Sunday, 8 November 2009

Slowing down

This pregnancy is making me slow down more than I've ever had to in my life. The toughest part has been that I'm mentally gearing up while physically slowing down. I have all sorts of projects I'd love to have my hands into, including tearing out and replacing the bathtub faucet, cleaning out the garage, directing the city Nativity pageant, singing in a Christmas choir, doing the "once-a-month" cooking, getting set-up for the arrival of our baby, organizing the basement, getting an electrician in to do the basement lighting, being a little more hands-on with Caleb's "schooling" (letters, colours, numbers, etc)...

But these days I can barely get the basics done. I don't always get to my weekly cleaning. Many days I can't be standing long enough to make dinner or clean up afterwords. I'm struggling still to breathe, and find I can't even climb the stairs without needing to sit down at the top. Laundry piles up because I don't have the physical energy to walk to the basement. It's even too much now for me to take Colin to school, so if James isn't home to take him, Colin will have to stay home also. For a person who is a "doer", it's becoming really hard on me.

But I know I've got to just take it easy. Last week I landed in the hospital after coming this close to passing out while driving in the car with Caleb. I was gratefully only a few streets from a friend's house, and so by running all the stop signs and praying with a fervour I have never prayed with before, I was able to pull up to her house and crawl to her front door. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Thankfully her husband was home and watched Caleb while she drove me to the hospital. Everything is fine with the baby (as has been this whole pregnancy), but once again the tests showed that my own body is just taking a terrible beating from pregnancy.

I can't decide if I only have 8 weeks to go, or I still have 8 weeks to go. Some days it seems like it's right around the corner, other days it feels like I'll never get there. But the beautiful thing about time is that it passes no matter what. The nausea and illness and exhaustion will soon come to an end. And even with a newborn I know that recovery is right around the bend, and I can get myself back into the routines and organization and involvement that I'm used to.

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