Personality

Have you ever taken one of those "personality" tests? They come in all varieties; some are assign you a colour, some an animal, some combination of letters. Over the years, I've taken a few different ones, some in school, some at church activities, some with friends, and even one of the leading psychiatric versions.

I am always consistent in my results - an exact, even split of everything. I am a schedule-driven free spirit. I rely equally on scientific fact and emotional feelings to make decisions. I am an extroverted introvert. I am a mathematical poet. I thrive on crowds but need to be alone. I am a quiet performer. Basically I am a study of contradictions.

Most often this mish-mash of personalities has worked for my benefit. I find myself at ease in almost any situation. I did well in all areas of schooling. I am usually the peacemaker because I understand nearly every other type of personality.

Sometimes, however, the result is a crushing wave of confusion. My goals, wants, and desires can be so far-reaching and conflicting. I find myself unsatisfied, while living out one facet of my personality and, in so doing, completely neglecting another side of me. I can devote vast amounts of time to achieving a long yearned for goal and feel unfulfilled. Most of all, it makes me tired.

But that's me, I guess. Those giving the various personality tests always marveled at my unusual results. Sometimes I chalk it up to two parents who are diametrically opposite in nearly everything; I must be a complete and perfect meld of the two. But mostly I guess that's just who I am. Nature and nurture, it's who I am. I guess my challenge in life will always centre around reconciling the ocean of opposition within.