Anyone else ever wonder what life has in store for you?
I don't think I'm really the type who needs 40 years of the same thing to count as security. I don't mind things getting shuffled. I love the adventure of travel. A new house is an exciting change.
But sometimes I think I'm rushing life along too much.
"All things work together for good for them who love the Lord."
It's hard to remember sometimes. It's hard to remember that His timing is not my timing.
It's really hard to want a simpler country life and see that it will cost me over half a million dollars. How on earth is that a simple life? How can I dial back if, in order to have the breath of fresh air and the space from town, we have to be making so much money?
Life is contradiction, there's no doubt about that.
I have a dream of a modest home on ten acres of land. A big garden out back and preserves on the basement shelves. Of romping with the kids in the forest, or bracing my heart as I let them go exploring on their own. I can see that they yearn for more than our fenced in backyard, and yet this world seems too dangerous to let them disappear off on their own as I desperately think they need to do. I'm constantly fighting against the small amount of media we do allow. One of my fondest memories was being ten years old and being let loose with a best friend on a big piece of property with an old barn. We took a compass, knowing that the house was "north-east" and off we went. We clamoured around the barn full of treasures from decades past. We hunted through trees and climbed a huge ant hill. And we eventually found our way back as the sun sank. I want that for my kids!!! I want them to head off and find climb trees and build a secret fort and quench their thirst in a brook. I want them to jump off the bus and not beg to play video games but to romp outdoors until I beg them to come in for dinner, or maybe I'll just stuff their pockets with buns and apples and let them find their way back as the stars blink on.
Can you feel my mind racing as these thoughts bleed out onto the screen? That's what I'm battling - the timing of things again. I have no doubt that when the time is right, the right property will be just waiting for us. That's how we got this house, and I have full faith that's how God will prepare the right path for me to wander down. In the meantime, I guess I'm learning lessons of patience and satisfaction with what I have been blessed with already.
And what is life without dreams?