Sunday, 22 August 2010

Winning at the Telemarketer game

At least once a month, I have a phone conversation that goes like this:

"Hello ma'am. As a loyal Bell phone customer, we would like to offer you a deal on your other technological needs. Tell me, who do you have your TV services with?"
"We don't have TV."
"You mean you don't have TV with Bell."
"No, we don't have TV."
"Don't you watch TV?"
"No, we don't. We don't have TV."
(This is sort of a white lie. We have a TV set, but we don't have television programming. We only watch movies on the TV, but that's often too much information for a telemarketer to understand.)
"Oh. You don't have TV."

(Here there is usually a pause, while I imagine the person on the other end of the line flipping through their script for the answer to "we don't have TV." Silent chuckle on my end.)

"I notice ma'am that you don't have your cell phone with Bell. We would like to offer instead a deal on your cell phone."
"I don't use a cell phone."
"You don't use a cell phone?"
"No. I have one for emergencies only, and I use it less than once a year."
"Oh. You don't use a cell phone."

(Flip flip flip.)

"I notice you don't have your internet with us. Bell offers the best service-"
"Our home business uses an email in connection with our current provider, so we can't switch."
"Oh."

(Flip flip flip flip flip.)

"Well, Bell just wants to thank you ma'am for your loyalty to our company. Have a good day."

That's right. I never have to be rude or hang up on a media telemarketer. They eventually realize that there is absolutely nothing they can offer me, and, without fail, are always the ones to end the call. The call lasts less than two minutes, and I actually take a strange sort of pleasure in it. Odd, I know. But kind of fun.

1 comment:

Jules said...

Omg that was awesome. I am showing this to my mom, she'll get a kick out of it. She really hates telemarketers and likes hearing new stories of how other people thwart them. She's currently sticking with Seinfeld's "Now's not a great time, how about you give me your number and I'll call you during dinner."