Disheartened and then cheered

I have written a lot about Colin's experiences in school this year. I think about it almost every day. I think about moving schools or keeping him back in kindergarten again, or trying to make this class work. I think about my own experience in grade school. I think about Colin and his personality. It consumes many of my thoughts.

This morning we had a brief chat on the way to the bus. First he sadly stated that he wasn't good at anything. (That just breaks your heart as a mother.) No one told him that, he said he just feels it at school. So after dealing with that complete and utter falsehood, I asked him about the boys in his class and play time at recess. For a long time, they were making him always "it" during tag, and they are a lot bigger and faster than him, so he was "it" for a long time. But this morning Colin revealed that now he is no longer in "the group" and isn't allowed to play with them at all. He said he passes his recesses now sitting against the wall or walking around alone. (Heart breaking all over again!)

Needless to say, once again my thoughts were occupied all morning with this. My plan was to try and encourage a friendship with the boy that isn't the bully by getting Colin and him together a lot over the summer. Now I worried if that wasn't enough. Then again, Colin is a bit of an introvert. He likes his alone time. Maybe it's not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be.

Then I ran into a friend this morning whose children also attend the school. I shared some of my concerns with her. There is also the added pressure of grade one next year (completely different way to spend the day than the play-based learning of kindergarten) and a teacher who isn't great with young kids. As my friend and I spoke, however, a lot of new things came to light I hadn't considered.

The teacher thing is a write-off. No matter where he goes, he could get a teacher who isn't great. And maybe Colin will actually do a lot better in grade one, where there are tasks he can work on independently rather than having to play in pairs. Finally, my friend reminded me that it is likely to be a grade 1/2 split class. I was excited for that, because I think split classes are a great way for younger kids to aspire up and the older kids to help the younger ones. But the added benefit that I hadn't realized is that with a grade 1/2 split, there should be at least 4 or 5 more boys in the class. So the dynamic of a trio should be erased.

I walked home after that conversation feeling a thousand times lighter. Even when Colin told me it hadn't been a great day again, and that he had been left out at recess, it kept running through my mind that there is only a week to go before summer is out and he can have a big break and then a fresh start in September.