional world of science and daily life - is this the best life for temperaments such as [mine]?"

I had never considered what souls philosophers possess, what lives they must lead. Imagine to always be questioning lifestyle and existence, never to be at peace with your life. It must indeed be lonely and frustrating and certainly full of turmoil. Here is a second excerpt that made me laugh out loud at the truth of it.

At any rate I escape with joy from one definite drawback of philosophy - its solitude. I was beginning to feel that your first year carries you out of the reach of all save other professionals. No one sympathises with your adventures in that subject because no one understands them: and if you struck treasure trove no one would be able to use it."

I chuckled at the apparent uselessness of the profession - work as hard as you want, no one understands what you are doing. And even when you do finally (if ever) land upon an enlightening concept, no one can actually put it to any use. I guess the vast majority of people are happiest to be going about in their day to day lives and never really thinking past their own front door. But I should end here, or risk venturing into that uncertain and lonely realm of philosophy myself.