This was written in Colin's school agenda on Tuesday, by his male supply teacher:
"Colin is a serious boy and a hard worker. He was the most well-behaved in the class today. I congratulate him, and thank you for him."
That's the kind of parenting boost you need now and then.
Friday, 28 June 2013
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Overwhelmed
I am overwhelmed right now with thoughts on bullying. I devoured our latest book club book, called "Please Stop Laughing at Me" in two days. Then I watched a documentary on Netflix called "Bully." So many of the following thoughts deserve entries all on their own, but I'm afraid if I wait until time to address each one properly I'll be so far removed from these initial impressions I won't do them justice.
First of all, I do not believe that pulling a child from a bullying situation is "running away" or "letting the bully win." It is not preparing them for the real world. It is leaving them in a dangerous situation. They are children. There are adults who cannot handle that kind of abuse so why should we expect our children to live with it day in and day out? You can bet that I would yank my children in a heartbeat from any situation (bus, school, church, etc) in which they were being mercilessly bullied. Some might argue that we need to stand up as an example and show others we are not afraid, but the tiger-mother in me would say "not on my child's life."
Second, the bullying culture among pre-teens and teens is not representative of real life. As adults, we know that we can remove ourselves from an unhealthy situation. We are not told we must spend our days in a place where people are abusive. I surround myself with friends with whom I have healthy relationships.
Third, while bullying is much less prevalent in adulthood, it is not entirely absent. I have been witness over the last year to an adult abusive situation that turned into group bullying, and it has taken me reading this book and watching this documentary to realize that I am playing a part in this horrible tragedy in my role as bystander. I have been trying to "stay neutral" because I did not want to play the part of judge. I have extended love, help and friendship, but I have realized that is not enough. I must stand up and speak out, as an adult who has loving support around me, and stop this terrible behaviour perpetuated by other adults. The saddest part in the situation I find myself in is that there are children and teens also involved, and they are being shown this bullying behaviour. I hope they have not learned to model it, yet. I am re-reading Barbara Coloroso's book "The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander" to help give me a clear voice with which to speak. I want to approach the situation with a calm manner, and stand up for the victimized without judging the perpetrators and without coming across as "holier than thou." I do not feel hate or anger toward those who are bullying; surprisingly I feel an outpouring of love and hope that their behaviour can be amended.
Because, in the end, I can't imagine anyone can have peace in their heart and a happy outlook if they are part of a situation involving bullying. I have found, through the years, that any contact with negative emotions and situations permeates your life. In order to find peace and joy we must live peaceably with each other.
First of all, I do not believe that pulling a child from a bullying situation is "running away" or "letting the bully win." It is not preparing them for the real world. It is leaving them in a dangerous situation. They are children. There are adults who cannot handle that kind of abuse so why should we expect our children to live with it day in and day out? You can bet that I would yank my children in a heartbeat from any situation (bus, school, church, etc) in which they were being mercilessly bullied. Some might argue that we need to stand up as an example and show others we are not afraid, but the tiger-mother in me would say "not on my child's life."
Second, the bullying culture among pre-teens and teens is not representative of real life. As adults, we know that we can remove ourselves from an unhealthy situation. We are not told we must spend our days in a place where people are abusive. I surround myself with friends with whom I have healthy relationships.
Third, while bullying is much less prevalent in adulthood, it is not entirely absent. I have been witness over the last year to an adult abusive situation that turned into group bullying, and it has taken me reading this book and watching this documentary to realize that I am playing a part in this horrible tragedy in my role as bystander. I have been trying to "stay neutral" because I did not want to play the part of judge. I have extended love, help and friendship, but I have realized that is not enough. I must stand up and speak out, as an adult who has loving support around me, and stop this terrible behaviour perpetuated by other adults. The saddest part in the situation I find myself in is that there are children and teens also involved, and they are being shown this bullying behaviour. I hope they have not learned to model it, yet. I am re-reading Barbara Coloroso's book "The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander" to help give me a clear voice with which to speak. I want to approach the situation with a calm manner, and stand up for the victimized without judging the perpetrators and without coming across as "holier than thou." I do not feel hate or anger toward those who are bullying; surprisingly I feel an outpouring of love and hope that their behaviour can be amended.
Because, in the end, I can't imagine anyone can have peace in their heart and a happy outlook if they are part of a situation involving bullying. I have found, through the years, that any contact with negative emotions and situations permeates your life. In order to find peace and joy we must live peaceably with each other.
Monday, 24 June 2013
Sleep
It was a wise God for sure that made day and night in the first period of creation. I can't be sure, but it's possible that when he did, he had young mothers in mind.
I heard this truth last night: a parent has much more patience with their child when they are curled up sleeping in their beds. That struck me deeply. My days with the children are hard. I have four high energy and highly emotional kids. I laughed to myself when I read about a mother yesterday who has carved out time to grind wheat and make her own bread every day; right now my days are literally eaten up by just the very basics. My children are taking up 100% of my energy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
With so little sleep and such high demand, breaking points come easy. Patience wanes, tempers flare, exasperation leaks out. If this is a place to be honest, then there are points in the day when my frustration just boils over.
But at night time, all the trials of the day are washed away. Watching those little eyes fluttering lightly, the bodies lying across the sheets, and hair matted on their faces, my heart melts. I want to grab them up into big bear hugs. Frustration is replaced by adoring love and all the days troubles fade away into nothing.
Morning comes and brings a new day, a fresh start. Even if I've been up all night with a baby, there is something about the rising of the sun that brings the promise of peace. Those darling three year old eyes peeking through our bedroom door, or the heavy five year old footsteps clunking to the bathroom, or the lithe seven year old body stretching in bed, or the soft one year old cooing: each brings a smile to my face.
I know the day will not be perfect. I know I will be at my wit's end at some point in the next 14 hours. But I also know that at the end I will be once again blessed with the coming of the evening, the cycle from day to night and day again, and all their trying behaviour will once again be forgiven and forgotten.
I heard this truth last night: a parent has much more patience with their child when they are curled up sleeping in their beds. That struck me deeply. My days with the children are hard. I have four high energy and highly emotional kids. I laughed to myself when I read about a mother yesterday who has carved out time to grind wheat and make her own bread every day; right now my days are literally eaten up by just the very basics. My children are taking up 100% of my energy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
With so little sleep and such high demand, breaking points come easy. Patience wanes, tempers flare, exasperation leaks out. If this is a place to be honest, then there are points in the day when my frustration just boils over.
But at night time, all the trials of the day are washed away. Watching those little eyes fluttering lightly, the bodies lying across the sheets, and hair matted on their faces, my heart melts. I want to grab them up into big bear hugs. Frustration is replaced by adoring love and all the days troubles fade away into nothing.
Morning comes and brings a new day, a fresh start. Even if I've been up all night with a baby, there is something about the rising of the sun that brings the promise of peace. Those darling three year old eyes peeking through our bedroom door, or the heavy five year old footsteps clunking to the bathroom, or the lithe seven year old body stretching in bed, or the soft one year old cooing: each brings a smile to my face.
I know the day will not be perfect. I know I will be at my wit's end at some point in the next 14 hours. But I also know that at the end I will be once again blessed with the coming of the evening, the cycle from day to night and day again, and all their trying behaviour will once again be forgiven and forgotten.
Friday, 21 June 2013
Beautiful summer days
Today is a day like I imagine our summer days will be.
The sun is shining and a light breeze is in the air. It's hot in the sun and cool in the shade. A lovely play in the morning, a little music with a friend at lunch, a lazy nap, a little writing, and backyard fun and barbecue with some friends of the boys later in the afternoon.
I picked up two workbook for Colin and Caleb, French books that are called "Heading into Third (First) Grade." they are designed to help combat the lag in learning that happens over the summer months. I've told the boys they will each do 3 pages during afternoon nap. I envision this happening out on the back deck, and then some puzzle fun, or cards, or board games.
A local art shop offers one-off art classes for $25 a session, including materials. I'm going to sign Colin up for a couple of them. I want him to get some exposure to other artists, other children creating art, and some new materials also.
July is shaping up quite busily, which is good. I like to be busy at first and then roll into a more lazy, spur of the moment feel for August. We have Canada Day up in my Grandmother's town (small town games, three-legged races, face painting, a parade, and fireworks if they can stay awake.) Then we have a few days of nothing before we literally go from one event to the next: Father's Day Blue Jays game, a week of Vacation Bible School (morning play group activities at a local church), a weekend at an outdoor Pageant in New York and a day at the Museum of Play in Rochester, a week at a cottage with family, Colin's Friday Night Lights Baseball game (at a real big diamond under the bright lights!), then the weekend in St. Thomas seeing the Thomas the Train event.
August will hold the mom and kids camp right in the middle, and I'm also trying to arrange a camping trip with some of our friends and their families.
The rest of the days will hopefully be busy in the morning with trips out, play dates, and parks, and the afternoons quieter with school work, reading aloud, board games, and Lego.
Here we go!
The sun is shining and a light breeze is in the air. It's hot in the sun and cool in the shade. A lovely play in the morning, a little music with a friend at lunch, a lazy nap, a little writing, and backyard fun and barbecue with some friends of the boys later in the afternoon.
I picked up two workbook for Colin and Caleb, French books that are called "Heading into Third (First) Grade." they are designed to help combat the lag in learning that happens over the summer months. I've told the boys they will each do 3 pages during afternoon nap. I envision this happening out on the back deck, and then some puzzle fun, or cards, or board games.
A local art shop offers one-off art classes for $25 a session, including materials. I'm going to sign Colin up for a couple of them. I want him to get some exposure to other artists, other children creating art, and some new materials also.
July is shaping up quite busily, which is good. I like to be busy at first and then roll into a more lazy, spur of the moment feel for August. We have Canada Day up in my Grandmother's town (small town games, three-legged races, face painting, a parade, and fireworks if they can stay awake.) Then we have a few days of nothing before we literally go from one event to the next: Father's Day Blue Jays game, a week of Vacation Bible School (morning play group activities at a local church), a weekend at an outdoor Pageant in New York and a day at the Museum of Play in Rochester, a week at a cottage with family, Colin's Friday Night Lights Baseball game (at a real big diamond under the bright lights!), then the weekend in St. Thomas seeing the Thomas the Train event.
August will hold the mom and kids camp right in the middle, and I'm also trying to arrange a camping trip with some of our friends and their families.
The rest of the days will hopefully be busy in the morning with trips out, play dates, and parks, and the afternoons quieter with school work, reading aloud, board games, and Lego.
Here we go!
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Food
This afternoon I am sitting down with my lovely "Food is Medicine" book that I LOVE. I've been reading it off and on for ten years, since we received it as a wedding gift. I have yet to really implement much yet, because it's really a philosophy that you need to understand really well to put into practice, otherwise it it just a bunch of expensive recipes and foods that don't integrate into your daily diet well. But I think once this information is second nature to me we will really start to see some benefits. (And I'm hoping to really get it going come September when I have a little more time to spend in the kitchen.)
Full disclosure: I'm reading this lovely book with a tray of brownies by my side and a bottle of pop on the table :) Hey, they were leftovers from the party and I don't like anything to go to waste :)
Full disclosure: I'm reading this lovely book with a tray of brownies by my side and a bottle of pop on the table :) Hey, they were leftovers from the party and I don't like anything to go to waste :)
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
Happy birthday Juliette
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| Newborn |
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| One month |
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| Two months |
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| Three months |
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| Four months |
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| Five months |
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| Six months |
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| Seven months |
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| Eight months |
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| Nine months |
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| Ten months |
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| Eleven months |
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| One year |
One year. How it has flown by. Juliette, you have stolen my heart. There is no doubt a special bond between mother and daughter, a bond forged by childhood memories to recreate and future lessons to share. In you, I will relive the imaginative days of my own youth, and with you I will share the secrets of womanhood I have learned.
Your bright blue eyes capture everyone who gazes on them. Your smile is so darling, one that you freely give away. You babble in so many sounds that we strain to listen, sure that it must be a full language, meaningful sentences and thoughts. You are so close to walking and yet seem to be holding out to give me one last sense that you are still my baby.
You are a force, no doubt. Your personality is big and strong and you make yourself known. While your appearance is delicate, your temperament is bold. Your attachment to me is strong. Some have noted that it is unhealthy, but I strongly disagree; it is simply a matter of confidence in your mother's fierce love for you.
You have music in you. From hearing a musical toy sing the french alphabet a hundred times a day, you have adopted a cute way of singing that is the start of that song: "A, B"over and over again, while wriggling your upper torso in a dancing motion. You love to sit and hear me play the guitar and sing away, and love even more the second guitar we have that you can pluck away along with me. I love to sit and strum and sing, while you sing your "A, B" with me.
You love your vegetables. We have yet to pin down your exact food sensitivity, so you can't have anything with grains it, which is tough on you because you want what everyone else has. But you love pureed sweet potato more than anything, with frozen peas coming a close second. Chicken is also right up there. Fruits you eat under protest, and usually only a couple of spoonfuls.
You are a beautiful light to our family. You have taught your brothers compassion and your parents how to manage four children all at once. We can't imagine our family without you, and we can't wait to watch you grow day by day (but not too fast!)
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Just one
Today James and his dad took the three boys to Canada's Wonderland. They aren't home yet, but all reports so far have been outstanding. Other than when, halfway through the day, a ride operator insisted on re-measuring Caleb and measured him 1/2" shorter than when he was measured at the gate. Then he demoted his bracelet, which meant there were a bunch of rides he could no longer go on, that he had been riding all morning. TERRIBLE! I wouldn't have minded had they measured him that in the first place, but to take away rides from a kid? Caleb had a meltdown for about an hour. I probably would have, too. Have some consistency, Wonderland. Rant over.
With all three boys gone today, it was just me and Juliette. A little glimpse of what September will hold. You wouldn't believe all we did today. I drove down into Brampton to shop for her birthday party supplies. I painted the front steps. We went on a 2 hour walk, and a 30 minute bike ride. Juliette rode in her bike carrier seat on the back of my bike for the first time. We did a mini photo shoot. We played the guitar and sang songs. We cleaned up the house. We had lunch and dinner together.
You know what I realized? How incredibly draining Benjamin can be. I wrote a couple of days ago about having a non-compliant child, and some methods I'm trying to use in dealing with him. But I didn't realize just how much of my time and attention (like, all my time and attention) he demands every day until he wasn't there to demand it.
Benjamin requires 100% of your attention. Half of the time its because he's asking for something or needing something, and the other half of the time its because he's going to do something that will harm himself or someone else. You literally cannot drop your guard for a second with him. And trying to get him to do anything requires either a genius level kind of mental coercion, or a really great trick, or good old coaxing and bribery. Simple tasks like getting dressed, eating dinner, or going to the bus stop are great sources of stress because it's never a matter of just asking.
To sum it up, for one entire year now, Benjamin has demanded every moment of my day, and Juliette has demanded every moment of my nights (she still wakes every 2 hours.) Well no wonder I'm zapped! At any rate, while I'm sure I'll miss his cheery smile, infectious laugh, and my sports/outdoorsy companion, school in the fall will provide the first break I've had since Colin was a year old. It will be a treat to spend some one on one time with my little girl.
With all three boys gone today, it was just me and Juliette. A little glimpse of what September will hold. You wouldn't believe all we did today. I drove down into Brampton to shop for her birthday party supplies. I painted the front steps. We went on a 2 hour walk, and a 30 minute bike ride. Juliette rode in her bike carrier seat on the back of my bike for the first time. We did a mini photo shoot. We played the guitar and sang songs. We cleaned up the house. We had lunch and dinner together.
You know what I realized? How incredibly draining Benjamin can be. I wrote a couple of days ago about having a non-compliant child, and some methods I'm trying to use in dealing with him. But I didn't realize just how much of my time and attention (like, all my time and attention) he demands every day until he wasn't there to demand it.
Benjamin requires 100% of your attention. Half of the time its because he's asking for something or needing something, and the other half of the time its because he's going to do something that will harm himself or someone else. You literally cannot drop your guard for a second with him. And trying to get him to do anything requires either a genius level kind of mental coercion, or a really great trick, or good old coaxing and bribery. Simple tasks like getting dressed, eating dinner, or going to the bus stop are great sources of stress because it's never a matter of just asking.
To sum it up, for one entire year now, Benjamin has demanded every moment of my day, and Juliette has demanded every moment of my nights (she still wakes every 2 hours.) Well no wonder I'm zapped! At any rate, while I'm sure I'll miss his cheery smile, infectious laugh, and my sports/outdoorsy companion, school in the fall will provide the first break I've had since Colin was a year old. It will be a treat to spend some one on one time with my little girl.
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