A little discouragement setting in

Passing the 16 week mark of my pregnancy seems to have resulted in more than a little discouragement. The times when I've felt well enough to try and participate in something has led to a multiple day downward slide afterwards. I still have days where I can't get out of bed. I still have days where the super-meds I'm on don't seem to touch much of the illness.

16 weeks was supposed to be when I kick back into regular life. In all three previous pregnancies, this was the time when my daily activities returned to normal. While I'm still ill for the whole nine months, at least I was able to get back out.

The nurses have said it could take another couple of weeks, but after that then it's not likely just the HCG levels that are making me sick. There's a good chance it's a girl and the estrogen levels are making things worse than the last times. Or my body just keeps reacting worse to the whole experience. Either way, the next couple of weeks will either mean getting better, or remaining like this for another five months.

I am finding it really hard being so removed from life, particularly at home. I don't really know what the boys are doing at school. I'm missing the evolution of their growth and play and learning. I'm missing preparing meals for my family (yes, I really do love to do that!) I'm missing hanging out with my husband. I miss the organization of my home. I miss even the small things, like changing over the seasons of clothing. And I really don't feel like continuing on like this until June. By that time, school will be out and I'll have essentially missed an entire school year of my boys. And I'll have missed some of my favourite moments of toddler-hood with Benjamin.

Part of me hates this pity-party for one, but I also realize that our challenges are personally designed, and I can't compare what I find hard to deal with to other's seemingly more difficult struggles. This is hard for me, and I'm not exactly sure what I will need to do to get through the next five months.