Homekeeper Challenge #3

This week was inspired by this beautiful flower. It was hiding around the side of our house, a wonderful splash of sunny yellow to welcome spring. And so I have decided (not lightly) to begin gardening.

It is important to note here that I know less than nothing about gardening. Until today, I thought those beautiful bunches of blue were flowers...but nope, they're weeds. And upon finding that out, I had no idea what I was supposed to do about them.

So today the boys and I hiked over to Home Depot and picked up one of those weed-pullers (I don't even know what the proper name is!) and I spent the better part of the afternoon attacking the backyard. We are somewhat cheating for our lawn care - we discovered that the price of buying all the fertilizer etc. is nearly the cost of having someone come in and do it for us! With James being so busy and the boys keeping my attention, we just figured it would be easier all around. (However, I did go over to Home Depot, got a quick rundown on lawn care, and bought all the soil and fertilizer. Now I have to take it all back!)

At any rate, I kept at it while Colin ran around with his shovel, trying to help scoop up the weeds, and after two hours it looked as though I had aerated the lawn! And yet there are still huge patches of those little blue flowers.

You know, they really are kind of pretty. Between my aching back and sunburn, I'm contemplating leaving them and calling them my "random garden".

This will be an ongoing project, as I really would love to at least have the gardens left to me by the previous house owners in presentable shape. I'm also hoping to grow a little vegetable garden in the back. Before today if you'd asked me if I'd ever garden, the answer would have been a big fat no. But I truly enjoyed my time in the yard today. I guess everything changes once you've got your very own piece of land to cultivate and care for.

By the way...anyone reading this who has a better grasp on gardening than I, if you're interested and willing to come over and give me a few pointers and tutorials to get me started, I would be beyond grateful. So grateful I will trade a good lunch, free babysitting or other offering in return!

My beautiful boy

Today was a wonderful day. A beautiful, memorable, amazing, wonderful day. Today, Caleb didn't cry. This is a milestone for us, because he has spent almost every waking moment since birth crying, or on the verge of crying. It has been a stressful five months. As a mother, I've felt quite distant from him. I've tried so hard to find that bond that I know exists, and yet seemed to elude me every day.

Today Caleb, Colin and I had friends over, walked to the library for a reading program and then to the Early Years Centre to play, had lunch and naps, played with toys, had a barbecue and then cleaned up the backyard. Caleb came happily along in his carrier, stroller, and high chair. This afternoon, when I came back downstairs after running up to grab a diaper, I found Colin sitting on the floor next to Caleb, reading him a book.

At bedtime, I took Caleb upstairs and enjoyed some alone time while he fed. I sang a few lullabies, and he cooed at me. I placed him in his bed and he sleepily gazed up into my eyes as I kissed him goodnight and closed the door.

I don't know if this is a natural turning point, or just a special day to be cherished while we continue to look into what is bothering him. But I thank God for giving me this wonderful day. I really needed it, and He knew it.

Today was a wonderful day.

Doctor frustration

Have any of you encountered doctors that leave you feeling worse when you leave than when you came in?

Here in Orangeville, there is a serious doctor shortage. When we moved here, we submitted our names to a waiting list - and were told it might be two years before we hear anything. There is only one "walk-in" clinic in the whole town. It operates only from 5pm-8pm, Monday to Friday, and serves all of us here with no doctor. James went once and sat there for the full three hours before being seen. People start lining up at 3pm. Clearly this is not an option for little ones.

Luckily, because Caleb was born just after we moved here, my OB got him into a local doctor. It's a husband and wife team, but they said they could only take Caleb to begin with, and would see later on if they could take the rest of us. We found out last month that we could all sign up with them.

Sadly, I have been very disheartened with them. I'm not sure if there has been an outside pressure as of late, but they seem to be very concerned about the "paperwork" aspect of it all. We had to sign a form saying we would not see any other doctor. Apparently, family doctors are now charged every time one of their patients goes to a walk-in clinic or sees a doctor other than their own. Should we try to see someone else, our family doctor has the right to terminate the relationship.

Talk about pressure! But I don't think I could see someone else if I tried - I called around the other to find a doctor who would see Caleb for a "second opinion" - apparently most doctors won't do that anymore. Instead of an information-sharing community, it seems as though it's a "doctor-eat-doctor" world out there! Our instinct is that Caleb's incessant crying and projectile vomiting isn't "normal", but there doesn't seem to be anyone we can go to for help. I'm currently trying to explore some other avenues, but I feel as though I'm stumbling around in the dark, hands outstretched, praying I don't crash into anything serious.

We are also somewhat apprehensive about vaccinations and immunizations. Colin had trouble with his vaccines, and so we wanted to take things slower with Caleb, be more informed about what they are giving him, and decide for each vaccine whether or not we wanted him to get it. When we tried to discuss the matter with our doctor, out came the threats again. If we choose not to immunize completely by the age of three, she will "terminate the relationship".

Threatened, confused, worried, bullied...these are some of the adjectives which describe my feelings right now. Clearly having any doctor is better than none, because there will be ear infections, the flu, fevers and more with my kids over the years, and I'll need to be able to see someone. But I'm certainly becoming less and less impressed with the modern practice of medicine.

Homekeeper Challenge #2

I have long been frightened by the chemical list on the back of my cleaning supplies. Over the past four and a half years that I have been making my home, I have been trying to find cleaner, greener, safer ways to clean my house. Long ago we switched to using vinegar and water to clean the floors, and baking soda as a mild abrasive for the stove and countertops and pots. A few months ago I hunted for all purpose cleaners and bathroom cleaners that claimed (on the bottle, anyway) to be better for us and the environment. But I wanted to do more.

So this week I started doing some research. My goal was to rid my home of all those chemical based cleaners and to try and use homemade products instead.

I started with a little internet research. It was astonishing. My eyes were opened to the vast uses of: vinegar, baking soda, and lemon. Here's a smattering of what I learned:

Vinegar: use as a disinfectant and deodorizer. Mix one part vinegar with one part water, add to a spray bottle and use as an all-purpose cleaner! Can also be used as a fabric softener.

Baking Soda: use as a deodorizer, cleaner and mild abrasive. Because it maintains the pH balance, it neutralizes both acids and bases to eliminate all odours. Will also cause grease, dirt and grime to dissolve in water. Sprinkle in garbage/diaper pails, or on the carpet before vacuuming. Microwave a few tbsp in some water for a few minutes and it will loosen caked on food bits. Can also be used as a cleaner/deodorizer, or to unclog drains (I have the formulas if you want them).

Lemon: use as a deodorizer (fresh lemon smell) or as an antibacterial and antiseptic cleaner (thanks to its acidity level). Also dissolves soap scum and hard water deposits, will clean and shine brass and copper, mix with olive oil to use as a furniture polish, mix equal parts lemon juice and water in a spray bottle and use as an air freshener.

These are just a few of the uses I found, and I am so excited to start implementing them! I'll have to provide an update as to what I find effective and what ideas don't work as well. I was especially glad to find the air freshener idea, because I've heard those spray bottle we get from the store are absolutely awful for you.

Lastly, I also found a few books that provide more ideas. I'm still waiting for them to come in at the library - I'd like to peruse a few before I invest in one or two for myself. From what I can tell, these books literally have hundreds of ideas, and will definitely be useful to have around the house.

Well, I hope this is a little help to you also. Please feel free to leave a comment on any other ideas you use around the house, or natural/homemade cleaners you've been using!

Song of Praise

I have realized that I have included far too little music in this blog. Music is such a huge part of who I am. I believe that because music is felt in the soul, and therefore is a true reflection of what one feels inside. I want to start including the lyrics of some of the songs that inspire me.

The first one I included a while back was called "In the Meantime". This song speaks to me as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, woman and daughter of God. (Check under the label "Music" to find it.) But today I'm including the poetry of "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief", one of my favourite hymns from church. The imagery is so powerful I feel as though I am the one writing this story. If you have ever heard the melody, it is simply beautiful. James has sung this hymn numerous times in church, a capella, and it touches hearts everywhere.

A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief

A poor, wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not pow’r to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Once, when my scanty meal was spread,
He entered; not a word he spake,
Just perishing for want of bread.
I gave him all; he blessed it, brake,
And ate, but gave me part again.
Mine was an angel’s portion then,
For while I fed with eager haste,
The crust was manna to my taste.

I spied him where a fountain burst
Clear from the rock; his strength was gone.
The heedless water mocked his thirst;
He heard it, saw it hurrying on.
I ran and raised the suff’rer up;
Thrice from the stream he drained my cup,
Dipped and returned it running o’er;
I drank and never thirsted more.

’Twas night; the floods were out; it blew
A winter hurricane aloof.
I heard his voice abroad and flew
To bid him welcome to my roof.
I warmed and clothed and cheered my guest
And laid him on my couch to rest,
Then made the earth my bed and seemed
In Eden’s garden while I dreamed.

Stript, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

In pris’n I saw him next, condemned
To meet a traitor’s doom at morn.
The tide of lying tongues I stemmed,
And honored him ’mid shame and scorn.
My friendship’s utmost zeal to try,
He asked if I for him would die.
The flesh was weak; my blood ran chill,
But my free spirit cried, “I will!”

Then in a moment to my view
The stranger started from disguise.
The tokens in his hands I knew;
The Savior stood before mine eyes.
He spake, and my poor name he named,
“Of me thou hast not been ashamed.
These deeds shall thy memorial be;
Fear not, thou didst them unto me.”

Merry-go-round

..Do any of you remember those old merry-go-rounds that used to dot the playgrounds of our youth? They were basically a circle platform of flat metal, with four or six large metals handles that were used for pushing the merry-go-round around in a circle, and then hanging onto while on the ride.

Lately, this is the best analogy for how I feel in my life. I'm running, clinging onto the pole for dear life, trying to jump onto the platform. But the other kids are older and bigger and stronger, and pushing just a little bit faster than my little legs can run, so I'm just sort of being dragged around and around and around. My legs are still moving, and I'm not down yet, but I feel like I'm right on the edge between being able to keep up, or being thrown from the ride.

Everything seems just out of reach. This is the hardest part for me. When I'm in a tunnel and it's so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face, I'm driven to push through to find a light. I put my head down and just plow through the darkness until I emerge, finally lift my head upwards and bask in the warmth of the light. But when I'm staring down my tunnel and I can see the end not too far off, I feel like every step I take gets me no closer. Then end is always just out of reach. There's always one more household chore to do, one more mess to clean up, one more lesson to study or project to undertake or relationship to deal with.

And yet adversity makes us grow. Complacency doesn't produce character. I imagine that if I ever had everything under control, my life would be very dull. (Although a little more control would be nice!) How liberating it is to live by my own sense of time. Or rather, my children's sense of time, which is fairly non-existent. Colin doesn't care if it's Tuesday or Wednesday, or three-o-clock, or April or what. His body understands time in a natural way - when it's dark, he needs to sleep. When it's light, he wakes. When he's hungry, he eats. When he's curious, he investigates.

As a mother, I understand I do need a little more structure than that - if I didn't create a schedule I couldn't promise you how often I might actually vacuum. And yet my flexibility is exploding. I never used to go anywhere without my watch and my datebook. Now I'm rediscovering the delight in living moment to moment.

Colin: Mommy, can we go to the centre (Early Years Centre - a play area)?

And why not? Before I would have had the day planned, and if I had included a visit to the centre, then I would have said yes. Now I realize that there is little stopping me from living life from whim to whim. As Colin grows he will understand scheduling and appointments and time. But for now I won't rush it. In fact, I'll revel in it!

(But for the record...I still feel as though I'm on that merry-go-round!)

Reviving Ophelia

I am at a loss at where to begin about this fantastic book I just finished. Selfishly I think I'd rather just keep these thoughts to myself, allowing the ideas to ruminate and grow and evolve within me. However the subject of this book is just too important not to share with you.

The book is subtitled "Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls". It is written by clinical psychologist Mary Pipher about her work with teenage girls over her lengthy career in therapy. She wanted to study the phenomenon of girls falling prey to such dangers as depression, eating disorders, abuse, and suicide attempts. Personally I had what I would consider a fairly healthy and uneventful time during my teen years, however this book spoke to the very core of me. Pipher delves into the need for teen girls to find their true selves and the struggle to stay true to that through the turbulence of culture, peer pressure, parents, media, boys, and the hundreds of other areas which impact these few but important years. Her insights are eerily accurate and each page provides insight into why we girls do what we do.

This book is a must read - for parents of girls, people who work with girls, and all girls in general. I wonder if I had read it as a teen what my reaction would have been? They say hindsight is 20/20 - and perhaps as a teen I might have been too self-absorbed and self-assured to understand the truths found within these pages. But I am grateful to have had those seemingly chaotic and crazy years dissected for me, so that I may understand more about myself, and be readied for the inevitable work I will one day do with teenage girls.