Autumn

Autumn has arrived.  I have lovely honey-pear scent filling the house, our closets are filled with sweaters, and the furnace is taking the edge off of the 3C overnight chill.  I love it!

The happy camping days are done, the older two kids are off to school, with number three to follow next week.  There are a few projects left unfinished that I hopefully will get to soon.

September is forever the time for new beginnings for me.  I like to pause, reflect, ponder.  I make lists and goals and charts.  I refocus and rededicate.  I shift and make off in new directions.

Right now I'm feeling some turmoil.  I recently wrote about writing off gardening, and when a friend mentioned canning, I realized that I lump gardening and canning into the same category.  They are two things I've always felt I should do, things that my friends around me do, things that women I admire do.  And yet I find no pleasure in either the act or the results.  Gardens are neglected while my busy days are full of caring for my children.  Canning is left on the bottom of the to-do list and I just never seem to get there.  My pot and jars, as yet unused, have been gathering dust for years.

Yes, I enjoy snacking on fresh cherry tomatoes.  Yes, I like canned pears and salsa.  But, for me, the fresh local tomatoes and store-bought frozen fruit are just as enjoyable.

I am going to stop seeing this area of my life as a failure, something I need to work harder on, something to which I should aspire.  I need to realize that while I am drawn to women who might grow and preserve their own foods, it is not this exact thing which I admire in them.  Rather, it is their dedication to their homes, their husbands, their children.  It is a way that they have found to express their love, to use their hands to serve.  They are making their homes a haven from the outside world, they are stretching themselves to provide healthy meals for their loved ones' bodies.

I am going to believe (not just tell myself) that I am not failing because I haven't yet found a way to work this into my days, or develop a love for it.  While I still want to challenge myself and engage in hard work and try things that I have not previously been successful at, it's okay to let go of this one.  It will make room for something new.