A Day in the life of Colic

(I want to note - this entry is not about garnering sympathy from readers - it is merely an entry of information).

Our little one has colic. For those of you not familiar with the term, it is basically a five-letter word for "I don't know". Doctors use the word when a baby is in pain and it has something to do with the digestive system. In an adult, the doctor would ask a variety of questions to narrow down the diagnosis. In babies, however, they are often unable to determine the problem. Most often it is summed up as an underdeveloped digestive system that just needs to "work itself out".

So what does having colic mean in day to day life? It means your baby cries - a lot - inconsolably. It means tears stream down his face and his lips quiver, his feet wrenching up and down, back and forth, in and out. It means that he feeds irregularly and rarely sleeps. It means that he is never awake and happy, or even just sitting or lying down - if he is awake, he is crying, or about to cry if you stop rocking him or try to put him down. It means literally having to hold your baby anytime he is not sleeping, and often when he is sleeping. It means watching your precious little one in excruciating pain and knowing there is little you can do about it but try to comfort him in your arms.


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Diary of a Colicky Baby:

12am-2:30 am - the one block of sleep Caleb gets
2:30-3am - feeding
3am-5am - lying in bed, grunting, squirming, sniffling, wanting to sleep but unable to
5am - feeding
5:30-8am - crying, screaming, with one or two small 10 minute naps
8am - feeding
8:30 - 11am - crying, screaming, pausing only for a minute or two to catch his breath
11am - feeding
11:30 - 2pm - crying, which is calmed to sniffling as long as I am carrying him directly upright
2pm - feeding
2:30 - 5pm - crying, screaming, with a few 10 or 20 minute naps
5pm - feeding
5:30 - 11pm - crying, screaming, feeding on demand, a few naps as long as he is being held in the sling
11pm - feeding, in our bed, followed by sleep as long as he isn't moved at all

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I've heard about colic, but I never really understood it. A friend of mine experienced it with her newborn this year, and now truly sympathizes with our plight. The mother of a colicky baby does whatever she can to ease the crying, both for her baby's pain and her own sanity. We co-sleep, we feed on demand, we feed on a schedule, we let them sleep in a swing or a carseat or on our chests or anywhere that works. We forgo burping if they fall asleep feeding. We sit and cry right along with them. We make and break rules daily.

The doctor tells me prime colic time is 4-8 weeks. Caleb started right on cue at 4 weeks, and is now 8 and a half weeks. Today Caleb had two bouts of 3-4 minutes during which he was awake and not crying/whimpering. It actually scared me to see him just sitting there, eyes open, with no noise. I had to go over and interact with him, just to make sure everything was okay. We are praying (fervently!) that he is nearing the end of it, or that our two-month doctor's appointment tomorrow will provide some insight.

Now you know a little more about colic. In the words of my friend's mother (who had 8 children of her own) after 2 hours of baby-sitting her colicky grandson: "I had no idea it could be like that." I hope they are able to find a little bit more about 'colic' so that we are able to rid our vocabularies of this mysterious word and replace it with some real answers.

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2017 - postscript

I noticed that this post regularly gets traffic, 8 years later. I wanted to note here that we now believe our "colicky" baby had undiagnosed food allergies. Our daughter born 4 years later had the same thing, and with new understandings of how food allergies can manifest in the body, we were able to get her body under control.  In addition to crying all the time, Caleb (and our daughter, Juliette) had eczema.  Caleb's cheeks would bleed it was so bad. Juliette's face would get a little puffy.  Because the allergies were so many, food elimination diets didn't reveal anything.  Juliette could not eat: gluten, oats, rice, beans, dairy, corn, or soy. If she stayed on strictly fruit, vegetables, eggs and meat her "colic" was gone and her skin stayed clear. Good news - she outgrew it by the age of four.  Caleb, I believe, outgrew most of his between 2-4 (the colic stopped at 2, the eczema at 4). I also had to stick to Juliette's diet while I was nursing her. And Juliette's medical allergy test (scratch test) showed negative for everything, but our doctor said those tests are inconclusive before the age of 5, and from pictures of reactions said that indeed she did have the food allergies. We used a homeopathic doctor to help us with Juliette.  We don't see that doctor for anything else, and we don't usually see a homeopathic doctor, but it did provide what we needed at the time.  Obviously not all colic is allergy related, but I know how much mother's of colicky babies need information for anything that might possibly be an answer.

New Year's Resolutions

I am not making any New Year's Resolutions. I find it too depressing, as most resolutions have fallen by the wayside by the end of January. So I've decided I no longer believe in making New Year's Resolutions.

Really, it's the common concept of New Year's Resolutions that I take issue with. It implies writing up a list with three or five or ten numbered items, such as "I want to lose weight" or "I want to learn a new skill" or "I want to watch less television." Resolutions are rarely more than one line each, and often extremely vague.

The term "goal-setting" seems much more productive. Setting a goal involves stating the goal to be achieved, but also coming up with a list of steps which will take you toward that goal. When you realize the work involved in each goal, you are much more likely to set fewer goals, each one being more realisitc and specific than "resolutions".

However, I am not making any "New Year's Goals" either. I am making New Year's projects. I find the term project much more hands on. It inspires a work ethic. It has the sound of something I am starting and going to finish. Maybe it's leftover from my school days, during which I thrived on getting a project done. I may not have started them right away, but even as a last-minute worker I enjoyed the idea of doing a project and doing it well.

And so I have a few projects in mind that I'd like to accomplish. I have not set a time limit, as life with my kids is way too unpredictable. But I'm excited about the projects, excited enough that I don't think I will let these ones slip away and end up causing more disappointment than satisfaction.

Best Friends

(Overheard by Mommy and Daddy)

Caleb lies on the floor, cooing softly. Colin enters, sees his brother, and lies down opposite him. Colin gently strokes Caleb's chest, staring into his eyes. After a minute, Colin shares his thoughts:

Colin: Best friend, Caleb? Okay.

Christmastime

Well, we made it. We survived, what I affectionately call, the "four days of Christmas". We are blessed to have many members of our close and extended family nearby, which means that we have a Christmas celebration every day from the 23rd to the 26th of December. I even hosted my first Christmas this year when James' family came in from London. (And yes, my first turkey was a success!)

What was a little wild, however, was the sheer amount of stuff we acquired this year! All given with good intentions, it became a little much for our little guy. We forget that with that many days in a row of relatives, visiting, food, treats and presents, it can become tiring and overwhelming for anyone, and especially for a two-year-old.

As I dropped the bags of opened gifts in our playroom, I wondered if the true meaning of Christmas might be getting lost for Colin. We love and appreciate everyone's gifts - I could see the joy in their eyes as Colin opened something they had lovingly picked out for him. However as I sat there surrounded by so many new toys, I wondered how I could get through the materialism aspect and reach Colin about why giving is so important this time of year.

Then it hit me. It didn't necessarily matter that Colin was receiving so much, as long as it was balanced with him giving as well. So yesterday after his nap, we sat in the playroom and chose some of his toys to give to children who don't have any. It took a few of my own selections before Colin got the hang of it, but then we went through his buckets together as he chose a few of his toys to send along the way. We talked about how lucky he was to have so many clothes, toys, and enough food to eat and a warm house to live in. We talked about how other little children don't have all that we are blessed to have, and how Jesus has asked us to do what we can to help them. So especially at Christmastime, we needed to give what we could.

I'm not sure how much of it all will stick, and I pray that in a few days Colin won't be upset when he can't find some of his older toys, but as a parent, I'm just trying each day to fulfil my responsibility in teaching and raising my precious boys.

There is a beautiful lullaby that I sing, which reminds me that my children are not gifts, but a precious loan from my Father in Heaven. Though the task might seem daunting at times, I'm working hard every day as I help to direct those I have been entrusted with on this journey called life.

The New Trivial Pursuit

James and I love to play board games, and our favourite by far is Trivial Pursuit. We've been playing the original Genus edition for years, even though there are countless other card refills and versions that have been released. Last year, finding we were starting to hear the same questions over and over again, we decided to invest in version six, to give us some new cards.

Last night we pulled it out again, and realized why we hadn't played it again since last year. The questions were beyond obscure and impossibly hard! These weren't general knowledge, they were specific trivia written by extreme geeks who had studied that subject exclusively for an entire lifetime!

But from this unfortunate event was born "the new" trivial pursuit. We decided to create our own questions, sort of a party mixer version. We asked questions about ourselves, such as "What were the solo songs I sang in "Man of La Mancha" or "What school sports teams did I play on?" We had such a great time, both thinking of questions about ourselves and answering questions about our spouse. The questions are divided by categories, such as "People and Places", "Science and Nature", or "Arts and Entertainment", and we made sure to devise questions within each category.

This game receives 5 stars out of 5 from us, and comes highly recommended for good friends and spouses everywhere!

"Happy Birthday Chocolate Cake"

Earlier this month, I made a delicious chocolate cake for Colin's birthday party. He thought it was just the best thing he'd ever seen. Every few days after that, he'd sing to himself the line "Happy Birthday to you" followed immediately by the question "Chocolate cake?" After the first week it evolved simply into "Happy birthday chocolate cake?" We gently explained to him that the cake had been a special treat for him on his birthday, and that no, we wouldn't be having it every week.

Yesterday (Christmas Day), we explained to Colin the reason we were celebrating this holiday, that it was to remember the day Jesus had been born. It was Jesus' birthday. Not too long after, Colin looked up at me and asked "Happy birthday chocolate cake?" Without thinking I absent-mindedly started to say "no honey, not today..." then realized in fact he had been processing the idea that today was Jesus' birthday, and indeed it did warrant some chocolate cake.

And so last night, after returning from our drive to look at the neighbourhood Christmas lights, Colin and I made another yummy chocolate cake. We watched a short five-minute film on the birth of Jesus, and then sang him happy birthday, blew out the candle and enjoyed the decadent dessert.

I love the innocence of my children. I love their matter-of-fact way of looking at the world. I love their logic. I love how much I can learn from them. I love that we made "Happy Birthday Chocolate cake" and I think last night a new Gawthroupe family tradition was born.

Letting our kids learn

I rarely do this, but I read something that was eye-opening to me as a parent. Here are a few sections from an article titled "We Let Them Learn" by Laverd and Flora John:

"During our early years as parents, we behaved as if our children had been born to us - to have, to hold, and to mold. It was so easy to tell them what to say and do, and if our directions were correct, we shared part of the credit for their successes. Eventually, we learned that pushing them - "do your homework," "clean your room," "do the dishes" and so on - generated feelings of resentment and resistance.

"The day our family home evening lesson included the scripture "let every man learn his duty", our eyes were opened, and our approach changed. To let them learn, we had to acknowledge that our children had been born through us with agency and the potential to unfold...

"So we began arranging situations for our children where they could unfold on their own....

"The let them learn concept helped us when Rose Marie, our 11-year-old, asked, "Do I have to go to church today?" Our first impulse was to say, "Yes, you do!" But we quickly regained control and let her learn by saying, "We can't answer that question." "Why can't you?" she asked. "If we say you have to go, you may go, but with a negative attitude toward learning. If we say you don't have to go, you may stay home, and then the responsibility is ours. We lose either way. So you will have to decide whther or not to go." She pleaded: "Then can you tell me why you're going? I don't understand why it's important to go"...

"We savored every experience as we let our children learn the warm feelings of satisfaction and the unbelievable blessings that come from keeping the Sabbath day holy, paying tithing, budgeting money, cooking meals, cleaning the house, keeping the yard in good shape, and belonging to a supportive eternal family."