Weaning

The time has come to wean.  James and I have a 17 day anniversary trip in June when my mom will be here to watch the kids.  Since Juliette is still nursing 3-4 times an hour (yes, an hour) and not able to go to sleep without being nursed or held, it's time to do some serious training.  We have two months, which some days seems like a lot and others seems like just a breath.

First up, weaning during the day.  I'm on day 6.  The only way Juliette and I have made this work is by being out all morning.  Which has been physically exhausting, since I'm still not sleeping well, and mentally exhausting for the introvert in me.  Nevertheless, every morning from 8:30am - noon we have been out walking, playing, at the library, the Early Years Centre, or with friends.  The hardest part is the -10C weather and the three feet of icy snow everywhere.  Will Spring ever come?  She still asks constantly to nurse, but I've stuck to my guns - only at naptime, and between midnight and 6am if she wakes.

Second up is feeding this girl.  She eats almost nothing.  Breakfast might be half a scrambled egg.  Lunch is two or three grapes, or maybe a couple bites of applesauce.  Half a slice of ham, if she's feeling like it.  Dinner is two or three bites again.  For a long time the nursing would have been filling her up, but with her activity and growth there's no way that can be enough now.  So for the next while. I will fill her up with her favourite foods - oat pancakes, bacon, eggs, mango, broccoli, and chicken hot dogs.  Not the ideal diet, but foods that she is guaranteed to eat.

The final step will be total weaning, which I honestly don't have a plan for. When I go away to france, perhaps I'll come home and she will have forgotten it.  My other reason for weaning is that while nursing I must adhere to the same strict diet she is on: no wheat, rice, corn, soy, dairy or beans.  Instead of slowly adapting over the last six months, my body has instead rebelled and I "cheat" here and there during the week, doing more harm to the weaning schedule.  My body needs more food than it can have right now.

I never thought I would have to face weaning like this.   I had every intention of nursing until Juliette decided she didn't want to nurse any longer. I found that, in theory, I have no issue with extended nursing, no age limit that should mean cutting her off.  It saddens me that the path I thought I would take is not the one I must walk.  But since neither of us is benefitting from breast feeding, then it is only a selfish desire within me that stubbornly endures.