Wednesday, 25 April 2012

A little time out from life

These past seven years have seemed like a little time out from life for me.  I know there are lots of moms who manage to stay connected to their life pre-kids, and other moms who naturally transition into a new life with kids.  But I've felt a little disconnected myself.

I've had lots of play dates, moments talking with friends with 16 kids running around in the next room and a crying baby on someone's hip.  I've had small projects here and there to keep my creative juices from drying up into an irredeemable desert.  I've made new connections, many with people I hope will become much better friends when I'm able to reconnect with life.  But to be honest, I haven't felt like I've had a focused narrative in the last seven years.

Suddenly I feel like life is on the horizon again.  A time when I don't have a nursing baby that keeps me from taking on the intensity of a film.  A time when I can get on a plane and travel somewhere on my own for adventure, with my husband for romance, or with my friends for a no hold's barred good time.  A time when I get enough sleep that I don't need to nap in the afternoon, when I can move through my home and work on projects, when I can experiment in the kitchen and not just pray for 20 minutes so that I don't ruin dinner.

It's not a selfish feeling, something that craves time away from my children.  It's more of a feeling of continuity, a life that is flowing forward smoothly, a life with a little more control than the feeling of being dragged along by a merry-go-round.  I adore balance, I need balance, I crave balance.  And, for me, these early child-bearing years have had almost zero balance at all.

And so, instead of drowning or flailing, I simply opted for a time out.  In a few short weeks (less than eight!) I will be emerging on the other side - tired and full, but with eyes on a new horizon.

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