Wednesday, 27 January 2010


I admit it. Most days I simply want to hibernate from the real world.

The world is big. I am small. The world is run by people so far away from me I will likely never even shop in the same store as one of them. I know that we as the "common people" are being manipulated, force-fed lies, controlled. I know much of what my everyday life involves is illusion.

But I wonder: must I really do anything about it?

I know how awful that statement sounds, but I want to be brutally honest here.

I read. I understand. I digest. I converse. I debate. My eyes are open. But I feel powerless in the grand scheme of things. Is it really so bad if I choose simply to live my own life out in my own way, without tiring myself swimming against the current?

What is my goal here in life? As a Christian, I see it as trying to become as Christ was: filled with charity, and spending my days in service to those around me. Teaching my family from the scriptures. Learning to be the very best me.

As I see it, the rest is all peripheral. While learning and education are important, they can be gained in an endless amount of ways. And if I didn't have a mind with a great learning capacity, it wouldn't be the end of the world. If my life were cut short by any number of diseases, or attempts to prevent diseases, it doesn't matter. I am granted a life as long as God wishes. He will grant me sufficient time to complete what is necessary.

I feel that no matter what the "powers that be" decide, no matter what they try to impress upon me, it doesn't matter. The world in which I live currently is only temporary. People throughout the generations of time have faced societies and politics and situations that challenged the idea of what God's kingdom will be like. It seems the only thing I can do is work in my own little family unit, as though these four walls are the only world in which I live.

On some level I know it is important to try and better my world and my community. But it seems to me that no matter the number of conspiracies I uncover, there will always be another. I feel small, ignorant and powerless. This might be considered a victory for those running the world. But I don't see it that way. I acknowledge my position as compared to their position. But I don't give them the satisfaction of caring about it. Perhaps apathy is the only way I can declare a victory over them.

(Ah, that felt good! It's been too long that my mind has been challenged in such a way - physical illness takes its toll on the mind, also. Thanks for the nudge, Bonnie!)