Benjaminugget

You know how "they" say that babies love skin-to-skin contact? I remember those first few weeks when you cuddle up to a swaddled newborn and let their warm skin melt right into your chest. It never lasted much past those early weeks, though.

Until now. Benjamin has suddenly rediscovered a love of skin-to-skin time. Out of nowhere, when he is really tired, or being rocked before bedtime/naptime, or when he just wakes up, he will squirm down in my arms, pull down the neck of my shirt and cuddle his face into my chest. Even if my shirt is not so pull-down friendly, he'll work really hard and squishing it down so he can find a warm spot of skin to lie against. So sweet.

HNIC: PS

As it turned out, there was no Leafs game on Saturday night! It was the All-Star break, and I had no idea how to break it to Colin. Turns out, I didn't really have to. The All-Stars skills competition was happening instead, so I just explained that instead of a game, we'd watch a whole bunch of little races.

In preparation, I dug out my old Leafs jersey from high school. Colin put on his hockey pyjamas, and threw on a Maple Leafs t-shirt over top. Then he gathered all his little hockey memorabilia (right down the the Kinder surprise hockey playing duck figure) and lined them up on the table next to the couch. He also brought down his comforter with the Original Six logos on it. James made us a feast of junk food including popcorn, mozza sticks and ice cream.

We settled into the evening. The first half hour of ceremony was almost painful it took so long, but we made a game out of playing "watch for the Leaf players" and "identify players from the original six" (logos on comforter, remember?)

The first event was for fastest skater. Lots of adrenaline and rooting for our team (the one with all the Leafs on it.) But it was the second event that made the night. Called the "Breakaway competition" it actually wasn't about scoring at all. It was about showmanship. Each player in the game tried to show off with a fancy trick or two as he skated toward the goalie. It didn't matter if the puck actually went in the net, in fact, the goalies were also in on the game. The goalies would try to stop the puck facing backward, or with their glove over their face, or doing twirls. The players would twirl and twist and lift up the puck with their stick or try to bat it out of the air.

We had two favourites. One player donned a Superman cape and a pair of thick glasses. Then on his way down the ice he slid on his stomach as though flying through the air. He hand passed the puck from one side of his body to the other, catching it with his stick and flinging it into the net. On his second go, he used a trick puck that exploded into 5 chunks when he let go of his slap shot. The second favourite player stopped midway on his skate toward the net, threw off one glove, then the other, tossed his stick away, then pulled a mini 12" stick from underneath his jersey, and proceeded to score on the goalie with the miniature stick.

But my favourite part of the night was watching Colin. He was so ecstatic about everything! He would jump up and perform a live replay of the neatest tricks. Then he would make up his own trick, if he was in the competition. We would cheer when we got a point and groan when our team lost one. We cheered extra loud for the Maple Leafs.

This is definitely going to turn into a weekly event for Colin and I. It was so much fun, spending time just the two of us.

Why the golden rule can be a bad thing

We all learn the "golden rule" when we are young: do unto others as you would have others do unto you. It seems a perfectly good rule to live by, one that should bring peace and happiness to your life and the lives of those around you.

But sometimes, it is the wrong thing. The completely wrong thing.

I heard a story the other day that illustrated why, in marriage, the golden rule should not apply. It had to do with french fries. If you like french fries, you know that there are a hundred different types out there - thin and thick and baked and deep fried and salted and plain. Every restaurant has their own type, every store bought brand has many varieties, and even when you make them at home you've got lots of options.

There once was a woman who loved super crispy fries. But she loved her husband so much that every time they had french fries she gave him all the super crispy ones, a selfless act of sacrificial love. The thing is, her husband really loved his french fries more soggy. But every time they had french fries he allowed his wife to give him the crispy ones and selflessly let his wife take the soggy ones. It was several years before the couple found out the truth about their mate's preference in french fries, and luckily they were able to laugh about their breakdown in communication (and from that day forward enjoy their own favourite kind of fries.)

French fries are admittedly a small matter in marriage. But apply this story on a larger level and you can see where trouble could brew. Let's say, after an argument, the woman really wants to sit and talk it out until the wee hours of the morning. But her husband needs a 24 hour cooling off period. If they applied the golden rule, "do unto others as you would have others do unto you," then because the wife would try to sit down with the husband and force him to talk immediately, because that's what she wishes would be "done unto her." And the husband would graciously give his wife space for 24 hours, because he feels he should "do unto her as he would have done unto himself."

The examples could go on and on. How a couple spends their time alone. How they deal with extended family issues. How often they invite people over. How they raise their children. How they approach their sex life.

In fact, selfless love in a marriage usually involves the opposite of the golden rule. It means open communication, finding out what your partner's needs, wants and desires are and then sacrificing how you would rather have things done in favour of doing it their way. Of course there is a give and take involved, times where you give and times where you receive. But I can certainly attest to (and I'm sure many of you can also) that the greatest happiness you will find in marriage is when you are not getting your "own way" but are instead doing something special for your spouse.

Hockey Night in Canada

When I was 15 years old, I discovered hockey. I wasn't raised in a sports-watching home, and while I enjoyed playing on school teams, we weren't really a sports-playing family either. But somehow, one Saturday night, I landed on the CBC on TV, and Hockey Night in Canada. My love of the Maple Leafs was instantly born.

What was even cooler was that my mom wandered in and asked what I was watching. When she saw what it was, she sat down in ecstasy, and admitted before she married my dad she had been a huge hockey fan! We watched many Saturday night games throughout my high school years, and I have followed the team on an off ever since.

I always figured I was just waiting until I got married, then I would find in my husband a soul mate in sports. I mean, most men are into sports, right? Well, turns out I married into a family who aren't sports people either. Neither my husband nor his three brothers are big sports fans. I mean, come on! What are the odds?!

Now I have three sons, and I hope my odds will be better in finding a kindred spirit in my love of sports in one of them. They are too young now to be anything other than influenced by what James and I expose them to. Without TV, I don't watch too many games anymore, but with internet streaming improving, there just might be a revival of HNIC in our house after all! It was sports day today at Colin's school, where everyone wears their favourite team shirt. Yes, both my boys are decked out in Leafs gear. And last Saturday Colin wandered into my room and asked if there was hockey on, and, perfect timing, the Saturday night game had just started. I think I have found our new tradition! Colin and I have a date for tonight again (just for the first period of the game) to watch the Leafs and eat some junk food (probably ice cream, but as he gets older, we'll certainly crack out my traditional pizza/wings/wedge fries/pop fare.) Here's hoping it sticks with him!

Colinism

Last night James showed Colin and Caleb the short film he made in university. It's a great little comedy piece called "The Dim Reaper" about the Grim Reaper's son learning to take over for his father. The boys have been asking for a long time to see both of our movies, so James obliged. However, because I was really sick and in bed, he didn't want to show the boys my movie without me being there to see their reactions, so instead he popped in "The Sound of Music" and showed them some of the songs and scenes. All three boys had their eyes glued to the screen, absolutely loving every minute.

When James turned the movie off for bedtime, Colin turned to James and said "Daddy, I liked your movie, but Mommy's movie was amazing!"

While I wish I could say my student film was as brilliant as one of the best movies of all time, in truth Colin just didn't realize James had skipped over my film.

"Convince me"

I hope the "convince me" method will be the one I favour when my children are teens. I love this concept. The idea is that, once you have raised your children to their teens, it is time to let them start making decisions. If you are authoritarian until they leave home, they will be unprepared to make rational, smart, difficult decisions on their own. So those teen years are perfect for helping them to learn how to make good choices.

That being said, I don't believe you can leave them all to themselves, since hormones and other cray brain activity can impare good judgement. Enter the "convince me" method. When my instinct is to say "no" but my teen is firmly on the other side of the fence, instead of just saying "no," I say "convince me." This will hopefully mean that my child will go away and think about the situation, the outcomes, the problems, the solutions. I'm a pretty good debater, and they will soon realize that they will have to think out the situation from all angles if they are truly going to convince me. The end result of this method is that eventually by the time my kids come to me with a request, they'll have thought it out completely before hand, thus equipping themselves with good decision making skills.

Colinism

"Mom, can we have a chat?"

Colin entered my room calmly, came to the side of my bed and posed this thoughtful question in a serious manner. I agreed, and he laid out his plan. You see, over the last two weeks he has been yearning for a certain Lego toy he saw in his Lego magazine. He originally asked us to buy it for him, but we quickly explained that we don't buy things whenever we want just because we want it. We first have to have the money to buy it, and if we don't, we have to save up. I recommended he put it on his list for his birthday/Christmas.

But then I felt a little bad, because, of course, his birthday and Christmas both come in the same month, which just passed, which means another 11 months before that comes around again. And I could see how hard that would be for a six year old.

After we said we wouldn't buy it, he said he would save up his money. He opened his piggy bank and counted the few dollars that were in there. And I felt a little bad again, because we don't do allowances yet, and now is not exactly a good time for me to start enforcing new ideas around the home.

Anyway, back to Colin in my bedroom, and his request for a chat. In a manner that showed he had put much thought into the matter, he laid out his plan: he asked if he could do some big chores around the house to earn some money, in order to save up to buy his toy.

Well, he hit it on the head of the nail. There are many different methods parents use for allowance, but the one James and I like most is that there are "family chores" the boys will be expected to do because they are a part of the family: keeping their rooms clean and the play room tidied, and, as they grow, sharing part in things like cleaning the bathroom, dishes, laundry, etc. But we will also use a "money chore" list - a list of bigger chores around the house that need doing, and that have an assigned money worth to them. At any time, the kids will be allowed to choose from that list to earn money.

I told Colin I'd think about some money chores. It's hard, because he is only six and isn't strong enough or big enough for bigger tasks. And the smaller ones are ones he does as family chores. Then I realized this would be a good opportunity for some long neglected chores to get done, ones that have been missed because I'm ill and James is so busy.

So now, once a week, Colin can choose to wash the kitchen floor (water, vinegar and a scrubby sponge), wash the bathroom floor, or vacuum the stairs. All three never get done with the regularity we'd wish. A perfect symbiotic relationship!

He's so eager to start right away, but we had to convince him to wait until Saturday to be shown how to do it and what level of quality is expected to earn the money. But he's a good little worker, and I have no doubt he'll get to it! He's a great example for his younger brothers, also.