Me Update - learning lessons

I didn't feel so great about writing my entry yesterday. When it comes to this illness, I feel like there's just nothing good to write, and all I'm doing is complaining. But I do want to document everything, because it might be useful one day. I've actually looked back at my previous entries during pregnancy to gage how I was doing at different stages.

So while I'll still write now and then about how the earth constantly feels like it's spinning, I also want to include this entry - what this illness has taught me.

This idea occurred to me while reading a great article the other day called "Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done." I love to mark up things that I read, and this article is scribbled upon like no other. This is the thought that jumped out at me:

"Why such terrible tribulations? To what end? For what purpose? As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences."

The question that immediately came to mind was "what is this teaching me? How is this illness helping me grow? What have I learned?" I quickly realized that while I had been enduring this trial, I had not actively been seeking what I might learn from it. (And, to be completely honest, there was a part of me that hoped if I could show I'd learned the lesson, maybe the trial would be lifted!)

Two lessons immediately came to mind.

1) Because of my illness, I now have a deeper passion to wait upon others in their illness, understanding the loneliness and isolation of prolonged sickness. People have taken time to help in many ways, and many of the ways are ones that easily come to mind - helping with the kids, bringing meals, performing tasks. But beyond that, some have served in just being company for me: phoning, emailing and dropping in for visits. Being homebound for 9 months means almost a complete removal from life, friends, events, and social things. I have learned that a simple visit and keeping in touch can be invaluable to someone with long-term illness.

2) Because there is a definite time to my illness (in other words, I cannot hurry the recovery or expect it to come before the nine months is up) I have a greater capacity for daily patience, waiting, and not rushing. For the longest time I just wanted these days to go as fast as possible so that I could get to 16 weeks and start feeling better. Now, I must endure it the entire 9 months. Which means a realignment of my mindset. I cannot do many things. There are things I must do very slowly. There are other things I must do that take every ounce of strength in me to get through while feeling so terrible. But this patience isn't about now. It's a lesson learned for when I am better. It's for when I want to rush through these crazy days as a young mom. It's for when my kids slow me down and I start to feel frustrated. It's to help me in my quest to slow down and simplify.

So that's the positive "me update." I imagine this will be as much (or more) use to me in the future as I reflect back on this time of trial and tribulation.

Me update

Ugh, I feel like these are such downers. I keep waiting until I can do the post that says "I'm finally feeling better" but I don't think that's coming until the baby does.

I had my final appointment with my family doctor, before I move to my obstetrician. She's been so helpful and sympathetic, and yet always very realistic (which I need.) She confirmed that by this point (now almost 24 weeks) if I'm not feeling better, I'm not going to feel better. Expect this until the end. Ugh.

My veins have all collapsed which means I'm not getting a continuous dose of the Zofran. Last time I waited a week and then was able to get another IV site in for a week. This week I'm off again, with the hope that next week I can get it. I have gravol as a backup, but I have to be really careful when I take it. Apparently "may cause drowsiness" for me actually means "will knock you out so hard you can't keep your eyes open, stand up, or even respond to someone asking you a question, even though you can hear the person asking." Yeah, it's that strong.

The worst part right now is being stuck at home. Once or twice a week James encourages me to get out of the house. I usually oblige, agreeing with him that my mental health is as important to look after as my physical health. You see, it's must be a trade off for me. If I expend the energy going out to a friend's house, or to church, or to a family gathering, it renders me so sick for the next two days I can't even sit up in bed.

My doctor also made an offhand comment that got me really thinking. In trying to comfort me, she said "well, at least you only have 18 weeks to go." Then I replied with "well, hopefully only 16, because I usually deliver around 38 weeks instead of 40." Her response: "I think I'd just be happy to get you to 37 weeks."

She didn't elaborate, but my mind started going. Did she mean perhaps an early C-section? I've never had one before, but my labour and deliveries are pretty long, hard, painful and downright awful. Pain medications do very little. Epidurals don't work at all. The act of pushing alone usually takes 2-3 hours. I really do not want a c-section, knowing that I have birthed three babies on my own already. But then I realized how weak I am right now. I cannot walk more than 50 feet before I collapse in exhaustion. I cannot stand in one place at all. I cannot go out for more than two hours, and even when I do that, I'm usually really sick for the next two days. Knowing full well the strength I will need to delivery a baby, I seriously question if I have it.

Early learning

So there are a million products out there to make your baby smart. I'm not sure where the drive for smart babies is coming from. Maybe parents are worried that if their children aren't ahead of the curve from day one, they'll never catch up. (In Japan, parents are signing up in droves for "kindergarten prep" - a school to help your toddler be academically ready for kindergarten!) Maybe it stems from every parent's desire to have the best baby on the block. (Of course, "best" is subjective.)

At any rate the whole craze got me thinking about my own educational philosophies for my kids. I mean, I do believe in parenting with a purpose - the task is then for me to define my own purpose. I was able to break it down into 3 areas, and surprisingly (or not so much, for me) none of them have anything specific to do with "academics":

Imagination

I want my kids to have wild imaginations. I want them to love story telling and thinking outside of reality.

Curiosity

I want my kids to be inquisitive and ask a million questions. I want them to ask "why" about everything. I want them to be aware of the world around them and in which they live and want to know everything about it.

Critical Thinking

I want my kids to apply what they learn and know to life. I want them to question facts. I want them to see things from different angles.

Really, each of these three areas work in harmony together. Imagination breeds curiosity, and curiosity with imagination encourages critical thinking. And I truly believe that these three skills are what will lead my kids to success in this life. There will be 30 other kids in their grade school classes, and likely 300 other kids in their university classes, who can memorize facts their teachers spew out in lessons and lectures. But if my child can take that information and do something unexpected and different with it, that's what will set them apart.

And so, during these early years, I am trying to fill our house with opportunities and toys and experiences that will encourage these skills to develop. I didn't worry about whether or not my 3 year old knew how to write letters when he entered kindergarten, or if he knew all his colours by age two, or how high he could count as a toddler, or if he learns to read before grade one. Because I can pretty much guarantee you that all these "skills" will be in place sooner or later. My teenager will be able to recognize the colour red, count to 20, write his name, and be able to read. But there are lots of children out there who don't know how to make up a story, or ask thought-provoking questions, or apply a math skill in every day life, and lots of these kids grow up never really knowing how to apply all the things they spent their school years learning.

If any of this makes sense to you, and you were worried about whether or not your child will be academically prepared for kindergarten, hopefully you've been able to take a breath. Childhood is about being a child. Our kids will spend enough of their lives having to work. And the great thing is, imagination, curiosity and critical thinking actually all come very naturally to young children. In order to help them develop in these areas, the best thing we can do is just let our kids be kids!

Family Day

We celebrated Family Day yesterday. It's so nice to have a holiday in the middle of February, smack dab in the middle of winter, as a little pick me up on the way to spring.

After my ultrasound at the hospital on Saturday, I ran into my clinic nurse, who very graciously offered to try once again to get an IV line in - with success! So this week I'm back on the Zofran, which enabled to me take part in the celebrations yesterday.

We started with a pancake breakfast at church. Colin at one pancake and then was not seen again while he played with his friends around the building. I think they had a good game of floor hockey going, and then the mini hockey sticks turned into guns (of course) or phasers and they ran around engrossed in some sort of imagination game, likely about Star Wars. Caleb played the whole time with Colin, but would appear every half hour or so and eat yet another plate of pancakes. There were times I would turn around and see him sitting alone at a table gobbling up another plate. Benjamin loved the free rein he was given to just run around. Everyone at church thinks he is adorable, and they all watched out for him, since James was elbow deep in cooking and cleaning and dishes the whole time, and I had to camp out in one place.

It was almost 3 hours before we left. 3 other good friends had straggled with their kids, while our husbands did all the clean up. Our husbands are all good friends as well, and I may have heard more laughing and chatting in the kitchen than if we women had been in there!

Later in the afternoon we headed over to James' parents house for dinner. The older two boys love to play with their uncles, and Benjamin just glows in the attention of his grandma and grandpa. There was a treasure hunt for Colin and Caleb, and new cars to play with for Benjamin. The boys' cousins are one year old, and were just happy to be taking in all the busyness.

Two outings in one day was definitely too much, and I'm paying for it today (confined to the couch - but luckily with a full dose of Zofran in me first!) but James assured me that sometimes physical health needs to be sacrificed for mental health. It sure was lovely to see so many friends I haven't seen since Hallowe'en, and may not see much more of until June.

Benjaminugget

Well, we knew it wouldn't last forever.

Benjamin is still in his crib, mostly because we haven't needed to transition him to a toddler bed because of an arriving baby yet. The other boys were both out of the crib before 18 months. But Benjamin seemed happy as a clam, and showed no signs of trying to make the great escape (although I have kept a couple of fluffy pillow on the floor beside the crib, just in case he tried something and landed with a thud on the hardwood floor.)

Yesterday, I was trapped in bed utterly nauseous and sick. I heard a commotion downstairs, followed by James marching Benjamin upstairs to his crib in punishment for hurting the other boys. I listened to James' footsteps back down the stairs, and realized they had a soft echo. That echo turned out to be Benjamin's pitter patter of feet across his bedroom floor and into my room. Next thing I knew a teary face appeared at my bedside as he whimpered "cuddle Mommy" and climbed into bed with me. At first I wondered why James would have put Benjamin in his room without putting him in the crib, until I realized he must have escaped.

Funny thing is, there was no experimenting at all. There was no waiting to see if James was coming back. There was no rattle of the crib rails. There was no thudding against the wall. There was no awkward drop onto the floor. He has never even attempted a climb out before; it was like the whole thing came completely second nature to him!

Later after nap he climbed out again, and then proudly showed my mother-in-law how he'd done it when he was asked.

Then of course came bedtime, with that long, drawn-out game of "I'm not going to stay in my bed." I wanted to be more severe, but it was just too funny. I'd hear his steps across the floor and the bedroom door open. He'd look in at me and smile and say "all done." Then I'd put him back into his crib and tell him to go to sleep. Sometimes he was out again before I'd reached the door. One time I was already downstairs, and we heard him yell from the top of the stairs "Whatcha doin' down there? Whatcha doin' down there?"

Eventually I just sat in the glider in his room, and every time his feet touched the floor I lifted him back into bed. Each time I let him get all the way out, hoping that he would tire from the effort. Soon we came to a standoff, where he started yelling at me to get out. I told him I would leave the room if he went to sleep. So he did.

Thankfully Caleb slept like a log through the whole thing. That kid falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow - literally. For a brief time James and I thought we might have to disassemble the crib and put up the toddler bed last night, but we didn't want to wake Caleb. I don't think we had anything to worry about. But it will definitely be done today.

Organized Simplicity

"Align your habits and your lifestyle with your purpose in life so that you're running at a comfortable pace and gliding along with time, rather than wishing it would slow down."

On the other side of this quote, you could equally align your habits and your lifestyle so that you are not wishing life would be faster and more exciting. Either way, I love the idea that we can control the pace of life we lead. Activities and time-fillers that we might think are indispensable just might not be, when we examine our daily lives under the microscope.

As someone who is married, this is a conversation I would have to have with my husband. If I found the pace of our life not to my liking, then we would examine our schedules together. But I am convicted here, just a little. How quick would I be to point the finger at one of my husband's activities and suggest he cut that out, so that we had more time? If I asked him to cut something, would I be just as willing to cut something of mine? More to the point, would it even occur to me? That's what really got me thinking here. I am afraid I might be too quick to point out the "mote" in someone else's eye that I couldn't see the "beam" in my own. I think it's a common human trait to believe that I've got things managed just the way they should be, and everyone else should be aligning themselves with me.

Food for thought. (And actually not related to anything specific going on in my life. But sometimes preemptive ideas help avoid problems from cropping up rather than having to go into damage control after the fact!)

Benjaminugget

Benjamin and I were looking at a picture book the other day. When we came to a page of wild animals, I pointed to the panda, which is his favourite picture.

Ben: Panda! What's this? (pointing to an elephant)

Mom: That's an elephant.

Ben: No, panda.

Mom: No, elephant.

Ben: No, it's a PANDA!

Mom: No, it's an elephant.

Ben: PANDA!

Mom: Elephant.

Ben: PANDA!

Mom: Okay, it's a panda.

Ben: No it's not. It's an elephant. That's the panda. (pointing to the panda)