Me update

Ugh, I feel like these are such downers. I keep waiting until I can do the post that says "I'm finally feeling better" but I don't think that's coming until the baby does.

I had my final appointment with my family doctor, before I move to my obstetrician. She's been so helpful and sympathetic, and yet always very realistic (which I need.) She confirmed that by this point (now almost 24 weeks) if I'm not feeling better, I'm not going to feel better. Expect this until the end. Ugh.

My veins have all collapsed which means I'm not getting a continuous dose of the Zofran. Last time I waited a week and then was able to get another IV site in for a week. This week I'm off again, with the hope that next week I can get it. I have gravol as a backup, but I have to be really careful when I take it. Apparently "may cause drowsiness" for me actually means "will knock you out so hard you can't keep your eyes open, stand up, or even respond to someone asking you a question, even though you can hear the person asking." Yeah, it's that strong.

The worst part right now is being stuck at home. Once or twice a week James encourages me to get out of the house. I usually oblige, agreeing with him that my mental health is as important to look after as my physical health. You see, it's must be a trade off for me. If I expend the energy going out to a friend's house, or to church, or to a family gathering, it renders me so sick for the next two days I can't even sit up in bed.

My doctor also made an offhand comment that got me really thinking. In trying to comfort me, she said "well, at least you only have 18 weeks to go." Then I replied with "well, hopefully only 16, because I usually deliver around 38 weeks instead of 40." Her response: "I think I'd just be happy to get you to 37 weeks."

She didn't elaborate, but my mind started going. Did she mean perhaps an early C-section? I've never had one before, but my labour and deliveries are pretty long, hard, painful and downright awful. Pain medications do very little. Epidurals don't work at all. The act of pushing alone usually takes 2-3 hours. I really do not want a c-section, knowing that I have birthed three babies on my own already. But then I realized how weak I am right now. I cannot walk more than 50 feet before I collapse in exhaustion. I cannot stand in one place at all. I cannot go out for more than two hours, and even when I do that, I'm usually really sick for the next two days. Knowing full well the strength I will need to delivery a baby, I seriously question if I have it.