Joy and sorrow

The tradition of waiting is always dispensed with in our home - whether we want to or not. As I withdraw from the social scene, drop off from the virtual world, and fade away physically, it gets hard to deny - I'm pregnant.

I'm six weeks along. I'm excited and exhausted. I found out at three weeks that I was pregnant, which seems an eternity ago (when you're keeping a secret). From 3 weeks to 5 weeks I ate like I was two people (or three Terri-Anns). There were more than a few days I made an entire second dinner at 11-0-clock at night! The human body is amazing - mine always knows to bulk up for the coming weeks. Week 5 to week 6 is a slow fade, loss of appetite, and generally feeling unwell. Then between 6 and 7 weeks it hits m e like a brick. The nausea is overwhelming. I thankfully don't throw up ever, but I always feel as if I'm only a few seconds from throwing up. It's this state that eats away at me. The constant flipping in my stomach starts to cause pain. The state of "just before you throw up" also takes a lot of energy, which exhausts me very quickly. It also causes me to have difficulty breathing; I'm only able to gasp out one or two sentences before needing to stop. I will have to force myself to nibble on a few saltine crackers each day. In the next week or two I will use any energy reserves I have and end up in bed. It will be another 8 weeks or so before I'm able to get up.

I have been so excited about this pregnancy, with the emotional roller coaster I have experienced these passed 6 months. And in a strange way, I'm almost glad for the pain. With the last pregnancy, my body didn't hit these stages. I was tired, but not ill. I feel reassured this time that at least my body is reacting to a healthy pregnancy the way I know it should.

I am grateful that after nine months, however, it will all end and I will be rewarded with a gift beyond comprehension. (January 1st, to be exact!) It feels forever away, since I have to wait until after Christmas, and we've barely begun spring. But the time will fly and we will welcome our new baby soon.