Juliette is crawling around everywhere now. Cute, adorable, little girl crawling with her little bum wiggling behind her.
In other news, I just calculated I spend between 6 and 8 hours every day trying to get someone to sleep/nap. That's a full time job. I love my children, but this part is seriously hard! I've survived the last nine days with only 2 hours of sleep a night (between 4am and 6am). Thankfully my body pushes through and I don't feel like I've been run over by a bus, even though I probably should. Juliette is, of course, the majority of that time spent. She will sleep swaddled in a chair, or curled up on my bed (with or without me in it), and in the swing, but not in the crib. Unfortunately since she can crawl and pull herself up we're basically at that crucial time when she has to start sleeping in the crib. She was napping fine in it until she went through a teething bout that gave her a terrible case of post-nasal drip which required her sleeping almost completely upright (so not in the crib.) Now I feel like we're starting from ground zero again.
Sigh. But she's so beautiful and cuddly and loves me to pieces. She's also in that separation anxiety stage and usually will have no one but me. Gotta love that, as a mom, but also sometimes it would be nice to prepare a meal without her crying for me.
Speaking of teething, she's got four teeth now, the two front bottom and the two front top.
She's also got the cutest pixie cut hair. Not that it's ever been cut, it's just grown in that way and is so adorable. I love all things 50's in style right now, and that hair cut goes right along with that.
I'm having so much fun dressing her in all the dresses and leggings I have for her. I have been so blessed to receive all the clothing she needs from my sister and a dear friend. Everything they send along is so cute and stylish and beautiful I want to take a picture of her every morning. Short dresses and bloomers or leggings are my favourite thing to dress her in these days.
I still haven't had any luck with a carrier. I don't mind carrying a baby all day, but my arms are protesting the 20 pounds lately. On the plus side, the definition in my arm muscles are fantastic. Nevertheless I could get a few more things done around the house/outside if she would settle into a sling or a baby carrier.
She still loves to move her wrists. For months now she has loved to move her hand back and forth at the wrist, just watching it go around and around. She also loves to flap both hands when she's excited or anxious or crying. People think it's the cutest thing, and it really is. She just started waving using that same motion at the wrist. And she discovered how to pat her mouth while saying "aaaaaahhhhhh" and getting that intermittent sound. She'll do it to her mouth, youth mouth, or take your hand and get you to do it to her mouth.
Her eyes are a brilliant blue; we get so many compliments on them. All of our kids have blue/green eyes or some shade in between. I hope hers stay the colour they are.
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Monday, 25 March 2013
Discipline
It's been the better part of a week now, and Benjamin's reinstated naps are going amazingly! I hesitate to rejoice so soon, but I have learned so much in this area even in these few days that I wanted to write it all down.
First, having Ben up "late" isn't terrible at all. I rationally explained to the older two that because Benjamin was napping, he was going to go to bed a little later than they. To my surprise, they gave me no troubles on this at all. (If they had, I would have told them that they could stay up late if they were willing to take a nap, which they never would have agreed to.) And even sneaking Benjamin into bed (they all share a room) is fine, as they are dead asleep after that hour has passed.
Second, it hasn't cut into James' and my time at all. We have slipped into a rhythm of my putting Juliette to sleep and then tidying up while James plays with Benjamin. Ben is relishing the one-on-one time with Dad.
Third, Benjamin is infinitely more pleasant to be around. The incessant whining has pretty much disappeared. The crying over small things is completely gone. When the boys get home from school, Benjamin is fresh up from his nap and there is no fighting or teasing on Ben's part. The famed "witching hour" (4pm-5pm) is a pleasant and (dare I say it) almost peaceful time as I get dinner on the table.
Fourth, enabling the nap, rather than forcing it, is starting to work. The trick is not letting it get too late. Ben is yawning, tired, and ready to sleep by 12:30pm, and I've discovered letting it lapse much later than that results in an over-tired child who resists sleep (getting back into that overtired bad behaviour.) The weather is starting to improve, which means we've been able to get outside and get some fresh air to help wear him out. I also let him lie in his bed with a couple of books for the first 15 minutes or so, to wind down in a darkened and quiet atmosphere.
Lastly, the discipline. This is where I've really grown as a parent over the last few days. The article I read on getting your 3 year old who doesn't want to nap to go to sleep is to firmly explain the consequence of not taking a nap, and implement when necessary. The consequence I've told Ben is that Daddy will not play with him after the boys go to bed, if he doesn't nap. Today I had to state and restate this five or six times: "If your feet touch the floor, there will be no playing with dad." I gave up saying "if you get out of bed." The statement "feet touch the floor" was much more specific and clear for Ben.
For me, I find that I usually try and ease the path so that what I want happens, or else I snap when things are completely awry, showing more than a little displeasure at disobedience. Today I felt myself empowered as I stood and firmly asserted my position as parent. Felt like a good step up.
First, having Ben up "late" isn't terrible at all. I rationally explained to the older two that because Benjamin was napping, he was going to go to bed a little later than they. To my surprise, they gave me no troubles on this at all. (If they had, I would have told them that they could stay up late if they were willing to take a nap, which they never would have agreed to.) And even sneaking Benjamin into bed (they all share a room) is fine, as they are dead asleep after that hour has passed.
Second, it hasn't cut into James' and my time at all. We have slipped into a rhythm of my putting Juliette to sleep and then tidying up while James plays with Benjamin. Ben is relishing the one-on-one time with Dad.
Third, Benjamin is infinitely more pleasant to be around. The incessant whining has pretty much disappeared. The crying over small things is completely gone. When the boys get home from school, Benjamin is fresh up from his nap and there is no fighting or teasing on Ben's part. The famed "witching hour" (4pm-5pm) is a pleasant and (dare I say it) almost peaceful time as I get dinner on the table.
Fourth, enabling the nap, rather than forcing it, is starting to work. The trick is not letting it get too late. Ben is yawning, tired, and ready to sleep by 12:30pm, and I've discovered letting it lapse much later than that results in an over-tired child who resists sleep (getting back into that overtired bad behaviour.) The weather is starting to improve, which means we've been able to get outside and get some fresh air to help wear him out. I also let him lie in his bed with a couple of books for the first 15 minutes or so, to wind down in a darkened and quiet atmosphere.
Lastly, the discipline. This is where I've really grown as a parent over the last few days. The article I read on getting your 3 year old who doesn't want to nap to go to sleep is to firmly explain the consequence of not taking a nap, and implement when necessary. The consequence I've told Ben is that Daddy will not play with him after the boys go to bed, if he doesn't nap. Today I had to state and restate this five or six times: "If your feet touch the floor, there will be no playing with dad." I gave up saying "if you get out of bed." The statement "feet touch the floor" was much more specific and clear for Ben.
For me, I find that I usually try and ease the path so that what I want happens, or else I snap when things are completely awry, showing more than a little displeasure at disobedience. Today I felt myself empowered as I stood and firmly asserted my position as parent. Felt like a good step up.
Friday, 22 March 2013
Mother and teacher
I am probably the biggest advocate for homeschooling who is not actually homeschooling :)
I explored the idea with a lot of thought and prayer in recent years, and came to the conclusion that it wasn't in the plan for our family yet. And so I bundled my children off to a fabulous French language school, with the main goal not really education, but learning a second language.
But I think I threw the baby out with the bathwater. You see, one of the most fabulous parts of homeschooling is that you can include so many different things in the "curriculum." Reading, writing, math and science for sure, but also music, art, dance and drama. But even more important: spirituality (religion, scriptures), life skills, morals and character. At public school, they barely get the second category of arts, and get almost nothing in that third, most important category.
I've always regarded it my job to educate my children in those areas, and I do work hard to help create an atmosphere that will teach, mostly by my example, the importance of values, morals, and character. I try to have some sort of chores schedule set up to teach them life skills. But I realized the other day that I can be doing so much more.
You see, my kids (and I) have come to regard any time spent at home as "free time." In other words, being at home means playing whatever they want. If I were to suggest sitting down and learning something specific, the griping and complaining I would get (and possibly outright refusals) would be epic. But here's what I realized: this home is my dominion, and I take my job as mother very seriously. I do not let my kids eat junk food all day, because it is my responsibility to make sure their bodies are healthy. Too often we place importance on the physical aspects of life because they actually are matters of physical life and death. Too often we let the spiritual/moral aspects slide because they aren't matters of physical life and death. But I am realizing they are indeed just as important, and I need to place more emphasis on them.
How will this play out in day to day life here? I have no idea. That's still forming in my mind. I have had some ideas, like saying "now we are going to sit down together and learn some of the songs you're learning in Primary on Sundays." Or "now we are going to sit down and read aloud together." It may also include me sitting down and practicing my own music while they play, or calling everyone together for a service opportunity. While playing Lego is certainly fun for them, and builds their brains, it is not the be all and end all, and I am not a mean mother if I "interrupt" their play time.
(I've got the vision, now I've just got to implement it!)
I explored the idea with a lot of thought and prayer in recent years, and came to the conclusion that it wasn't in the plan for our family yet. And so I bundled my children off to a fabulous French language school, with the main goal not really education, but learning a second language.
But I think I threw the baby out with the bathwater. You see, one of the most fabulous parts of homeschooling is that you can include so many different things in the "curriculum." Reading, writing, math and science for sure, but also music, art, dance and drama. But even more important: spirituality (religion, scriptures), life skills, morals and character. At public school, they barely get the second category of arts, and get almost nothing in that third, most important category.
I've always regarded it my job to educate my children in those areas, and I do work hard to help create an atmosphere that will teach, mostly by my example, the importance of values, morals, and character. I try to have some sort of chores schedule set up to teach them life skills. But I realized the other day that I can be doing so much more.
You see, my kids (and I) have come to regard any time spent at home as "free time." In other words, being at home means playing whatever they want. If I were to suggest sitting down and learning something specific, the griping and complaining I would get (and possibly outright refusals) would be epic. But here's what I realized: this home is my dominion, and I take my job as mother very seriously. I do not let my kids eat junk food all day, because it is my responsibility to make sure their bodies are healthy. Too often we place importance on the physical aspects of life because they actually are matters of physical life and death. Too often we let the spiritual/moral aspects slide because they aren't matters of physical life and death. But I am realizing they are indeed just as important, and I need to place more emphasis on them.
How will this play out in day to day life here? I have no idea. That's still forming in my mind. I have had some ideas, like saying "now we are going to sit down together and learn some of the songs you're learning in Primary on Sundays." Or "now we are going to sit down and read aloud together." It may also include me sitting down and practicing my own music while they play, or calling everyone together for a service opportunity. While playing Lego is certainly fun for them, and builds their brains, it is not the be all and end all, and I am not a mean mother if I "interrupt" their play time.
(I've got the vision, now I've just got to implement it!)
Thursday, 21 March 2013
Eating my words
(Ah, I hate when this happens.)
Just yesterday I posted about how I didn't agree with some of the ideas in this sleep article. The main things I disagreed with was her decision to let her 3 year old (who needed less sleep than usual) go to bed at 10:30pm at night and wake up at 7:30am, so that he could still take a 2 hour afternoon nap. "Not for me," said I, shaking my head. Children should be in bed no later than 8pm, I silently judged.
But her ideas stewed in my mind. And instead of thinking about Juliette, I started thinking about Benjamin. You see, he gave up daily naps just around 3 years old. Very similar to what the author of the article was saying about two of her children. And I started to see that perhaps Benjamin needs less sleep than I was asking of him.
Right now, Benjamin is usually in bed for 7:30pm and wakes up about 6:30am. 11 hours is what he needs in a 24 hour period. The times when he crashes, falling asleep in the middle of the day, he is often awake until 9:30pm, because he used up two hours already. So I cut his naps out. The result hasn't been pretty, but until now I hadn't associated it with naps. After about 2pm, he whines incessantly with me, bothers his brothers non-stop, and is rude and ill-tempered all around.
I realized that while Benjamin needs only 11 hour of sleep, he can't handle being awake for 13 hours straight. He needs that two hour recharge in the middle of the day. So I am readjusting his schedule. He will now go to sleep at 9:30pm, wake at 6:30am, and nap after lunch for two hours.
And here's the real gem of the article - enable your kids to nap, don't force them. Benjamin will not be forced to do anything right now. But if I pack his mornings with physical activity (preschool and swimming lessons, and the park when it gets nice) and combine that with less sleep at night, he will hopefully fall into bed and then wake up much more pleasant.
(And hey - I'll gladly eat any words that make our home a little happier.)
Just yesterday I posted about how I didn't agree with some of the ideas in this sleep article. The main things I disagreed with was her decision to let her 3 year old (who needed less sleep than usual) go to bed at 10:30pm at night and wake up at 7:30am, so that he could still take a 2 hour afternoon nap. "Not for me," said I, shaking my head. Children should be in bed no later than 8pm, I silently judged.
But her ideas stewed in my mind. And instead of thinking about Juliette, I started thinking about Benjamin. You see, he gave up daily naps just around 3 years old. Very similar to what the author of the article was saying about two of her children. And I started to see that perhaps Benjamin needs less sleep than I was asking of him.
Right now, Benjamin is usually in bed for 7:30pm and wakes up about 6:30am. 11 hours is what he needs in a 24 hour period. The times when he crashes, falling asleep in the middle of the day, he is often awake until 9:30pm, because he used up two hours already. So I cut his naps out. The result hasn't been pretty, but until now I hadn't associated it with naps. After about 2pm, he whines incessantly with me, bothers his brothers non-stop, and is rude and ill-tempered all around.
I realized that while Benjamin needs only 11 hour of sleep, he can't handle being awake for 13 hours straight. He needs that two hour recharge in the middle of the day. So I am readjusting his schedule. He will now go to sleep at 9:30pm, wake at 6:30am, and nap after lunch for two hours.
And here's the real gem of the article - enable your kids to nap, don't force them. Benjamin will not be forced to do anything right now. But if I pack his mornings with physical activity (preschool and swimming lessons, and the park when it gets nice) and combine that with less sleep at night, he will hopefully fall into bed and then wake up much more pleasant.
(And hey - I'll gladly eat any words that make our home a little happier.)
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
Taking the "easy" way out
I overheard a question asked of a friend the other day. Later on when we were alone, I asked what her answer was. The question was in regards to weaning a nursing toddler, and I wondered what my friend, a La Leche League leader and nursing aficionado would advise. Of most concern was the constant nursing at night. My friend and I talked a bit about how night nursing habits usually start/go one because it's simply easier than fighting to get a baby to sleep and then trying to function while you're utterly exhausted. I am the first to admit guilt in this area; Juliette still sleeps with me at night so she can nurse and go back to sleep every time she wakes (still every 2-3 hours.)
She's my fourth, and I just decided that I would rather be rested and functional, unlike the other three. But there are things that I acknowledge I give up: sleeping alone in a bed with my husband, time to myself in the evenings, a lot of time during the day and night that I spend trying to get Juliette to sleep without me, and bed space (we only have a double bed, which is pretty small for 3!)
Today I read a fantastic article about sleep, and the ideas were so different from most of the "sleep solution" books I have devoured over the years. This was simply from the point of view of a mother who is raising 9 children. To me, that is an expert. I didn't agree with all her points of view, but what I liked was that she had a clear goal (2 hour alone time every afternoon) and had created her sleep solutions to achieve that goal. Now that is intentional parenting!
It made me look inward and examine what "easy way outs" I might be taking right now that I don't want to be taking. I'm not saying easy is always bad, but I do think it's not good when it's not done with purpose, with an end in mind, or it is just used as a band-aid solution that is going to make for worse problems down the road.
She's my fourth, and I just decided that I would rather be rested and functional, unlike the other three. But there are things that I acknowledge I give up: sleeping alone in a bed with my husband, time to myself in the evenings, a lot of time during the day and night that I spend trying to get Juliette to sleep without me, and bed space (we only have a double bed, which is pretty small for 3!)
Today I read a fantastic article about sleep, and the ideas were so different from most of the "sleep solution" books I have devoured over the years. This was simply from the point of view of a mother who is raising 9 children. To me, that is an expert. I didn't agree with all her points of view, but what I liked was that she had a clear goal (2 hour alone time every afternoon) and had created her sleep solutions to achieve that goal. Now that is intentional parenting!
It made me look inward and examine what "easy way outs" I might be taking right now that I don't want to be taking. I'm not saying easy is always bad, but I do think it's not good when it's not done with purpose, with an end in mind, or it is just used as a band-aid solution that is going to make for worse problems down the road.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
A lifetime to learn
Last night I opened my study book and read:
"My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." (James 1:19)
I paused at that first sentence. Wow, I thought. There is so much in that one verse. I think I could literally work a lifetime just at trying to work that into my heart and put it into practice. Be quick to hear. Be slow to speak. Be slow to anger. Yes, never mind the thousands of other verses, commands, directions. How on earth can I get to everything else when each verse contains so much?
I read on, convicted about how I tend to wait for a break in the conversation just to jump in with my pre-prepared thoughts. I thought about how easily I lose patience with a three-year-old. I thought how I so badly want to prove my point or get my point across that I don't really listen to what the other person is saying.
I came to the end of the lesson, and because I was a little behind, went right into the next one. And those two lessons were meant to come back to back for me. That second lesson tied up with a bow my first reaction to that first verse. I could try and craft my own version of what was happening in my mind and heart, but instead I'll just record some of the sentences by Beth Moore that pierced me right to the core:
"Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves." (James 1:25)
"What James will teach us is the difference between talking about living in victory over things like self-centeredness, addiction, seduction, and temptation and actually doing it."
"Do you actually do what the Scriptures say?...The doing causes the changing. Not the hearing."
"We can underline our Bibles till our pens run dry without a drop of ink splattering our lives. The self-deception slithers in when we mistake appreciation for application or being touched with being CHANGED."
"The hearing itself can be satisfying...The Word of God, however, is meant to do more than penetrate. It's meant to activate....Simply put, the Word was meant to work. And, through it, we were meant to bear fruit."
"Do you see the concept? It's not until the hearing turns into doing that believing leads to blessing. Out "doing" may not always show up in physical activity. The initial act of obedience might be waiting upon the Lord or setting our minds zealously upon His faithfulness."
"Prioritize the moral code over the ritual code."
"He is not interested in behaviour alone. He is interested in motive."
"My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." (James 1:19)
I paused at that first sentence. Wow, I thought. There is so much in that one verse. I think I could literally work a lifetime just at trying to work that into my heart and put it into practice. Be quick to hear. Be slow to speak. Be slow to anger. Yes, never mind the thousands of other verses, commands, directions. How on earth can I get to everything else when each verse contains so much?
I read on, convicted about how I tend to wait for a break in the conversation just to jump in with my pre-prepared thoughts. I thought about how easily I lose patience with a three-year-old. I thought how I so badly want to prove my point or get my point across that I don't really listen to what the other person is saying.
I came to the end of the lesson, and because I was a little behind, went right into the next one. And those two lessons were meant to come back to back for me. That second lesson tied up with a bow my first reaction to that first verse. I could try and craft my own version of what was happening in my mind and heart, but instead I'll just record some of the sentences by Beth Moore that pierced me right to the core:
"Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves." (James 1:25)
"What James will teach us is the difference between talking about living in victory over things like self-centeredness, addiction, seduction, and temptation and actually doing it."
"Do you actually do what the Scriptures say?...The doing causes the changing. Not the hearing."
"We can underline our Bibles till our pens run dry without a drop of ink splattering our lives. The self-deception slithers in when we mistake appreciation for application or being touched with being CHANGED."
"The hearing itself can be satisfying...The Word of God, however, is meant to do more than penetrate. It's meant to activate....Simply put, the Word was meant to work. And, through it, we were meant to bear fruit."
"Do you see the concept? It's not until the hearing turns into doing that believing leads to blessing. Out "doing" may not always show up in physical activity. The initial act of obedience might be waiting upon the Lord or setting our minds zealously upon His faithfulness."
"Prioritize the moral code over the ritual code."
"He is not interested in behaviour alone. He is interested in motive."
Monday, 18 March 2013
Blessed
Today I was mulling over the word "blessed." We use it so often, in reference to the wonderful things in our lives: "I am blessed to have an amazing family, healthy happy kids, a loving husband, a warm house, an abundance of wants." But today I was reading in the bible about being blessed as a result of obedience, and the concept started to take on a different meaning. To be blessed, is to be "highly favoured or fortunate" or to be "consecrated (dedicated to God, made holy.)
So do we really mean "blessed" or do we mean thankful in those first examples? Do I feel blessed with motherhood, or grateful? Can these daily messes I find myself in qualify as holy? I have learned that in fact it is the very messy, or despairing nature of a situation that leads directly to blessedness.
Consider the Beatitudes, the wise Sermon on the Mount in which Jesus proclaimed a state of blessedness on certain groups of people. When you look at the "requirement" for blessing, you find:
- the poor in spirit
- those who mourn
- those who are meek
- those who hunger
- those who are persecuted
- those who are reviled
In my own words, I add to this "those mothers who are worn out, short of patience, tired, weary, burdened" and any other adjective that weighs us down from the daily demands of motherhood. Yes, motherhood is the most rewarding thing I've ever done, but no one could deny it is also the most sacrificial. And so it would seem perfectly in line with the Beatitudes, that those who are mothers are also blessed.
Today, I am blessed.
Today I helped my three year old toilet train, which had both successes and (complete, utter, messy) failures.
Today I held my teething, miserable baby as she wept and writhed in pain, her only comfort found when we lie together in my bed, curled into each other.
Today I smiled through the rising cadences of boy-noise.
And yet today I feel more blessed.
So do we really mean "blessed" or do we mean thankful in those first examples? Do I feel blessed with motherhood, or grateful? Can these daily messes I find myself in qualify as holy? I have learned that in fact it is the very messy, or despairing nature of a situation that leads directly to blessedness.
Consider the Beatitudes, the wise Sermon on the Mount in which Jesus proclaimed a state of blessedness on certain groups of people. When you look at the "requirement" for blessing, you find:
- the poor in spirit
- those who mourn
- those who are meek
- those who hunger
- those who are persecuted
- those who are reviled
In my own words, I add to this "those mothers who are worn out, short of patience, tired, weary, burdened" and any other adjective that weighs us down from the daily demands of motherhood. Yes, motherhood is the most rewarding thing I've ever done, but no one could deny it is also the most sacrificial. And so it would seem perfectly in line with the Beatitudes, that those who are mothers are also blessed.
Today, I am blessed.
Today I helped my three year old toilet train, which had both successes and (complete, utter, messy) failures.
Today I held my teething, miserable baby as she wept and writhed in pain, her only comfort found when we lie together in my bed, curled into each other.
Today I smiled through the rising cadences of boy-noise.
And yet today I feel more blessed.
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