Deliver me, O Jesus,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the desire of being popular,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being suspected.
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Money, economy, and grown-up worries
I'm in the middle of another "mind-shift". These internal, personal evolutions seem to be coming closer together now, and are of a deeper meaning.
Economic down-turn, recession, depression. Scary words in a world where the majority of people live paycheque to paycheque. This is where I send out a huge thank you to my parents who taught me money-sense, and to my husband who shares my views. We long ago paid off all debts, built up a sizable savings, invested a little in long-term secure investments, created a monthly and yearly budget, track every expense, and set out a specific plan to pay off the house. None of this is easy on one modest paycheque that allows me to stay home with our boys, but we persevere.
Ironically, during these uneasy and wearying times, we are surprisingly financially secure. This past September James left the security of his employment to launch full-time into our own business. Actually, it's a family business, which his father began, James is expanding, and his brothers are also going to be involved. Over Thanksgiving, we had a share-holders (I'm a shareholder! How grown-up!) meeting to go over the future plans and outlook of the company. The numbers blew me away. Owning your own business is a lot of work, but the benefit is that you can grow it as large as you want. And, if successful, the monetary rewards can be...very rewarding.
And so amid all the chaos, we find our family in a good spot. With a good outlook.
And yet, I'm experiencing a mind-shift.
I've been moving in this direction over the past few months. I have become acutely aware of the lifestyle the Western world strives toward. I have become aware of the clothes spilling out of my closet and drawers as I buy another cute sweater. I have become aware of the endless pursuit to bigger houses. I have become aware of the piles of toys. I have become aware of how easy it is to buy something because I can. I have become aware of the attitude of ease that accompanies financial security.
While my brain was sorting through all this, two books fell into my lap: the first was "A Simple Path", an interview with Mother Teresa detailing her simple and profound way of living. The second was "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau, who writes an account of his simple life in a woods. I'm currently in the middle of both books and find myself reading all those jumbled up thoughts in my head written down in an orderly fashion.
Thoreau talks about the general pursuits in life. Once you have obtained the necessities, then you often obtain more of those. And once you have more, then you try to obtain better. More, better, more, better - I think the cycle becomes subconscious. I liken it to being on a staircase - if you are standing on a step and there is another step in front of you, you don't think about whether or not you want to climb the staircase - you just put one foot in front of the other. Stair after stair, our minds are programmed to perform this task. But when do we stop ourselves and ask "is this enough"?
I'll leave today with two quotes from the books I'm immersed in.
"People try to fill the emptiness they feel with food, radio, television, and keeping busy with outside activities. But this emptiness can only be filled by the spiritual, by God. If we give time for God to enter this space, then our hunger can be more easily satisfied by just being with God in prayer. From this place we can grow stronger in our relationship with God and in our spiritual life. But it is a hard thing to be prayerful in our society, which feeds us with so many distractions." (Mother Teresa)
"Most of the luxuries, and many of the so called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hinderances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have ever lived a more simple and meagre life than the poor." (Henry David Thoreau)
Economic down-turn, recession, depression. Scary words in a world where the majority of people live paycheque to paycheque. This is where I send out a huge thank you to my parents who taught me money-sense, and to my husband who shares my views. We long ago paid off all debts, built up a sizable savings, invested a little in long-term secure investments, created a monthly and yearly budget, track every expense, and set out a specific plan to pay off the house. None of this is easy on one modest paycheque that allows me to stay home with our boys, but we persevere.
Ironically, during these uneasy and wearying times, we are surprisingly financially secure. This past September James left the security of his employment to launch full-time into our own business. Actually, it's a family business, which his father began, James is expanding, and his brothers are also going to be involved. Over Thanksgiving, we had a share-holders (I'm a shareholder! How grown-up!) meeting to go over the future plans and outlook of the company. The numbers blew me away. Owning your own business is a lot of work, but the benefit is that you can grow it as large as you want. And, if successful, the monetary rewards can be...very rewarding.
And so amid all the chaos, we find our family in a good spot. With a good outlook.
And yet, I'm experiencing a mind-shift.
I've been moving in this direction over the past few months. I have become acutely aware of the lifestyle the Western world strives toward. I have become aware of the clothes spilling out of my closet and drawers as I buy another cute sweater. I have become aware of the endless pursuit to bigger houses. I have become aware of the piles of toys. I have become aware of how easy it is to buy something because I can. I have become aware of the attitude of ease that accompanies financial security.
While my brain was sorting through all this, two books fell into my lap: the first was "A Simple Path", an interview with Mother Teresa detailing her simple and profound way of living. The second was "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau, who writes an account of his simple life in a woods. I'm currently in the middle of both books and find myself reading all those jumbled up thoughts in my head written down in an orderly fashion.
Thoreau talks about the general pursuits in life. Once you have obtained the necessities, then you often obtain more of those. And once you have more, then you try to obtain better. More, better, more, better - I think the cycle becomes subconscious. I liken it to being on a staircase - if you are standing on a step and there is another step in front of you, you don't think about whether or not you want to climb the staircase - you just put one foot in front of the other. Stair after stair, our minds are programmed to perform this task. But when do we stop ourselves and ask "is this enough"?
I'll leave today with two quotes from the books I'm immersed in.
"People try to fill the emptiness they feel with food, radio, television, and keeping busy with outside activities. But this emptiness can only be filled by the spiritual, by God. If we give time for God to enter this space, then our hunger can be more easily satisfied by just being with God in prayer. From this place we can grow stronger in our relationship with God and in our spiritual life. But it is a hard thing to be prayerful in our society, which feeds us with so many distractions." (Mother Teresa)
"Most of the luxuries, and many of the so called comforts of life, are not only not indispensable, but positive hinderances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest have ever lived a more simple and meagre life than the poor." (Henry David Thoreau)
Monday, 27 October 2008
Youth fireside
Last Sunday I gave a Youth Fireside at our church. (A fireside is basically an evening where a guest speaker comes to address a specific topic related to the youth). I had only about a week's notice, which is not a long time when you have to fill 30-45 minutes. I serve in the Women's ministry in my church on Sundays, and that's a whole lot easier. With adults, you simply have to make the topic interesting. With youth, you have to make the topic, the delivery and yourself interesting. This generally means trying to have most of the address memorized, because reading from a paper for an hour is boring.
I was asked to talk about the "do's" of the Word of Wisdom. The Word of Wisdom is a health code by which we try to live, which encourages health and strength, and honoring our bodies created for us by God. Mostly people refer to it as the reason why we don't drink alcohol or coffee, and why we don't smoke or use illegal drugs. And as a teenager, this is the part you mostly remember - the "don'ts"
However, this is actually a very small part of the health guidelines. The larger part is the "do's": do eat mostly grains, fruits, vegetables, herbs, and eat meat sparingly. In our age of fast food, convenience food and junk food, this part if often unintentionally neglected.
So, having immersed myself in reading about whole, natural and organic foods over the past six months, I was approached to talk to the teens on this subject.
I opened by having them look over the code with me - and realize themselves how little of it is actually spent on those three "don'ts", and how much more is actually there. I love to teach via self-discovery - a lot less work for me, and a lot more meaningful for them!
Then I had 10 food containers (pots, casserole dishes, etc) on a table and inside each one was an object that demonstrated a point I wanted to make about eating healthy food. Each container corresponded to an interesting fact I had discovered in my reading, something they probably didn't realize. For example, in one pot was a 2 kg bag of sugar. We talked about how much sugar is in soda pop, and that the average teen boy consumes the equivalent of 17 bags of sugar a year in pop alone! Another container revealed two shopping lists that listed the ingredients in making a strawberry shake - homemade and manufactured. There are 5 ingredients in a homemade strawberry shake. There was 7 pages (large font) of ingredients in a fast food shake.
After the fireside I felt really good about the success of it. We laughed, talked, and discussed. They actually participated, which can be a difficult task. I managed to stay mostly off my notes and hit all my points.
But the real confirmation of the success came the next morning. I dropped off Colin at nursery school, which is run by two ladies from church. One of them, Linda, has a teen daughter who was at the fireside. As Linda and I got talking, she made this comment to me:
"Evelyn really enjoyed the fireside last night. She came home and said "Mom, it was surprisingly really good"."
Linda immediately blushed. "Oh, I don't mean she thought you would be boring, she just...I mean...you know, the Word of Wisdom..."
I cut her off. "Linda, that's probably the best compliment I could hope for from the youth!" And it truly was. From an age group that is often sullen and reluctant to engage with adults, I'll take "surprisingly good" any day!
I love working with teens. I know most people would shudder at the thought, but I love the challenge. This is when you can really impact their lives and help shape their futures. I love being a part of that.
I was asked to talk about the "do's" of the Word of Wisdom. The Word of Wisdom is a health code by which we try to live, which encourages health and strength, and honoring our bodies created for us by God. Mostly people refer to it as the reason why we don't drink alcohol or coffee, and why we don't smoke or use illegal drugs. And as a teenager, this is the part you mostly remember - the "don'ts"
However, this is actually a very small part of the health guidelines. The larger part is the "do's": do eat mostly grains, fruits, vegetables, herbs, and eat meat sparingly. In our age of fast food, convenience food and junk food, this part if often unintentionally neglected.
So, having immersed myself in reading about whole, natural and organic foods over the past six months, I was approached to talk to the teens on this subject.
I opened by having them look over the code with me - and realize themselves how little of it is actually spent on those three "don'ts", and how much more is actually there. I love to teach via self-discovery - a lot less work for me, and a lot more meaningful for them!
Then I had 10 food containers (pots, casserole dishes, etc) on a table and inside each one was an object that demonstrated a point I wanted to make about eating healthy food. Each container corresponded to an interesting fact I had discovered in my reading, something they probably didn't realize. For example, in one pot was a 2 kg bag of sugar. We talked about how much sugar is in soda pop, and that the average teen boy consumes the equivalent of 17 bags of sugar a year in pop alone! Another container revealed two shopping lists that listed the ingredients in making a strawberry shake - homemade and manufactured. There are 5 ingredients in a homemade strawberry shake. There was 7 pages (large font) of ingredients in a fast food shake.
After the fireside I felt really good about the success of it. We laughed, talked, and discussed. They actually participated, which can be a difficult task. I managed to stay mostly off my notes and hit all my points.
But the real confirmation of the success came the next morning. I dropped off Colin at nursery school, which is run by two ladies from church. One of them, Linda, has a teen daughter who was at the fireside. As Linda and I got talking, she made this comment to me:
"Evelyn really enjoyed the fireside last night. She came home and said "Mom, it was surprisingly really good"."
Linda immediately blushed. "Oh, I don't mean she thought you would be boring, she just...I mean...you know, the Word of Wisdom..."
I cut her off. "Linda, that's probably the best compliment I could hope for from the youth!" And it truly was. From an age group that is often sullen and reluctant to engage with adults, I'll take "surprisingly good" any day!
I love working with teens. I know most people would shudder at the thought, but I love the challenge. This is when you can really impact their lives and help shape their futures. I love being a part of that.
Friday, 24 October 2008
Calebites
Caleb's place to store his soother while he nurses: in my mouth. Just in case I was needing a little soothing while he ate.
***
I'm working on getting Caleb used to a sippy cup. He doesn't even really use a bottle on his own, but I figure at almost I year, I'd be putting the bottles away soon anyway. He's not really getting the idea of the cup yet. The other day he found his cup, brought it to me, put it in my hand and then threw back his head and opened his mouth wide, waiting expectantly.
***
Still a great lover of food, nothing is safe if it's within Caleb's incredible reach. At Thanksgiving I fixed him his own plate of all the good eats and he sat on James' lap to eat. And eat he did - from his own plate, James' plate, Grandpa's plate and any platter within his arm's reach. earlier in the day we had gone out with James' parents and were sitting down for lunch - hot dogs. I had intended to pacify Caleb with a bit of bun and then feed him when we got home. But Grandpa, sitting across from Caleb, got distracted talking and was holding his hot dog a little too far across the table...
***
I know most parents would think I'm crazy, but I can't wait for him to learn how to talk. Caleb not being able to communicate to me is the most frustrating part of our relationship. He's an extremely strong-willed kid, and knows exactly what he wants. And he always wants it now. The current stage he's in means he justs points and lets this loud yell/growl out until we figure out what it is he's after. And it's not even worth trying to ease his temper with something else. His way or the highway, baby.
***
Caleb walks everywhere now. There was no stopping this kid once he figured it out. Crawling up the stairs also came immediately. Coming down was a little harder to master, but luckily it only took a few days of tumbling down the one stair into the playroom before he decided just to sit and yell at me to lift him down. And after a week of constantly doing that, I decided that he was going to learn how to do it himself. Thankfully, he did, and quickly. His judgment is sometimes a little off, but it's so funny to watch him get to his stomach, turn his feet around and then blindly shimmy around until he finds the stair.
***
I'm working on getting Caleb used to a sippy cup. He doesn't even really use a bottle on his own, but I figure at almost I year, I'd be putting the bottles away soon anyway. He's not really getting the idea of the cup yet. The other day he found his cup, brought it to me, put it in my hand and then threw back his head and opened his mouth wide, waiting expectantly.
***
Still a great lover of food, nothing is safe if it's within Caleb's incredible reach. At Thanksgiving I fixed him his own plate of all the good eats and he sat on James' lap to eat. And eat he did - from his own plate, James' plate, Grandpa's plate and any platter within his arm's reach. earlier in the day we had gone out with James' parents and were sitting down for lunch - hot dogs. I had intended to pacify Caleb with a bit of bun and then feed him when we got home. But Grandpa, sitting across from Caleb, got distracted talking and was holding his hot dog a little too far across the table...
***
I know most parents would think I'm crazy, but I can't wait for him to learn how to talk. Caleb not being able to communicate to me is the most frustrating part of our relationship. He's an extremely strong-willed kid, and knows exactly what he wants. And he always wants it now. The current stage he's in means he justs points and lets this loud yell/growl out until we figure out what it is he's after. And it's not even worth trying to ease his temper with something else. His way or the highway, baby.
***
Caleb walks everywhere now. There was no stopping this kid once he figured it out. Crawling up the stairs also came immediately. Coming down was a little harder to master, but luckily it only took a few days of tumbling down the one stair into the playroom before he decided just to sit and yell at me to lift him down. And after a week of constantly doing that, I decided that he was going to learn how to do it himself. Thankfully, he did, and quickly. His judgment is sometimes a little off, but it's so funny to watch him get to his stomach, turn his feet around and then blindly shimmy around until he finds the stair.
Colinisms
This morning I was treated to a lovely concert. Colin just seemed to have a heart full of song today, and one song after another came pouring out. Starting at breakfast time, lasting through play time, and right into lunch, he sang - sometimes purposefully, sometimes absent-mindedly, but always with the emotion and gusto that are his trademarks.
Included songs: "Stranger in Moscow," "Windy," "The Theme to Star Trek," "Amazing Grace," "How Great Thou Art," "Mom-mom Mom-mom," Brightly Beams Our Fathers Mercy," "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad," "Santa Baby," "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," "Little Drummer Boy," Row, row, row your boat," "The Impossible Dream."
***
Colin's memory is always astounding. Lately I've noticed that he is aware if you skip something in a story book. If two pages stick together, he notices. If you skip a line on a page (even in longer books with 10 or 12 sentences per page), he notices - and corrects you. And many of his books he can "read" on his own, because he has committed the words to memory.
This, of course, is stuff he is exposed to often. But even his long-term memory is great. While playing with a toy plane the other day, I asked him "do you remember when you went on the plane"? Without missing a beat, he said:
"Yes. And Pa was there, and Caleb, but not Daddy. And we bought the new DVD player to take on the plane, and I watched "Finding Nemo," and then "Cars" and then "A Bug's Life." And we ate food and then we went to Vancouver."
Not only are all these details correct, but he hasn't watched those movies in the last six months - and still recalled the exact ones and the exact order we watched them. He recalled my father was there, but not James. Oh, and did I mention that the last time he was on a plane was last February?!
Included songs: "Stranger in Moscow," "Windy," "The Theme to Star Trek," "Amazing Grace," "How Great Thou Art," "Mom-mom Mom-mom," Brightly Beams Our Fathers Mercy," "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad," "Santa Baby," "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," "Little Drummer Boy," Row, row, row your boat," "The Impossible Dream."
***
Colin's memory is always astounding. Lately I've noticed that he is aware if you skip something in a story book. If two pages stick together, he notices. If you skip a line on a page (even in longer books with 10 or 12 sentences per page), he notices - and corrects you. And many of his books he can "read" on his own, because he has committed the words to memory.
This, of course, is stuff he is exposed to often. But even his long-term memory is great. While playing with a toy plane the other day, I asked him "do you remember when you went on the plane"? Without missing a beat, he said:
"Yes. And Pa was there, and Caleb, but not Daddy. And we bought the new DVD player to take on the plane, and I watched "Finding Nemo," and then "Cars" and then "A Bug's Life." And we ate food and then we went to Vancouver."
Not only are all these details correct, but he hasn't watched those movies in the last six months - and still recalled the exact ones and the exact order we watched them. He recalled my father was there, but not James. Oh, and did I mention that the last time he was on a plane was last February?!
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
Sing
I love to sing. Music is a huge part of who I am. I've been playing the piano since I was eight. I learned the clarinet in school. I know how to play (although am not proficient on) the trumpet, saxophone and organ. I've led many choirs. But more than anything I love to sing.
Trouble is, singing is not one of my talents. Oh, I can carry I tune alright. I can even sing in parts. I've sung in choirs (alto) and small groups. At home I can sit for hours at the piano and go through my stacks of books, singing and playing Broadway songs, religious songs, Christmas songs, pop songs, oldies...I've got it all and love it all.
Somewhere inside of me I could probably do a decent solo. Not fantastic, but decent. Unfortunately I can't seem to do it. Literally, I can't do it.
You see, back when I was a fragile teenager, a friend told me that I didn't have a good singing voice. And I believed them. I very quickly faded into the background of a piano accompanist. This was a lot easier with a lot less risk involved. I'm a really good piano player, an excellent sight-reader and a great accompanist. I also coach singers really well, helping them with the performance aspects of singing. But I never sing myself.
When I'm by myself, I belt it out like there's no tomorrow. But as soon as someone else is in the room, my voice literally seizes up. I have a physical reaction that I can't control. In front of close friends, family and even my husband, my voice just won't replicate what I know I'm capable of.
And so I made one of my 101 goals in 1000 days to sing a solo in church. I knew there would be lots of opportunities to sing other than in front of the entire congregation, so I thought that would be a good place to start. Well, this past Sunday, I accomplished this goal.
I currently serve as a teacher in our Women's group, which means that once a month I teach a lesson and lead a discussion on a religious topic for about 30 other women. I have a book that provides the basis for the lesson, but it's up to me to decide the best way to shape that hour. This week's lesson was titled "Hold fast during the storms of life". One of my favourite religious songs is called "Hold On" and conveys the exact message of the lesson. And so I bravely sat behind the piano and accompanied myself as I sang this song.
How did it go? Pretty much as I expected. My voice crackled through it, my nerves gripping at my throat. I know the song cold and I know I can sing it really well on my own. But I got through it. And that was the whole point.
My whole hang-up is purely psychological, but I am truly amazed at how something in your mind can actually physically effect you. At any rate, I did it. And maybe, just maybe, I might do it again. I'm sure that if I can just get a hold of these nerves, I might actually do it well one day.
Trouble is, singing is not one of my talents. Oh, I can carry I tune alright. I can even sing in parts. I've sung in choirs (alto) and small groups. At home I can sit for hours at the piano and go through my stacks of books, singing and playing Broadway songs, religious songs, Christmas songs, pop songs, oldies...I've got it all and love it all.
Somewhere inside of me I could probably do a decent solo. Not fantastic, but decent. Unfortunately I can't seem to do it. Literally, I can't do it.
You see, back when I was a fragile teenager, a friend told me that I didn't have a good singing voice. And I believed them. I very quickly faded into the background of a piano accompanist. This was a lot easier with a lot less risk involved. I'm a really good piano player, an excellent sight-reader and a great accompanist. I also coach singers really well, helping them with the performance aspects of singing. But I never sing myself.
When I'm by myself, I belt it out like there's no tomorrow. But as soon as someone else is in the room, my voice literally seizes up. I have a physical reaction that I can't control. In front of close friends, family and even my husband, my voice just won't replicate what I know I'm capable of.
And so I made one of my 101 goals in 1000 days to sing a solo in church. I knew there would be lots of opportunities to sing other than in front of the entire congregation, so I thought that would be a good place to start. Well, this past Sunday, I accomplished this goal.
I currently serve as a teacher in our Women's group, which means that once a month I teach a lesson and lead a discussion on a religious topic for about 30 other women. I have a book that provides the basis for the lesson, but it's up to me to decide the best way to shape that hour. This week's lesson was titled "Hold fast during the storms of life". One of my favourite religious songs is called "Hold On" and conveys the exact message of the lesson. And so I bravely sat behind the piano and accompanied myself as I sang this song.
How did it go? Pretty much as I expected. My voice crackled through it, my nerves gripping at my throat. I know the song cold and I know I can sing it really well on my own. But I got through it. And that was the whole point.
My whole hang-up is purely psychological, but I am truly amazed at how something in your mind can actually physically effect you. At any rate, I did it. And maybe, just maybe, I might do it again. I'm sure that if I can just get a hold of these nerves, I might actually do it well one day.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
The fence
I bet you thought I forgot about the fence, right? That I finished it long ago and just felt the humble need not to brag.
Nope.
I finally finished it over the weekend. After months and months of work (and some months of no work due to busy children who refuse to play outside), nailing and sawing and measuring and building, it's finally finished! I have my beautiful picket fence.
Down the two sides of our property I built picket by picket the fence you see. I couldn't bear cutting down the trees, shrubs and brush that line the back of our yard, and so I opted to just fill it all in instead. I installed a green temporary fence, while I wait for the bushes I planted to grow.
My little fence. We love it. There are rumours floating around that the Seniors' Centre may try to buy up the last 7 houses on our block as they expand. I don't know if I could bear to sell the house knowing they'd just tear down my beautiful fence! I feel like I just want to live here forever now!
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