I started the morning with a shower. Good.
I snapped at James at breakfast. Bad.
I put Benjamin down for a morning nap. Good.
We had an awesome playdate with a friend. The boys were in seventh heaven and I got to know a friend even better. Good.
Colin didn't go for a nap (so I didn't get a nap). Bad.
Benjamin woke after an hour. Bad.
Caleb woke after an hour. Very very very very very bad.
Caleb cried over everything. Bad.
The boys watched a movie quietly. Good.
I decided it was finally warm enough to play in the backyard snow. Good.
I dressed three boys into snow gear. Bad.
The boys ran around the backyard. Good.
Benjamin cannot run in snow gear. Bad.
I tried to run around the backyard in my full snow gear carrying a squirmy one-year old in snow gear who only wanted to walk (but can't.). Bad. And exhausting.
I finally let everyone come inside after 45 minutes. Good.
No sign of James. Bad.
For dinner I eat leftover chili. The boys have eaten chili two days in a row already. I make them a salami and cheese sandwich. They aren't sure what to make of it. I don't even bother clearing the table of the 800 pieces of Lego. Dinner doesn't even feel like dinner. Bad.
Benjamin is tired and nurses every 5 minutes. Bad.
I finally lose it about the toys EVERYWHERE. Totally lose it. I threaten that if it is not all cleaned up now, I will put anything still out in the basement. Bad.
Colin cleans up very quietly, afraid to make me more angry. Bad.
Caleb doesn't clean. I threaten. He doesn't clean. I physically pick him up and force him to pick up toys and put them away. He starts to cry. Bad.
For the next half hour I shout and threaten and try to make him clean. He collapses on the floor in tears. And cries for the next 45 minutes. Bad.
I swoop everyone upstairs for bedtime. Caleb can hardly catch his breath. Benjamin cries in his crib while I brush Colin's teeth. Bad.
Caleb finally changes his cry from "I want my toys!" to "Mommy!" I leave Colin to sing to a crying Benjamin and curl up with Caleb on my bed. We pretend to blow out 10 candles on a Darth Vader Chocolate Birthday cake to help him calm down. Good.
Everyone is finally is pyjamas and ready for bed. We read books, a bible story, say a prayer and get everyone to bed. Good.
***
Seriously, it was a roller coaster. I could not foresee the day having such highs and lows all at once. Did all that really happen in one day? I think it must have been more like two or three, at least. But nope - all in a day's work of motherhood.
At least the highs are really high. If they weren't, I don't know if I would make it! There is nothing like cuddling up with your kids, taking a moment to stroke their hair or have a great big hug.
3 comments:
I'm right there with you. I had a pretty good day with Dominic and then a wickedly horrible evening. He was crying and crying and nothing would satisfy him. Not food, not a clean diaper, not 3 hourof rocking him....it's crazy how things can go from great to disaster in what seems like point two seconds! Hope today goes better for both of us....
I'm right there with you. I had a pretty good day with Dominic and then a wickedly horrible evening. He was crying and crying and nothing would satisfy him. Not food, not a clean diaper, not 3 hours of rocking him....it's crazy how things can go from great to disaster in what seems like point two seconds! Hope today goes better for both of us....
Sweetie,
My heart just reaches out to you and all I want to do is race back there to help out my baby girl. It can be so frustrating when things go the way they did for you yesterday. I hope you don't berate yourself (too much) about how you reacted. It's the hardest job in the world being a stay-at-home mom, but it is also the most rewarding. There will be days like this, but there will be more days when things will go much better. Try to hold on to that - and if you need me, you know that all you have to do is holler and I will come running. :-)
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