Saturday, 4 October 2008

Wrecking ball

I heard a woman use the expression yesterday "God completely wrecked me." She was referring to an incident that caused her to completely reevaluate her priorities in life, and the "facts" that she had considered unswerving.

Immediately, the image of a huge wrecking ball swinging full force into a building filled my mind. I saw the carefully built walls crumbling in an instant. A few weeks back I witnessed the demolition of a two-story house: it was brought to the ground in less than 20 seconds. It would likely have taken months of labour to build it up, and it was all erased in an instant.

God is working at me in much the same way. I work so hard laying each brick. My building grows taller and taller and then in one or two good knocks my understanding and way of life come crumbling down. It is a good thing - no, really, it is. Amazing knowledge and understanding emerge from the settling dust, as I am awakened to a new reality. But it can be hard to know where to start, standing alone amidst the destruction around me.

And so, God is wrecking me. He's continuously trying to teach me that it's a pointless endeavor to build my own walls. I might as well be building the tower of Babel. Good intentions but wrong purpose. God's will and plan for me are what is best for me. Why do I always insist on trying it my way first? I feel like I'm two years old so many times, digging my feet into the ground and saying "I want to do it by myself!"

But exciting things are stirring within me. This morning alone I jotted down seven or eight individual thoughts, each of which my mind is mulling over, exploring. They'll find their way to the page eventually. Not all at once, for they each need time to grow. But let me tell you, God didn't just knock a room down here, the whole building has come crashing down.

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