Tomorrow, I go back to work. I've had two weeks off since having Caleb - two weeks of going by my own (and Caleb's) schedule, and not really needing to worry about much else. Yes, I've cooked some meals and put my hand to a bit of cleaning, but mostly I've been attending to myself and Caleb. Tomorrow, I go back to work.
I don't have to leave to go to work - I work in the home. For those of you moms who stayed home to raise your kids, you know how tough the job is. No more sleeping late if Caleb sleeps late. No more doe-eyes at James to get him to do the chore I can't find the energy to do. No more handling only one child. Tomorrow I go back to work.
I'm admittedly worried about how to handle a two year old and a newborn baby. Colin is very high maintenance right now and still hasn't completely settled into the idea that my attention will be permanently divided from now on. Caleb is still feeding almost every hour during the day. I don't think I want to admit online how long it's been since I dragged out the vacuum. At least I can say that the grocery shopping gets done each week and I've managed to get three meals a day on the table. (That might have something to do with the fact that neither James nor Colin would like it very much if they didn't get their meals!) I'm also worried about how I'm going to manage to get a shower each day (something we haven't been able to work out yet, even with two of us on childcare!) But somehow I'll have to work it all out, because tomorrow I go back to work.
I feel like it's September. Not because of the weather (it's been snowing outside for the last five hours!), but because it feels like the first day of school again. January 1st never meant much to me, in terms of New Year's Resolutions, because it was always in the middle of the "year" (school year, that is.) September was always when I examined myself and my life and made personal goals. And tonight I have that feeling again.
I want to experiment more with our meals. I've fallen into a pattern of about 10-14 meals that we continually recycle. I'm not a world-class chef, but if the meal is quick to bake and the recipe has a manageable list of ingredients, I like to change things up with new ideas. I want to make more homemade soups and home baked bread. I want to try new recipes. It's time for a new cookbook!
I want to have a personal study every day of the scriptures. I have the terrible habit of a wandering mind and too often I find I've read entire pages and can't remember what it said. I also have the terrible habit of doing great on day one, so-so on day two, and completely missing day three. I don't think I've ever gotten to day four. They say if you do something every day for three weeks it will become a daily habit. They also say that unless your heart is really in it for the right reason, it will never stick. Somehow I have to find out how to tap into the love of studying I know I have and bring it out again.
I want to keep current with our family photos and scrapbooks. I'm fairly good at the photos part - the scrapbooking, not so much. I have baskets and bags and piles of things I want to put into scrapbooks, but I'm afraid to start. I'm afraid that I'll glue things into the pages and then realize I've missed something I wanted to include, or things went in the wrong order...there seem to be so many ways to mess things up, it's easier not to start!
I want to start having friends over for lunches or dinners. James and I tend to be homebodies, which is perfectly fine, but we also do love chatting with and entertaining small groups. And now that we have made so many friends that live so close to us, I'd like to try to have an evening of entertainment once a month.
I want to read more non-fiction books. Some histories, some spiritual, some biographies. The few non-ficiton books I've dappled in I have absolutely loved (like "Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology") and I know there are some amazing and inspiring books out there. I just have to figure out how to find them!
Well, those are some goals that I've been mulling about in my mind. There are many more swimming around up there, but too many goals gets me flustered and discouraged. I hope these don't disappear after a few days or weeks. But if they do, I know I won't have just wasted the time. I think we all naturally grow and move forward, just not always in the direction we had planned. Maybe in a couple of months I'll remember this entry and take the time to review those months. Perhaps I'll have implemented some of the above, perhaps I'll be wandering down a different path. Either way, it will be good to take the time to look back and see where and how far I've gone.