Thankful

Today we went around the Thanksgiving table and each named one thing we are particularly thankful for on this holiday. It was quickly evident how much we cherish each other as a family, as we all expressed our gratitude for family members - husbands, wives, sons, granddaughters.

And so I wanted to take a moment and really think about those things I am truly grateful for. It is at times like these that the everyday trappings are stripped away and you realize what really means the most.

I am thankful for my husband, who loves and protects me fiercely. His loyalty is unmatched. I am grateful we are married for 'time and all eternity' and that our family is sealed together forever. I couldn't imagine not being with them once this life is passed. What a blessing it is to have been sealed as a forever family in the temple.

I am thankful for my boys. I am thankful for their infinite love that gives me a glimpse into the love of my Heavenly Father for me. I am grateful that they so easily forgive my shortcomings. I am thankful for their cuddles and hugs.

I am thankful for the material provisions in life with which I am blessed. I am grateful I do not know the pangs of hunger or the bite of the cold. I am grateful not just for 'enough,' but for more than enough and some to spare.

I am thankful for the light and knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the direction it gives me in life, and for the constant drive it provides in me to improve upon myself. I am grateful for the gift of life from my Saviour through his eternal sacrifice. Where would I be today without it?

I am thankful for the gift of music in my life. I can't imagine a day going by without hearing sweet melodies and beautiful poetry.

I am thankful for my beautiful life. It reminds me of a song by Hilary Weeks. When I hear her sing this song, I am reminded of all of which I am blessed.

I am blessed with a beautiful life
I am blessed
All I need He's given me
I am blessed.

There's no doubt Heaven watches over me
There's no doubt
Through thick and thin I'll trust in Him
There's no doubt.

I'll be faithful
Certain as the rising sun
And steady northern star
Constant and true to His name
Like an ocean wave pushing on
Until it reaches shore
Day after day I will remain
Faithful.

These lyrics constantly remind me that I truly am blessed by His love and grace, and are a reminder of the faith I promise Him in return.

Not Too Far From Here

I have had a few discussions lately with girlfriends about raising our kids and the issues they will face as they grow. Our Mother Hearts ache with the thought of the pain and heartache ahead, the challenges and victories, the trials and triumphs. I know every mother prays fervently that their son or daughter will make it through the bumpy road to adulthood relatively unscathed and emerge on the other side beautifully confident in who they are.

I have been pondering lately, trying to pinpoint what I might do as a parent to keep them in their walk with Christ, to help them develop their own testimony of the truths I know so well. I have heard many ideas. Daily talks with God, daily immersion in His word, being surrounded by positive influences, limited exposure to negative media, interaction with good friends...there are so many things I can do by example and help my children to develop as their own habits. But I think I have come to my own conclusion, a little different than the standard answers some will give. I think a serving heart is what makes the difference. If they can see me reaching out to others, serving my fellow men and women, quietly going about trying to do a little good in this world - that is what makes the difference. The other things are important habits to develop, but they can so easily become items to check off on a list of things to do. But all of those things will naturally evolve in you if you have a real love of your brothers and sisters (figuratively speaking) in this world. I want my children to see the world around them with open eyes have a natural ability to see where they can help and serve to make it a little better for someone else.

In this spirit, I have adopted one of my favourite songs as a personal call to action. Here are the beautiful lyrics of Hilary Weeks' "Not Too Far From Here." I have a happiness within me that is attainable by all, and I feel that need to reach out and share it. I pray that the seed of service I plant today within me will grow and bloom to humble greatness.

***

Somebody's down to their last dime
Somebody's running out of time
Not too far from here
Somebody's got nowhere else to go
Somebody needs a little hope
Not too far from here
And I may not know their name
But I'm praying just the same
That You'll use me Lord to wipe away a tear
Cause somebody's crying
Not too far from here

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
Somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here
It may be a stranger's face
But I'm praying for Your grace
To move in me and take away the fear
Cause somebody's hurting
Not too far from here

Help me Lord not to turn away from pain
Help me not to rest while those around me weep
Give me Your strength and compassion
When somebody finds the road of life too steep

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here
Now I'm letting down my guard
And I'm opening my heart
Help me speak Your love to every needlful ear
Someone is waiting not too far from here
Someone is waiting not too far from here

Population Me

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry or always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In m own little world
Population me

I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give ’til it hurts
and I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
it’s easy to do when it’s
population me

What if there’s a bigger picture
what if I’m missing out
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
outside my own little world

***

These is the first part of a song by Matthew West that culminated a long thought process for me. I love how thoughts can stew inside for a long time, ruminating, mulling over, coming to the forefront and fading into the background. I rarely write when an idea first comes into my mind, because it generally takes a while to take its true shape. Eventually it gradually forms into something definite, or sometimes there is a trigger that erupts it like Old Faithful.

This song was definitely a trigger.

How easy it is for me to be inward looking, to be involved in myself and my own little family.

This all began a couple weeks back with a speaker on the radio program "Focus on the Family." The host and guest reluctantly agreed that, at times, there can be too much focus on the family. This statement was made with much hesitancy and proviso, but the nugget at the centre bore some truth. Even in our families, our mission here on earth is to glorify God and develop the charity which is His central characteristic. That is impossible, or at least extremely difficult, to do when our attitude is one of "population me."

So I am going back to school.

I have a preschool homeschool curriculum that is called "Learn Your Letters, Learn to Serve." I picked it up because of the second part - the learn to serve. I truly believe that an attitude of service toward others is the primary factor in shaping a grateful and selfless person. I want to raise my boys that way, and I want to become more like that myself.

It won't be anything world-changing; not on a grand scale, at least. But I'm hoping it will be moment-changing or day-changing for people I come in contact with, and life-changing for me and my family.

I am beginning in a simple way. I'm not quite ready to begin the preschool program, so instead I am beginning by listening. I want to open my ears and my heart, to really listen to those I am around, to hear their needs and then find ways I can meet them. And I'm hoping that the population in "my own little world" will gradually start to grow.

Hunger

"If we are hungry in a natural sense, we don't need sugar coating on our bread. The bread alone will satisfy us. But most of us never have gone hungry for natural food. So we often want to dress it up and make it fancy.

"If we have prepared room in our hearts, we will savor the taste of the Gospel. Like natural food when we are hungry, it will fill us with thankfulness. But if we haven't prepared, over time we will lose our taste and pursue vain amusements."

- "Better Off" by Eric Brende

This is a quote from a Mennonite-type community sermon. It taught me so much about physical and spiritual nourishment. I think I often suffer from being over-satiated with both. I search for ways to gussy up the meals I prepare, saturating foods in sauces and fancy ideas. Likewise, I am often not satisfied with the simplicity of the gospel and search for more complex ideas and histories. While knowing Israelite backgrounds and Greek word roots can open up bible studies to new levels, it is good to remember that all these are simply appendages to the central message of Jesus Christ.

Take me as I am?

The past week or two, my mind has been mulling over the idea of self-betterment. A concept prevalent in most religions, it seems to be disappearing (or perhaps was always non-existent) outside this realm. A strong voice crying "take me as I am" is the motto of today's conceited and self-centered culture. Herein lies no desire to change oneself, to cast of facets of personality which are undesirable and adopt admirable characteristics.

What a task self-improvement is. First to divine the habits or traits which are weaknesses, then to have the humility to desire change, then to embark on a long journey to rid yourself of the undesirable. Such depth of self-awareness is often painful, as opposed to the blissful state of ignorance (using both meaning, one of unknowing and the other of ignoring).

Perhaps just as long of a journey, though somewhat less arduous, is to adopt admirable traits. This involves not a study of self, but a study of others, to view in them such qualities as you wish to cultivate in yourself. Here the trick lies in keeping at bay the green-eyed monster known as jealousy. It is easy to pinpoint good in others, and then despise the easy manner in which it comes to them while it always seems just beyond your grasp.

Nevertheless, while it may be a lifelong journey up a gentle slope, it is important to remember that even a gentle slope taxes your muscles, and progress can only be measured after a great distance is covered and you can look back and see the height to which you have climbed. Not all of it involves lofty ideas; think of the joy in learning a new talent, or the accomplishment of a new skill. I take joy in strumming my guitar, or laying a hand-made quilt over my sleeping baby. I am amazed when I have listened to a still small voice and caught hold of an opportunity to serve another. Even my continued bewilderment at gardening has come to be a challenge to which I want to rise defiantly. When my housework skills prove lacking, I set my hand at it again, trying some new way to conquer it (for I keep constantly in my mind the definition of insanity: doing something over and over in the same way and expecting different results).

The spiritual plane of self-betterment always seems elusive. The constant admonition to set myself to daily prayer, daily scripture study, and to keep a focused mind during sermons and lessons reminds me of how far I have to go. But rather than be a discouragement, I hear it as a reminder of that call to improve myself. I don't want to simply settle for what I am now. I don't want people to have to deal with me as I am. I yearn for an age when I will be less selfish, more patient.

In fact, I am adopting Galations 5:22 as a personal goal. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (NIV) In the past these characteristics seemed to blur together. I found it hard to distinguish one from the next, as they all seemed to closely related. Now, however, as a desire develops from deep within myself, I am more clearly seeing each for what it is, and the manner in which I can start to develop each.

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control

What divine words they are, and each word holds within a beautiful idea. The calling of motherhood provides a fertile plot of soil to start cultivating these traits within myself. I am grateful for a desire to grow and change myself, to have courage to walk down the road of self-betterment in a the midst of a culture promoting a useless universe revolving around self. I am grateful for a husband and children who inspire me to become better and to keep at it, one step at a time.

Ready to fight

I listened to a fascinating discussion today on some of the chapters of Isaiah. It was good timing, because just this morning I was "reading" through some of it, feeling frustrated that I was merely reading words and not getting anything from it. I'm not talking about deeper understanding or allegory - I really felt like I was reading words that made no sense together. I'm sure it's a common feeling when reading this fascinating biblical book. The man was brilliant, eloquent, inspired of God and spiritually sophisticated. I feel like a 2 year old when I read much of his writings.

The discussion (with four scholars) was enlightening. As they went through and added some historical context, the images became so clear, I wondered how on earth I hadn't understood it before.

The most powerful image that stuck with me was about the idea of fighting a battle. One scholar noted how many hymns we have that are about going into battle, getting ready to fight, standing strong and going forward. The words of Isaiah did not mince the truth of the terrible battle being fought between good and evil in this life. He wrote words of action, inspiring readers to truly understand the importance and ferocity of the battle waging. I truly go out each day into a world that is fighting against everything I believe in.

And then came the caution: would I dare go out into battle unprepared and without armour? No soldier would even consider it, so why would I? Why would I step out into this world each day without the protection of prayer and God's word?

I had never considered it in this way before. I have always prayed and read the scriptures - generally when I can find a moment or two during the day. But for the first time I understood the importance of starting my day with these practices. The imagery of the battle came to life and I understood the reality of leaving my sanctuary that is my home and putting myself out there onto the battlefield. I better be prepared for what I will face.

Sincerity and Humility

This evening I was surprised by an apology from 15 years past.

Sitting alone at a musical performance at a church in Brampton, I glimpsed out of the the corner of my eye a man I knew from my school days. Growing up we attended church together, and also the same middle school. He had strayed from the path of faith and religion before high school, and I hadn't heard anything about him since.

When the performance ended I smiled at him, intending to make a dash out the door (as I generally do - to avoid the terrifying act of small talk) He returned my smile and made his way over to me. "It's good to see you," I spoke, genuinely, wondering if I could muster anything else. But the conversation took a quick, unexpected turn:

"I want to apologize for the way I treated you in grade eight."

My mind raced, and yet I could remember no offense from this man. I have been blessed with a terrible memory and an quick to forgive manner, and so although I could not recall anything specific, I knew that very likely I could have been the object of his taunting. Middle school was not very enjoyable for me overall. I thanked him honestly for the apology. I noted how just this afternoon I had been contemplating my own actions and behaviours as a teenager, struck by the intense selfishness of that age. I myself had been wondering who I might have hurt or offended by my thoughtless (though unintentional) ways. But although I had been wondering, I had not considered seeking out those I may have hurt and offering the sincere apology I now feel. No, that was left for me to learn as a lesson this evening, through the actions of a man, humbling himself to realize that though the sting is more than a decade in the past, his repentant nature brought him to offer an apology to me anyway.

And so, this evening I am also humbled, praying that I, too, will take the opportunity in hand, should it be presented to me, to offer my own sincere regret for selfish actions of long ago.

Fireproof

Last weekend James and I caught a showing of the film "Fireproof". While not likely to win many awards, it is a film that resonated deep within many viewers, including myself. A Christian film production by Kirk Cameron, the film challenges the modern-day notion that a marriage is nothing but a contract to be ended when you please. Instead it hails the truth that it is a covenant, sacred between three: you, your spouse and God. The script bravely acknowledges that marriage isn't easy, cannot work in complacency, and requires dedication and work on the part of each partner.

My own emotions are bubbling over, to the extent that I still feel inadequate in trying to pen them. I have witnessed wonderful examples of more than 60 years of dedication, and the heart-wrenching tragedy of separation and divorce. This film is truly "lighting a fire" under all those who have taken the marriage vow to wake up to what they have.

If you get a chance, see the film with your loved husband or wife. Recognize the role God plays in your relationship. Remember the daily efforts to demonstrate your love to your spouse. I'll end with the lyrics of what is fast becoming the "love theme" of the film. The songwriter himself experienced the turmoil of a rocky relationship, and his stark poetry reveals truths so deep and pure they resonate within. May we all have angels guarding our doors.

"Love is Not a Fight"
- Warren Barfield

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave

Lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in the raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
If we try to leave, may God send His angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing of us
But demand we give our all

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

Sleep issues

As a parent, have you ever come across a piece of information that made you sigh one of those sighs that comes from deep within, and releases a huge weight from off your shoulders? I have had this a few times, and an article I just read on infant sleeping had this exact effect on me.

For all mothers of infants who just won't seem to sleep, check the article out:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070900.asp

It's titled "5 reasons why high-need infants sleep differently". I love that the article is not called "why your baby won't sleep" or "why won't your infant sleep through the night by one years old." It wasn't called "sleep issues" or "sleep problems". The title doesn't insinuate there is something wrong with my child, just that there is something different.

Reading the article was such a relief. We know Caleb is high-needs, a definition which includes several important and distinct differences from your average infant: different temperament, different stimulus barrier, different transitions, different sleep maturity and different nighttime needs. All of these difference combine to make sleep a difficult thing for him.

- a tense daytime temperament results in nighttime restlessness
- sensory overload causes him to overreact instead of retreating and tuning it out
- having a hard time making any transition means difficulty going from awake to asleep
- immature sleep habits mean his deep sleep periods are not as long as the average infant
- craving constant physical contact and not being able to self soothe during the day translate to needing mom's presence to sleep at night during the first months. However, these same characteristics as the infant gets older mean that the close presence they crave will actually stimulate them into not sleeping.

This is a perfect description of Caleb. The article doesn't give any "advice" or "solutions". It's simply about understanding your child. and really, that's half the battle. We can read all the books out there, surf all the web sites and desperately try to find someone who wrote something that comes sort of close to what your child is. But the truth is, you'd have to write the book on your child, because no other child out there is exactly like yours. I've found that as I've read books looking for solutions, the case studies might come close to describing our situation, but they rarely include all the elements. Any number of differences could result in a complete success or failure of a method. The best thing I've found is this: read to understand your child, and then use the old mommy instinct (and a little faith a and prayer always help!) to come up with the best solution.

Learning through humility

A good friend of mine was asked to be a Sunday School teacher at our church. She will be teaching a bible study to a class of 40 or 50 adults, leading discussion and highlighting gospel principles. The class is full of people at all sorts of religious and intellectual levels and experiences, some who have a career in bible education, others who have been Bishops or served in other leadership roles. Oh, and my friend isn't even 25 years old yet. And yet, when I heard she had been asked to take this position, I knew she would be perfect. Sentiment throughout the church echoes my own.

I have learned that there is only one requirement to being a devout student of faith. It is not years of experience or how many times one has read the bible. It is humility.

If you look at the world religions, there are examples great men and women in every faith. They are spiritual and intellectual giants, who have devoted their lives to studying and living their beliefs through their religion. Looking at these people, you could not say they were duped, fooled or misguided into choosing their religion. If then, it was possible to definitively determine which religion is correct using man's intellect alone, it would stand to reason that all of these men and women would find themselves coming to identical conclusions about truth.

But they have not. Thousands of religious sects exist, each proclaiming to be the only true way. It would seem, then, to be the height of hubris to say that one could determine the truth by his own studying, logic and deductions. It would take several lifetimes to study in depth all the options. And then it would deem those with less spiritual knowledge unfit to make a decision. I know that personally I have not even a "ha' penny" of the wealth of spiritual knowledge that many others have.

But God does not require that. He did not call the scholarly Pharisees to Apostleship, but humble fishermen. He did not call Saul to preach the gospel when he was a well-known community leader, but called instead "Paul", a meek version of his previous self, ready to teach and be taught by the Spirit of God. Moses was a terrible public speaker and worried no one would take him seriously as a prophet of God. Even the founder of my church, Joseph Smith, was just a boy of 14 when he started on his path, from a family of no importance. By all accounts, he should simply have been ignored among the gathering of great religious intellects of his time.

But, in the end, the only way to find spiritual truths is through humility. Once you admit that you are unable to find the answer by yourself, you come to the level of humility that enables God to teach you.

Give Something

"We must grow in love and to do this we must go on loving and loving and giving and giving until it hurts - the way Jesus did. Do ordinary things with extraordinary love: little things like caring for the sick and the homeless, the lonely and the unwanted, washing and cleaning for them.

You must give what will cost you something. This, then, is giving not just what you can live without but what you can't live without or don't want to live without, something you really like. Then your gift becomes a sacrifice, which will have value before God."

- Mother Teresa, "A Simple Path"

In this Christmas season, I am glad to be reminded about what is truly at the heart of giving. Don't stress over the perfect gift to buy, how much to spend, and whether or not they will like it. No gift can ever have the same impact as one that is truly a sacrifice. I read a touching story of a husband and wife who had no money to their name for their first Christmas together. Knowing of their situation, the husband's grandparents sent each of them a separate cheque, with instructions to by themselves something nice for Christmas. The wife immediately set out to buy a gift for her husband, and tears of joy were shed Christmas morning when she realized that her husband had spent his money on her.

The best gift we will give is ourselves.

Reflections of Christ

I saw this beautiful artistic piece today. It is a collection of photographs depicting the life of Jesus Christ, set to an inspiring interpretation of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing".

I am amazed every day at the power that art has in our souls. It speaks to our spirits on a level unattainable by our communicative mind. It conveys something to our very depths. It reaches in and stirs emotions that you didn't realize were there.

This is the reason why a haunting melody, a touching movie scene, words on a page, the lyrics of a poem, the colours of a painting or the captured life of a photograph can bring literal tears to our eyes. They touch truth.

Take a moment to watch this short five minute presentation called "Reflections of Christ". I have been touched by paintings and film scenes before, but seeing these photographs today brought home to me the very realness of the life of Christ. He lived on this earth and walked the roads. He spoke to the people and touched their lives. He lived, and he died, and now he lives again. There is a reality to this that is often missed, and as we come into this holiday season that exists because of Him, I hope this will help remind us not of the abstract elements of faith, but the true fact of his life and existence.

"Reflections of Christ" (slideshow)

Guided path

Every day I am faced by decisions. Some are larger and more important than others. Some are simple. Some need a lot of my attention. Some just need to be made.

I had never realized the potential seriousness of the consequences that result from each decision I make. I had never realized that there are generally three different courses of action to take, and that each choice has such a drastic result. Then I read this passage yesterday and the imagery stunned me into recognition:

"In meeting these challenges, spiritual submissiveness is fortunately and helpfully adroit - sometimes helping us to "let go" of things...other times to "hold fast," and still other times to use the next stepping-stone."

I imagined myself stranded in the middle of a rushing river, balancing precariously on a stone. The cold water courses past me and I am alone in a wilderness. I have three choices. The first is to "let go". I am not strong enough to swim against the powerful current, but if I let it carry me downstream, just around the bend and out of sight perhaps it empties into a calm, shallow pool. The second choice is to "hold fast". Perhaps instead of safety, at the end of the river is a plunging waterfall that would hurl me into danger. But if I were to cling with all my might to the rock, I could wait out the high season of water and eventually the river would recede to a depth which I could wade through to the shore. The third choice is to "use the next stepping-stone". Maybe this river always runs high and fast, and I would only expend all my reserves of energy by clinging to the stone. This would leave me with no choice but to try and leap from one rock to the next, up or down stream, and eventually to the riverbank.

I do not have the ability to see what lies beyond the river bend; I do not have the knowledge to determine if the high water levels might subside; I do not know if there are enough stepping-stones to lead me to the shore. Which decision should I make?

Each of these decisions is drastically different, each holding it's own path and consequences. Seeing this image in my mind so clearly speaks to me the importance of not relying on my own limited experience and knowledge to make the decision. Why would I want to? There is someone omniscient, with a much better grasp on life than me. Why do I put myself before God, trusting in my "arm of flesh" over his all-seeing eye? Why do I see spiritual submissiveness as a weakness, rather than a strength?

It makes no sense. And yet it is a lesson I'm still learning...

He'll Carry You

He knows your heart
He knows your pain
He knows the strength it took just to simply breathe today
He sees the tears that you cry
He knows your soul is aching to know why.

He hears your prayers, each humble word
When you said you couldn't face another day He understood
He knows the path when you walk blind
Though you've felt alone He's never left your side.

He knew there'd be moments when no earthly words could take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you.

He'll bring you peace and leave you hope
And in the darkest night He'll comfort you until you know
the sun will rise
And each new day
You will have the strength to live again.

And in the moments when no earthly words can take away your sorrow
And no human eyes can see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you.

He hears you
when you're crying in the night
He hears you
when your soul longs to fight
'Til the morning will come
and the light of the dawn reassures-

That in the moments when no earthly words can take away your sorrow
And no human eyes can see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you.

- Hilary Weeks

A simple testimony

Something different about the church I attend is that we don't have a preacher, per se. Not in the same way as other Christian churches, who have one (or a couple) designated persons who preach the Sunday sermon each week. Instead, all the members of the congregation take turns teaching each other, with 2 or 3 speakers sharing the sermon time.

Yes, this means that everyone will likely speak at least once during the year. The topic is assigned by our Bishop (at the head of the congregation), and usually you have 10-20 minutes to fill. So although not everyone is a powerful orator, and each speaker is at a different point in their spiritual journey, we realize that we can all learn from each other. Even the teens take a turn (although they usually only speak for 5-10 minutes).

Yes, it can be very scary. Standing up in front of 150 people to speak about such a personal subject can be daunting. But the experience is also humbling and revealing. And the person who inevitably gets the most out of the sermon that day is...you!

Some weeks I struggle to stay focused, as someone reads monotonously from a novel of typed pages. Other weeks we are in stitches as a father shares stories he learned as a dad. Some Sundays are deep in doctrine as someone who has made a career of studying the scriptures shares what he knows. Some Sundays are profound in their simplicity. Today at church we had a beautiful example of simplicity.

An elderly woman sat poised her chair in the front of the chapel. Her smile was there, but there were slight trembles at the corners. She surveyed us all as the meeting was opened in song and prayer. When it came to her time, she slowly rose and made her way to the podium. Her trembling hands placed sheets of paper in front of her and she looked out upon her audience. "This is my first talk in front of you all," she confessed in halting English, layered thickly in a Polish accent. She then began to deliver the words she had prepared on the most simple subject taught by our Lord: charity. The concepts she spoke of were not complex, and the scriptures she quoted were short. A minute in, her eyes began to tear as her trembling voice tried desperately to get through. "I'm so scared, I have such stage fright" she interjected, then continued. Her fingers reached for a tissue. And yet she persevered. When all her reserves of courage finally gave out, she stopped mid-thought and pronounced "I think that is all, now." She quietly made her way back to her seat. Even though the ordeal was over, I think it was likely her heart still pounded in her ears.

I was taught much today. God's message is one of beautiful simplicity. Charity: the pure love of Christ. All the rest is ornamental; it is this one virtue for which I must strive, for without it I am nothing.

I also remembered that I must rise to the occasion to which I am called by God. I pray not for a task equal to my ability, but an ability equal to my task.

Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy

I love discovering new-old hymns. There is a lot of fantastic new and inspirational Christian music, but there is something enduring in the hymns of years gone by. Every so often I become acquainted with an old hymn whose poetry touches my heart.

"Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy" is one I've come across lately.

The words and melody are beautiful, but it was the story behind the song that impressed me. The hymn was written by Philip Paul Bliss after hearing a sermon about the Cleveland harbour.
On dark, stormy nights, although the lighthouse burned bright, it was of great importance that the lower lights of the town along the shoreline be light. Although the lighthouse could guide the boat in the general direction, the lower lights enabled the boats to navigate the rocky channel. The sermon was concluded with this admonishment:

"Brethren, the Master will take care of the great light-house; let us keep the lower lights burning."

And so, the words to this mid-19th century hymn were penned.

Brightly beams our Father's mercy from His lighthouse evermore,
But to us He gives the keeping of the lights along the shore.
Let the lower lights be burning! Send a gleam across the wave!
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman you may rescue, you may save.


(Aside: just as I wrote the title of the hymn above, Colin started singing the song to himself while he is playing! There is much simplicity and beauty in being taught spiritual truths through music.)

A Prayer from Mother Teresa

Deliver me, O Jesus,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the desire of being popular,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being suspected.

Relationships take work

I know that relationships take work, if they are to grow and evolve and deepen. One of the wisest pieces od advice I've received about marriage is to work hard at it. Some marriages end in explosive battles, often spurred by selfishness. Others, however, just fade away. The years go by and the days fill with other commitments, work, kids. Your spouse just always seems like she/he will be there, until one day you find yourself looking across an empty table at a complete stranger. I have an aunt and uncle that recently experienced this. They have amicably divorced, finding that they simply have different interests and wants after 25+ years of marriage.

I also know how much work friendships take. Again, with life so busy, friends who I used to see or talk to weekly, if not daily, I rarely touch base with once a month any longer. Some of my best friends from school I haven't seen in the past year. Others I am not even in contact with any longer. None of these friendships soured, they just went by the wayside.

What I had never realized, however, is that this also applies to my relationship with God. I am not always actively working at keeping our relationship strong. I don't ever mean to walk away from Him, and yet with a lack of work on my part, I find myself distant from Him. Why is it that I expect that our relationship will just stay the way it is, despite my lack of effort? No other relationship works this way. Life is full and busy. If I don't actively work at keeping my relationships strong, they'll fizzle.

If you had asked me what my focus as a faith-filled person was up until last week, I would have said "service'. I always strove to serve those around me, showing my love and care for each person in my life, and also those strangers I come across, by actively doing. "All we need is love" would have been my answer to the question of how to solve many of the problems in our society today.

But I have since rediscovered what our primary purpose should be. In fact, "Love thy neighbour" is the second great commandment. The first is "Love the Lord, thy God, with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." What I really should be actively pursuing in life is my relationship with God. For although I can try to love my neighbour as myself, my natural selfish tendencies will only frustrate this goal. With a strong relationship with God, however, he will give me the love I need to overcome my selfishness, and truly be able to love and serve those around me.

This will be sort of an experiment on my part, then. But I believe that if I focus on improving my relationship with God, really coming to know who he is and what he wants for me, then his love will fill me, and overflow into the world around me. I won't have to work hard at consciously serving others - the second commandment will naturally occur as I work hard at the first.

Relationships take work. So I'm putting my nose to the grindstone and getting some serious work done.

Wrecking ball

I heard a woman use the expression yesterday "God completely wrecked me." She was referring to an incident that caused her to completely reevaluate her priorities in life, and the "facts" that she had considered unswerving.

Immediately, the image of a huge wrecking ball swinging full force into a building filled my mind. I saw the carefully built walls crumbling in an instant. A few weeks back I witnessed the demolition of a two-story house: it was brought to the ground in less than 20 seconds. It would likely have taken months of labour to build it up, and it was all erased in an instant.

God is working at me in much the same way. I work so hard laying each brick. My building grows taller and taller and then in one or two good knocks my understanding and way of life come crumbling down. It is a good thing - no, really, it is. Amazing knowledge and understanding emerge from the settling dust, as I am awakened to a new reality. But it can be hard to know where to start, standing alone amidst the destruction around me.

And so, God is wrecking me. He's continuously trying to teach me that it's a pointless endeavor to build my own walls. I might as well be building the tower of Babel. Good intentions but wrong purpose. God's will and plan for me are what is best for me. Why do I always insist on trying it my way first? I feel like I'm two years old so many times, digging my feet into the ground and saying "I want to do it by myself!"

But exciting things are stirring within me. This morning alone I jotted down seven or eight individual thoughts, each of which my mind is mulling over, exploring. They'll find their way to the page eventually. Not all at once, for they each need time to grow. But let me tell you, God didn't just knock a room down here, the whole building has come crashing down.

Moms with sons

One of the focuses this weekend at an inspiring church conference was the influence and power that mothers have in this world. Highlighted was one of my favourite scripture stories that I thought I would share today. It is from a book of scripture called "The Book of Mormon", which is an account of ancient peoples in the Americas (600 BC to 400 AD).

This story centres around a group of people who lived without God's light in their life. They had lived many years warring with people in the land, seeing much bloodshed and loss. When they finally heard God's word, they were converted, and had no more desire to participate in violent acts against the people of the land. So they made a covenant with God that would give up their lives before killing again. They buried their weapons of war so that they would never take them up again. Even after making this covenant this people still found themselves under attack, to the point that a neighbouring city offered them a refuge and protection.

The times were still wrought with violence, and this new covenant people saw the suffering of their protectors. They were brought to the point of wanting to break their covenant so they could assist in defending their city. However, a commander named Helaman knew the seriousness of a covenant with God, and knew they could not break it for fear of losing their souls. Fearing there was nothing to do, the brave sons of the covenant people stood up. They had not yet been born when the covenant was made, and so were not under the same promise. They gathered together to fight for their parents. They entered into a covenant of their own, that they would never give up their liberty, even if they had to lay down their lives for the cause.

2000 brave young men took up arms to fight under Helaman. They had never fought before, and yet did not fear death, for they knew that their cause was good, and that God would be with them. When asked what inspired such great courage in them, their response was this:

"We have been taught be our mothers that if we do not doubt, God will deliver us. We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

These boys had been taught from their childhood to trust God. They didn't doubt the existence of God, because their mothers believed. The miracle of this story is that although they suffered great injury, not one of the 2000 young men were lost in the battles they fought.

I yearn to instill this same courage and knowledge in my own children. They will fight for freedom in many ways: yes, they may one day need to fight in a physical war (pray, never!), but they will definitely need to fight the war on families, freedom, faith and God. I am feeling the weight of my mothering responsibility like never before. "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world". It is my privilege and responsibility to teach my sons truth and raise them in courage.