Today was a day.
I marvelled at Caleb. He told me he'd decided on a career - a nuclear scientist. He wants to figure out how to "neutralize nuclear bombs before they go off." (his words.) So he found a science book that explained the theory behind nuclear energy. Then he came up with the idea that, because the protons and neutrons and electrons spin in a tight cycle, and if he came up with a second layer that spun even tighter it might prevent the destabilization and detonation.
I got news that a screenplay I wrote passed the last hurdle before going into preproduction.
I met a wonderful kindred spirit at a friend's house, and when I left I couldn't wait to meet again.
I hashed out some organizing issues with some smart women, and I realized that I don't have to own all the decisions about how to keep this place clean. Two things have bugged me for a while... The first is how frustrated I get at having to organize and reorganize my husband's clothing drawers every week. Every week I take everything out and put it back in nicely, in order. And every day he rummages around and messes it all up. I would stew about how he doesn't appreciate my effort enough to keep it tidy. Well, today I realized that not only does he probably not mind the drawer that way, he probably never even noticed whether it was tidy or not. So now I just shove it all in each week, and he hasn't noticed and I don't fume. The second is that he always put his work and church binders on the cubby in our front hall. I would clear the mess down to his office in frustration, and then he would be frustrated the next morning when he went to pick up the binders and they weren't where he left them. So today I gave him a cubby box for his binders. Problem solved.
Juliette screamed for an hour in protest at bedtime. But the boys all read to themselves for 45 minutes and then turned out their own light promptly at 8pm.
I paced around the house, desperate to purge and realizing there isn't much more to go. And still I don't feel quite settled with it.
I sat out in the backyard of my friend, taking in the quietness of the country and the indigo jewel of a pond and the hazy air and the infinite shades of green. I was there for 4 hours, and the light was perfect every single minute.
These are the days I'm living.