I feel in a low valley. I feel uninspired. I feel tired. I feel anxious. I feel disconnected. These are not my usual feelings.
And I don't think I got there in just the last three days. I must have been on a slow slope downward for a while and not really realized it until things slowed down. I guess auto-pilot has been on for a while, and I'm just starting to realize that while everything is functioning around me normally, something feels at odds. It is as though my life is a puzzle, completely put together, but even though the pieces all interlock properly the picture doesn't make any sense.
I'm not sure what the answer is. The weather is beautiful, James hasn't been inordinately absent with work, the boys aren't any crazier than normal. I maybe have had a little less me-time than usual, but that doesn't even feel like the solution.
Hmmm. I hope it's just a temporary funk. The last two nights I've taken Benjamin for a walk in his stroller just before bedtime, a half hour where he is just sitting, taking in the world and I'm soaking up the sun in my beautiful neighbourhood. Perhaps that will be the jump start I need.